Talk to the person who says you're condescending and ask them for situations where you were. Then analyze whether you were or not. The problem with a lot of developers/scientists/"people who have been told they are smart all their life" is that they may think they're making a point or describing something but most of them can be condescending because they think they are always right. It is an attitude change.If you cannot confront your critics, you cannot correct yourself if you're in the wrong. Also it will help you maneuver social situations better.
To be or not to be condescending - that is a situation that needs to be understood, before you actually act it.
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