Feynman's Letter to His Wife

[ececconi]

After my dad died my freshman year of college, I wrote a letter and sealed it. It's so hard to understand that a person that was so important to you won't be there to hear everything you wanted to tell them.

Since then, I've loved studying letters between friends and lovers.

This is a great letter.

[pavornyoh]

> It's so hard to understand that a person that was so important to you won't be there to hear everything you wanted to tell them.

I agree. I know this is going to sound creepy, but in certain African countries like Ghana there is a video made of the funeral just like they do for weddings. And when you miss whoever has passed away, you get to watch the video. It doesn't bring them back but you get to see the person.

[mitchtbaum]

> a person that was so important to you won't be there

As I understand it, we die two deaths. Once when your last breath leaves your body and next when those who remember you say your name for the last time.

By continuing to tell their stories, continuing to read their words, continuing to live, cherishing and remembering, loving, they also live... Life extends through our bodies and beyond.

[twsted]

"PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address."

[BigglesZX]

I seem to have something in my eye

[Abraln]

I was struck by the D'Arline, probably the sweetest pun I have ever heard.

[ergothus]

I don't find this creepy or invasive at all. A bit hard to read, as my eyes are suddenly blurry, but I'm glad to have read it.

[idibidiart]

This is hard to read. It really is. A reminder to open our heart to the people in our lives, while they are still with us in the flesh, and vice versa.

[dkns]

That was beautiful. Recently I was feeling really, really lonely. This letter helped me remember what great feeling is to have someone you can love and care for. It's the little things like sending "Hello" texts in the morning to each other that I'm missing the most. Love is great.

[hoorayimhelping]

"How beautiful life is and how sad! How fleeting, with no past and no future, only a limitless now."

I didn't read the letter. The framing of it was all I needed to text my wife and tell her how much I love her.

[bordercases]

Feels kind of invasive reading this.

[knodi123]

Then you definitely don't want to google Napoleon's letters to his wife Josephine.

[logicallee]

I agree with you.

[IBCNU]

Sitting in my office - crying.

[SloopJon]

I read this at my dad's wedding, five years after my mom died. Wasn't sure how an atheist's letter to his dead wife would be received, but it kind of spoke to me.

[eevilspock]

In general I don't think the best time and place to make a tribute to your dad's dead wife is at his new wife's wedding.

I hope it wasn't passive aggressive.

[thucydides]

How was it received?

[ripitrust]

Man I am justing reading Surely you are joking mr Feynman, this comes in the right time

[fpgaminer]

Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman is a fantastic book; worth every page. I was just listening to the Upvoted podcast where they interview Unidan, a once popular scientist on Reddit. One of the things he talked about was how he always wanted to convey to others that scientists are normal people just like everyone else. They don't live in a clean white lab coat atop a pedestal of beakers; scientists spend most of their time doing average joe stuff, running experiments in their underpants, and brewing craft beer with lab equipment. He wanted to make that clear, in the hopes that it would inspire people to go "Hey, if that shumlp can be a scientist, why can't I?"

That immediately reminded me of the Feynman book. It humanizes Feynman, turning him from the great untouchable figurehead of quantum physics to an average, hounddog schlum like most of us. The guy would hang out in titty bars while working on his theories! It's oddly inspiring.

[pavornyoh]

>In October of 1946, Richard wrote his late wife a heartbreaking love letter and sealed it in an envelope. It remained unopened until after his death in 1988.

It is a very heartbreaking and sad. But was there instruction for it to be shared publicly? It will pain me if someone is sharing this just to further their own agenda. It seems kind of private.

[michael_nielsen]

The letter is in "Perfectly Reasonable Deviations from the Beaten Track", a book of letters edited by Feynman's daughter, Michelle, and with the co-operation of his son, Carl.

[ceejayoz]

We'd be missing a large portion of our civilization's history without the private writings of notable people. I can't find anything on the provenance of Feynman's letters, but I'd suspect either he or his estate willingly donated them.

[Friedduck]

It still brings me comfort in a small way to see a dead friend in my contact list, or old emails from him.

I liked Feynman before and more so now. It's endearing that he's trying to work through it with her.

[guard-of-terra]

I was under impression that Feynman was a pickup artist (i.e. persuading ladies to have flings). During his work on the Bomb, i.e. before 1945. That's from his books.

Can you please enlighten me on the issue?

[Moshe_Silnorin]

The "You Just Ask Them?" story occurred when he was teaching at Cornell, after his wife's death - and he disclaimed the techniques in the book. Even if your worst impressions are correct, we don't have access to their marital situation - she had a highly contagious disease for the entirety of their marriage. It is obviously very clear that he loved her from the letter. I don't think there's much I could learn that could cheapen the sentiments within it.

[Steuard]

My impression, which others may correct me on, is that he started down that road while in Los Alamos: I vaguely recall that his "You just ask them?" story was in that setting, anyway. I've always had the sense that he was deeply (and monogamously) devoted to his wife until her death. After her death, well, he says in this letter that he's had multiple girlfriends but that those relationships never went anywhere; my guess would be that he's telling his wife about precisely those early flings, and what they meant to him.

But yeah, for all his brilliance and magnetism and vision, Feynman was also (eventually) pretty terrible toward women. I gaze in grateful awe and reverence at his personal contributions to human knowledge, even as I grimace in frustration and disappointment at his contributions to a culture that continues to drive too many potentially brilliant contributors away. So this letter is bittersweet to me, since it calls to mind one of the few significant areas where Feynman's life did harm to humanity rather than good. I wonder if that might have been different if his wife had lived?

[aklemm]

Just another walking contradiction like the rest of us.

[MacsHeadroom]

This is a legitimate question. (I suspect you're being down-voted for emotional reasons.)

Feynman began work on the bomb when he was 21. He did not marry his first wife until he was 23.

[pbhjpbhj]

It always seems such a shame to me when a decent, well placed and lucid question such as this is downvoted to the "grey zone".

[a3voices]

It feels creepy to read this, like if you were to hack into someone's private emails or Facebook or such.