Do we really have such poor social skills that candor and niceness are at odds? Really? I get that it can be a difficult goal to achieve both, but goddammit we're all adults here. We should all have developed those skills! Just because you're going to be frank doesn't mean you have to be an asshole about it. This whole idea seems to justify people taking the easy way and putting nice and candid at opposite ends of a spectrum.
While I agree with everything you said, have you (speaking with candor) not been paying attention the past decade or so? A lawsuit-trigger-happy populace coupled with millienials entering the workplace has caused such collective scarring that institutions like academia and workplaces are reacting. We're now equating emotional distress with material injury, and it's having vile reverberations that won't be fully felt for decades. It's censorship wrapped in hip new packaging. It's nightmarish to witness.
This is what happens when children are raised in frictionless environments. The real world doesn't care about your feelings.
Not surprised people step up to bat with the strawmen.
Speaking with candor != being a dick. People can supply direct and honest feedback without making it personal. Someone can criticize someone else's code until the cows come home, while also being excellent friends with them outside the workplace.
The other interesting aspect is that Dalio is an adherent of Transcendental Meditation and IIRC the principles really sprang his study of TM and Buddhism.
Meditation has also transformed the corporate culture at Bridgewater. Dalio pays for half of the fees for any employee who's interested in learning TM, and the office features meditation rooms and group sessions. The company is also known for its "brutally honest" meetings, and Dalio says meditation helps his employees to adopt an attitude of calm equanimity that helps them to engage in a productive dialogue without reacting emotionally.
Aren't trigger warnings a bit daft? How on earth are you supposed to reasonably account for a universe of possible scenarios that might "trigger" someone.
By the way I say this fully aware that I am privileged to not suffer from, well, whatever triggers actually do to people... ("Feel bad" is all I can figure)
Heh, Randstad advocating candor, who could have guessed. It's a Dutch company, and straight-to-the-point, no-BS candor is one of those Dutch culture things.
Of course you need to strike a careful balance, as Kim Scott aptly defines according to the article: candor = "giving criticism while showing genuine concern".
I don't think the skill is that rare, but I think the application of the skill is rare. There tends to be external factors which might lead a person to be angry which seeps into the criticism as rudeness. I think a lot of people can deliver blunt and direct criticism to a stranger in a cool, calm manner. It's dealing with the familiar people that makes it difficult.
I've watched my Dad do it and it also tends to shock the recipient when they expect some anger, etc.
I think that being able to effectively deliver blunt and direct criticism is rare. There are a lot of moving parts that make up the delivery. (attitude, context, tone, language, relationship, setting) I see people screw it up all the time.
There are two comments in the article, copy-pasted below which roughly summarize why this is a terrible idea.
----
Gene Consbruck:
You had better not front-stab your boss.
Mike Tian:
"niceness", "politeness", or "etiquette" were invented to allow strangers to co-exist with less friction. They are a code of conduct to prevent violence when people lived in clans and tribes. It was a good invention.
Within a trusted circle, you can strip away some of these things and be "brutally honest", and not rupture your relationship.
But in a larger organization, where people are not necessarily your most trusted confidants, such a strategy is likely to massively backfire.
You cannot have "brutal honesty" (e.g. strip away all the social lubricants of politeness) without a deep and abiding trust. Doing so will result in warfare, either open or subtle.
Something my current employer does, which with hindsight is incredibly obvious, is to separate the roles of leader and manager. Leaders guide the day-to-day work, managers guide the careers of employees. I'm the leader of a development team, and while i do spend a lot of time guiding my team as to what to do and how to do it, i don't carry the can for their happiness, professional development, etc. Rather, that's in the hands of various other people in the company [1], who have monthly one-to-ones, collect feedback, give performance reviews, etc.
As a result, one of the people on my team could absolutely front-stab me without fear of the consequences. They could simply say to their manager that i was a shitty team lead. It would then be up to the manager to act on that information, by giving me or my manager that feedback. That's not hypothetical; it's happened (i actually am a shitty team lead).
[1] That's not to say i don't contribute towards that; if the manager of one of the people on my team comes and tells me that that person is keen to learn more about some topic, i'll try to carve out work related to that topic and let that person work on it. But i'm not the prime mover.
> Kim Scott, an executive coach and former Google Inc. executive in online sales and operations, is writing a book about radical candor, which she defines as giving criticism while showing genuine concern.
A key point in the article, radical candor feedback may be blunt but should also be well intentioned, not merely derogatory.
One thing I have wondered is how much cost there is in maintaining a conflict free environment where nobody is ever told the truth? It must be pretty large.
I don't think this is a good idea. The point of a company is to execute the business plan and create revenue and profit by doing so. Requiring brutal honesty of employees doesnt help this. As an employee, you're supposed to play into your role as a cog in the machine. Your honest opinions don't matter very much.
[+] [-] imh|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Dirlewanger|10 years ago|reply
This is what happens when children are raised in frictionless environments. The real world doesn't care about your feelings.
(Can't wait for the downvotes)
[+] [-] Avshalom|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dawnbreez|10 years ago|reply
The problem is that assholes will use it to justify being a dick, just as they used office politics and Ayn Rand.
[+] [-] Dirlewanger|10 years ago|reply
Speaking with candor != being a dick. People can supply direct and honest feedback without making it personal. Someone can criticize someone else's code until the cows come home, while also being excellent friends with them outside the workplace.
[+] [-] riggins|10 years ago|reply
It's a fascinating read
http://www.bwater.com/Uploads/FileManager/Principles/Bridgew...
The other interesting aspect is that Dalio is an adherent of Transcendental Meditation and IIRC the principles really sprang his study of TM and Buddhism.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/12/meditation-creativi...
Meditation has also transformed the corporate culture at Bridgewater. Dalio pays for half of the fees for any employee who's interested in learning TM, and the office features meditation rooms and group sessions. The company is also known for its "brutally honest" meetings, and Dalio says meditation helps his employees to adopt an attitude of calm equanimity that helps them to engage in a productive dialogue without reacting emotionally.
[+] [-] golemotron|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dclowd9901|10 years ago|reply
By the way I say this fully aware that I am privileged to not suffer from, well, whatever triggers actually do to people... ("Feel bad" is all I can figure)
[+] [-] Apanatshka|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ivankirigin|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] seizethecheese|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] twic|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] slmyers|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] protomyth|10 years ago|reply
I've watched my Dad do it and it also tends to shock the recipient when they expect some anger, etc.
[+] [-] brandon272|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] hitekker|10 years ago|reply
----
Gene Consbruck:
You had better not front-stab your boss.
Mike Tian:
"niceness", "politeness", or "etiquette" were invented to allow strangers to co-exist with less friction. They are a code of conduct to prevent violence when people lived in clans and tribes. It was a good invention.
Within a trusted circle, you can strip away some of these things and be "brutally honest", and not rupture your relationship.
But in a larger organization, where people are not necessarily your most trusted confidants, such a strategy is likely to massively backfire.
You cannot have "brutal honesty" (e.g. strip away all the social lubricants of politeness) without a deep and abiding trust. Doing so will result in warfare, either open or subtle.
[+] [-] twic|10 years ago|reply
Something my current employer does, which with hindsight is incredibly obvious, is to separate the roles of leader and manager. Leaders guide the day-to-day work, managers guide the careers of employees. I'm the leader of a development team, and while i do spend a lot of time guiding my team as to what to do and how to do it, i don't carry the can for their happiness, professional development, etc. Rather, that's in the hands of various other people in the company [1], who have monthly one-to-ones, collect feedback, give performance reviews, etc.
As a result, one of the people on my team could absolutely front-stab me without fear of the consequences. They could simply say to their manager that i was a shitty team lead. It would then be up to the manager to act on that information, by giving me or my manager that feedback. That's not hypothetical; it's happened (i actually am a shitty team lead).
[1] That's not to say i don't contribute towards that; if the manager of one of the people on my team comes and tells me that that person is keen to learn more about some topic, i'll try to carve out work related to that topic and let that person work on it. But i'm not the prime mover.
[+] [-] kochb|10 years ago|reply
A key point in the article, radical candor feedback may be blunt but should also be well intentioned, not merely derogatory.
[+] [-] itgoon|10 years ago|reply
It's that many people lack the skills necessary to deal with assholes.
I don't think trying to create conflict-free workplaces (as opposed to personal environments) is a good answer.
[+] [-] danieltillett|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] carlivar|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] turaw|10 years ago|reply
[1]: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/referer-control/hn...
[+] [-] ivankirigin|10 years ago|reply
Also consider paying for high quality journalism. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[+] [-] everly|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] striking|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] super2|10 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] xyzzy4|10 years ago|reply