I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you. That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide whether or not to improve your life or check out early.
Some people reach this point early on in their lives, and others very late. Some people only reach it after undergoing a difficult period and still others reach it with very little drama or pain. I didn't personally come to this realization until I hit my "rock bottom". People never stop feeling sorry for you, but eventually, everyone stops trying to help. When it clicked, though, it changed my life. I've never been the same since, and I believe that's because I made the transition from being a child to becoming an adult.
I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people.
The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad absurdum, that a driver has no responsibility to stay off the sidewalk and that the onus should lie entirely on the pedestrians to dodge her vehicle.
My great-grandfather left his home at the age of 12 to work in a coal mine and send money home to his mother. I'd say he was as much an adult as any college grad today.
My wife's grandpa managed a dairy farm. He got sick once when my wife's dad was 10 years old. Her dad milked the cows so her grandpa could rest and get over his illness. He hasn't stopped milking cows twice a day for 50 years. I'd say he was an adult at 10.
My dad was taught to work like a man from an early age, but was also taught to drink to excess. I remember when he got his last DUI. I was about 11 years old. I'd say that was when he finished growing up.
The dividing line between childhood and adulthood for me is a total blur between the ages of 18 and 28.
I think you have a great defining moment here, but there is one other that is just as foundational in regards to solidifying ground upon which one can grow away from childhood - that in almost all cases, we're all lost and doing some rendition of our best.
As a child we generally assume everyone "above" us knows what they're talking about. Authority derives from behind the curtain that is defined by a hope that whomever is leading us knows what the hell they're doing. And suddenly, when we realize that they don't - that we're all lost - we can start forming our own vision of the world as we would prefer to see it.
That, along with ownership of the personal responsibility you mentioned, defines the difference between childhood and coming into ones own. I think the two are complimentary and I don't believe either revelation exists without the other.
For me it was when I had to put the presents in my first child's stocking. Not only was I responsible for him, I had also to supply the magic and there was nobody doing this for me.
That's when the buck really stops, forget the bills and all the rest.
What about people suffering from any mental illness that would seriously hamper their ability to take responsibilities or reach financial independence ? I am thinking of non episodic depression, phobias preventing doing anything that is performance related, etc.
There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.
Maybe it's a bit far fetched and is an edge case though.
I definitely relate to this. Thought not needing to hit "rock bottom" sometime after I graduated I understood that my parents economic situation was very fragile, that I was setting myself up for a life of mediocrity and that I couldn't depend on them much longer. I immigrated at the age of 19 and have lived on my own since then
By your definition my grandmother stayed a child until she died at 84. I guess that's accurate enough but... meh... almost nobody who is in their 80s who had 10 kids wouldn't be considered an adult.
She did absolutely nothing for herself at all. Ever. For her entire life.
I've frequently thought this over the past few years, and I feel like the conclusion I have is different than others in this thread.
I don't becoming an adult is really about you, exactly. It's not about your independence, or your actions.
It's about when other people become dependent on you.
I think this is the way that it has long been thought of in cultures outside of the post-Enlightenment West. This was my strong opinion after reading Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, (Russia isn't western like the rest of Europe) and Aquinas, Augustine, and Aristotle. I think that this is in part what the Apostle Paul is saying in 1 Corinithians 13:11 ( http://www.esvbible.org/1+Corinthians+13%3A11/ ), where you'll note that he doesn't say the equivalent of stopping to be like a child meant I had become a man, but rather I became a man, so I stopped being like a child.
I think about soldiers I have met and know. They change when they get to NCO status. I think of the boys I have met from North Omaha, which is arguably one of the worst places in America for young African American males, and that there is a difference between the ones who are the oldest in their families and the ones who are the youngest, even if they are the same age. And I think of my friends, and how we've changed when we've had kids, or when someone started a business and got ( real, not just one of his buddies-while-still-in-high-school ) employees.
Adulthood isn't about you, it's about your relationship to others.
Well said. A mentor of mine once told that to be a child is to be dependent, to be an adolescent is to reach for independence, and then to be an adult is to recognize our interdependence.
Duh, sorry, but the culture and history of Russia (and neighboring slavic countries) is an example of how to run away from all sorts of responsibilities.
Probably it sounds good in our classic books but in reality the only "other people become dependent on you" case is nepotism like in Middle Eastern or Central Asian cultures.
But at least people from these cultures care about their elders and far relatives. Russians do not.
I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening).
...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childhood, friends that I consider "adult", and yet I still feel like I did when I graduated college.
I have talked with CEOs and VPs or just other coders that are younger than I, yet I "feel" like they are older, more experienced.
I have no idea when I'm really an adult, but I don't expect it will be soon.
I was talking to a coworker about this. She is 26 and I said "you honestly don't change, like ever."
Granted, I skipped the part about changes that are surprising, but mentally, we are who we are and that feeling of youth never really left me (nearing 40).
I think that there is only two phases. The day you stop reinventing yourself and exploring possibilities, allow yourself to live in a rut, spend more time in front of a TV than out exploring the constantly changing world, and have nothing to show for the past year's effort but a beer belly, is the day you die. I wonder if that is what was meant by adulthood at one time in the past.
As for feeling "younger" than younger people, well, I've always been sort of an old soul, but I think most people would consider my somewhat childish because I don't think about or talk about my experiences too much. I try to live in the moment and don't feel like I should share some aged wisdom. Life is more interesting and insightful with laughter, IMO.
I'm in a similar boat as your. My Mom put it the best a few years ago: "Son, I may be in my 60s, but my mind is always in my late 20s."
You do toggle between different ages, wearing different adult hats depending on situations and people dealt on hands. But everyone's baseline mind is in their late 20s.
At least, that's what I gather from talking to people. :)
Boom... Like being a parent or taking care of parents.
For me it was when I got married. At first it was like cool and then it dawned on me that as head of household, I was responsible for more than just ME!
Once my kids were born, a different type of adulthood settled in. The decisions that I had made earlier in my life about things like moving, finances, and doing stupid things on the weekends with my wife weren't as easy to make or not even possible.
And now as time has passed, I've had to deal with aging parents. I now talk with my mom and dad as an adult and not a child. Our discussions when dealing with serious topics related to health or family now weigh heavier on me. I now carry a sense of responsibility with me that I just can't shake.
For me the moment I entered adulthood was the moment I couldn't shake my responsibilities anymore. I also want to point out that I choose to be responsible. Could I decide tomorrow to be irresponsible? Hell yes, but I choose not to because I have people that depend on me.
One last thing, being an adult does not stop me from doing kid like things. I still play plenty of video games like my favorite Black OPS 3 (many hours have been thrown into that black hole of time) and watch cartoons like Bleach (soap opera for nerds).
I never really liked this question. The article even states verbatim why I have this feeling. "Adulthood is a social construct."
So when we're saying "are you an adult?" I'd like to ask what are we REALLY getting at. An ability to handle X class of situations? An ability to make X levels of abstract reasoning about social processes? There are so many and so variable a set of objective and subjective markers that any sort of broad statement seems useless, at best, deceptive and detracting from the actual markers at worst.
I had a conversation with my father once, something along the lines of, "We really all just get better at pretending, don't we?"
I'm not sure what my "Central point" of this post is, (and it's far from my more rigorously argued ones) so take it as a collection of thoughts on how I've found the most "personal enlightenment" regarding adulthood, as a rather transparent contrived construct; realizing this was (perhaps ironically given my thesis on this) my internal moment of "I have reached adulthood".
"There is a time in the life of every boy when he for the first time takes the backward view of life. Perhaps that is the moment when he crosses the line into manhood. The boy is walking through the street of his town. He is thinking of the future and of the figure he will cut in the world. Ambitions and regrets awake within him. Suddenly something happens; he stops under a tree and waits as for a voice calling his name. Ghosts of old things creep into his consciousness; the voices outside of himself whisper a message concerning the limitations of life. From being quite sure of himself and his future he becomes not at all sure. If he be an imaginative boy a door is torn open and for the first time he looks out upon the world, seeing, as though they marched in procession before him, the countless figures of men who before his time have come out of nothingness into the world, lived their lives and again disappeared into nothingness. The sadness of sophistication has come to the boy. With a little gasp he sees himself as merely a leaf blown by the wind through the streets of his village. He knows that in spite of all the stout talk of his fellows he must live and die in uncertainty, a thing blown by the winds, a thing destined like corn to wilt in the sun. He shivers and looks eagerly about. The eighteen years he has lived seem but a moment, a breathing space in the long march of humanity. Already he hears death calling. With all his heart he wants to come close to some other human, touch someone with his hands, be touched by the hand of another. If he prefers that the other be a woman, that is because he believes that a woman will be gentle, that she will understand. He wants, most of all, understanding."
There is a mode of adulthood that is dangerous and worth mentioning, which is a kind of hard-hearted acceptance that the world isn't fair, life is full of suffering, and there's nothing you (or anyone) can do about except suck it up and keep going. There's a kind of grim determination to continue despite not wanting to. Maybe it's because you have people depending on you, or maybe it's because you're just very stubborn. To some extent, I associate this mode with the opening scene of "There Will Be Blood" when Daniel Day Lewis' character is injured and spares not a single moment on despair, or self-pity, and gets himself out of a miserable situation, against the odds.
In this mode, there is little time or urge for compassion, or play, or joy. You are a cog in a large machine that values you only and precisely according to your economic function, who's body participates in multiple overlapping patterns of decay, and that's it. Maybe, if you're religious, you can look forward to a happy afterlife (and indeed one can imagine the role of religion in such a person's life is to offer a reason to not act out on the rage that inevitably underlies such an existence).
Almost everyone on HN is lucky to not have to endure this (or at least, for any length of time). And indeed, startups cannot succeed with that grimness. You must maintain your sense of play and joy, I think, to be successful in this space, because this is the most playful and joyful part of the economy! We make stuff that makes people go "ooh" and "ahh", and how can you really do that if you're an adult?
I'm barely an adult. Partly because of my bad childhood where I wasn't accepted by my parents and peers as trans. And partly my fault for not getting my proverbial head out of my own ass (therapy, transitioning, finishing my grad degree). Now at 35 I'm just growing up. And I don't mean the basic stuff like keeping a budget and showing up for work doing a good job. I'm talking about making my own circle of friends, actually being me (gender transition), and not being so craven to get outside of my comfort zone. It just seems to me adulthood is that one thing you can't ever be prepared for either. >_> /rant
I got about halfway through, then kept scrolling to see how long it really was, especially since I felt that I had gotten the gist of the article... WAY too long for what could be succinctly described in a page or two.
The whole topic is centered around Adulthood is a social construct. For that matter, so is childhood. And, at some level, you should realize the classification is, well, hogwash.
I first drove a truck when I was 11. My dad drove tractor all summer starting when he was 9. The 3 year old in Dune killed dying enemy soldiers when 3. These are all presumably adult activities. I substantially took care of a farm at the age of 12.
If you are lucky enough to figure out who you are at a young age, the rest is semi-interesting narrative.
Forget the classifications that others would impose on you. Do what you love, and the rest will sort itself out.
I once had the following conversation with my daughter, i think when she was 15. I said, a bit tongue in cheek, "Be patient with your parents, as they are only now catching up to the notion of who you are, or were, and know they will know no more about you or your life than you did when you were six." She gave a silent smile.
I'm 30, married, have 4 kids (with one on the way), own a house, and have a good job. But I cannot grow a mustache or beard, except for a small patch under my chin; the best I can do is literally a neck beard. I'll never feel like an adult. Ever.
Adulthood, maturity, is fundamentally about responsibility. Are you a person who is always seeking the help of others or are you a person who is substantially self-reliant and who others go to for help? That's the dividing line for adulthood.
Notice that this has nothing to do with style, fashion, or entertainment choices. You can drink scotch, smoke cigars, wear suits every day, and drive a luxury automobile, that doesn't make you more mature. And you can chew bubblegum, watch cartoons, play videogames, wear jeans and hoodies, that doesn't make you less mature.
The moment my dad said his only worry for me was making sure I was able to learn and handle being responsible for myself and responsibilities I'd have for my life including others.. to realize I had already been doing it for a bit.
Beyond that, I think as an adult it's a critical moment to realize it's not about what you get from the world, but what you are able to give, and your ability to think about others as much as you think for your self is critical when you have to work and function with any combination of working in the world, relationships, family and kids.
As someone who considers himself very recently an adult, the quick and dirty and only-half-joking rule of thumb among my peers is whether someone is paying for their own cell phone plan.
Adulthood is defined by extreme personal responsibility.
I didn't consider making a baby adulthood, or getting a $100k/year job to be adulthood. If anything, I was _less_ responsible for my own actions (ballooning to 360lbs), because I started focusing on the things I _had_ to do, and let my personal development stop due to not having time.
Oddly, I realized and _grasped_ the concept that I had to take responsibility for my actions at around 19. But thinking that I had to check these checkboxes off my "Steps to Adulthood" list, I put off everything else in order to achieve it. I didn't actually achieve adulthood from that path, I just had the trappings and appearance of adulthood. But I was still about 13 years old inside.
I didn't consider myself an adult until the second time I made a judge run out of the courtroom (I declared a de jure court mid-sentencing after serving him notice of that right). The actual reason is less than relevant, but it was the taking control of my potential, and using it responsibly to help someone else, that brought me to adulthood.
[+] [-] marknutter|10 years ago|reply
Some people reach this point early on in their lives, and others very late. Some people only reach it after undergoing a difficult period and still others reach it with very little drama or pain. I didn't personally come to this realization until I hit my "rock bottom". People never stop feeling sorry for you, but eventually, everyone stops trying to help. When it clicked, though, it changed my life. I've never been the same since, and I believe that's because I made the transition from being a child to becoming an adult.
[+] [-] rprospero|10 years ago|reply
The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad absurdum, that a driver has no responsibility to stay off the sidewalk and that the onus should lie entirely on the pedestrians to dodge her vehicle.
[+] [-] notdonspaulding|10 years ago|reply
My great-grandfather left his home at the age of 12 to work in a coal mine and send money home to his mother. I'd say he was as much an adult as any college grad today.
My wife's grandpa managed a dairy farm. He got sick once when my wife's dad was 10 years old. Her dad milked the cows so her grandpa could rest and get over his illness. He hasn't stopped milking cows twice a day for 50 years. I'd say he was an adult at 10.
My dad was taught to work like a man from an early age, but was also taught to drink to excess. I remember when he got his last DUI. I was about 11 years old. I'd say that was when he finished growing up.
The dividing line between childhood and adulthood for me is a total blur between the ages of 18 and 28.
[+] [-] Steko|10 years ago|reply
I don't think this definition fits extended family cultures like you'd see in other parts of the world very well.
[+] [-] enobrev|10 years ago|reply
As a child we generally assume everyone "above" us knows what they're talking about. Authority derives from behind the curtain that is defined by a hope that whomever is leading us knows what the hell they're doing. And suddenly, when we realize that they don't - that we're all lost - we can start forming our own vision of the world as we would prefer to see it.
That, along with ownership of the personal responsibility you mentioned, defines the difference between childhood and coming into ones own. I think the two are complimentary and I don't believe either revelation exists without the other.
[+] [-] SilasX|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] branchless|10 years ago|reply
That's when the buck really stops, forget the bills and all the rest.
[+] [-] theoh|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] BurningFrog|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] samstave|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] johnchristopher|10 years ago|reply
There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.
Maybe it's a bit far fetched and is an edge case though.
[+] [-] holografix|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] wyager|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|10 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] nommm-nommm|10 years ago|reply
She did absolutely nothing for herself at all. Ever. For her entire life.
[+] [-] _nato_|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] pc86|10 years ago|reply
Sounds about right.
[+] [-] Syrup-tan|10 years ago|reply
Hmmm, I wonder if it's possible to come to this realization just by thinking about it, and not having to hit rock bottom.
HMMM
[+] [-] joatmon-snoo|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|10 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] MarkPNeyer|10 years ago|reply
same thing happened here.
[+] [-] beccasanchez|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] beccasanchez|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] russnewcomer|10 years ago|reply
I don't becoming an adult is really about you, exactly. It's not about your independence, or your actions.
It's about when other people become dependent on you.
I think this is the way that it has long been thought of in cultures outside of the post-Enlightenment West. This was my strong opinion after reading Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, (Russia isn't western like the rest of Europe) and Aquinas, Augustine, and Aristotle. I think that this is in part what the Apostle Paul is saying in 1 Corinithians 13:11 ( http://www.esvbible.org/1+Corinthians+13%3A11/ ), where you'll note that he doesn't say the equivalent of stopping to be like a child meant I had become a man, but rather I became a man, so I stopped being like a child.
I think about soldiers I have met and know. They change when they get to NCO status. I think of the boys I have met from North Omaha, which is arguably one of the worst places in America for young African American males, and that there is a difference between the ones who are the oldest in their families and the ones who are the youngest, even if they are the same age. And I think of my friends, and how we've changed when we've had kids, or when someone started a business and got ( real, not just one of his buddies-while-still-in-high-school ) employees.
Adulthood isn't about you, it's about your relationship to others.
[+] [-] randlet|10 years ago|reply
Love it!
[+] [-] hgh|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] brightball|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] wordbank|10 years ago|reply
Probably it sounds good in our classic books but in reality the only "other people become dependent on you" case is nepotism like in Middle Eastern or Central Asian cultures.
But at least people from these cultures care about their elders and far relatives. Russians do not.
[+] [-] ergothus|10 years ago|reply
...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childhood, friends that I consider "adult", and yet I still feel like I did when I graduated college.
I have talked with CEOs and VPs or just other coders that are younger than I, yet I "feel" like they are older, more experienced.
I have no idea when I'm really an adult, but I don't expect it will be soon.
[+] [-] dizzystar|10 years ago|reply
Granted, I skipped the part about changes that are surprising, but mentally, we are who we are and that feeling of youth never really left me (nearing 40).
I think that there is only two phases. The day you stop reinventing yourself and exploring possibilities, allow yourself to live in a rut, spend more time in front of a TV than out exploring the constantly changing world, and have nothing to show for the past year's effort but a beer belly, is the day you die. I wonder if that is what was meant by adulthood at one time in the past.
As for feeling "younger" than younger people, well, I've always been sort of an old soul, but I think most people would consider my somewhat childish because I don't think about or talk about my experiences too much. I try to live in the moment and don't feel like I should share some aged wisdom. Life is more interesting and insightful with laughter, IMO.
[+] [-] pcurve|10 years ago|reply
You do toggle between different ages, wearing different adult hats depending on situations and people dealt on hands. But everyone's baseline mind is in their late 20s.
At least, that's what I gather from talking to people. :)
[+] [-] aNoob7000|10 years ago|reply
For me it was when I got married. At first it was like cool and then it dawned on me that as head of household, I was responsible for more than just ME!
Once my kids were born, a different type of adulthood settled in. The decisions that I had made earlier in my life about things like moving, finances, and doing stupid things on the weekends with my wife weren't as easy to make or not even possible.
And now as time has passed, I've had to deal with aging parents. I now talk with my mom and dad as an adult and not a child. Our discussions when dealing with serious topics related to health or family now weigh heavier on me. I now carry a sense of responsibility with me that I just can't shake.
For me the moment I entered adulthood was the moment I couldn't shake my responsibilities anymore. I also want to point out that I choose to be responsible. Could I decide tomorrow to be irresponsible? Hell yes, but I choose not to because I have people that depend on me.
One last thing, being an adult does not stop me from doing kid like things. I still play plenty of video games like my favorite Black OPS 3 (many hours have been thrown into that black hole of time) and watch cartoons like Bleach (soap opera for nerds).
My two cents worth.
[+] [-] existencebox|10 years ago|reply
So when we're saying "are you an adult?" I'd like to ask what are we REALLY getting at. An ability to handle X class of situations? An ability to make X levels of abstract reasoning about social processes? There are so many and so variable a set of objective and subjective markers that any sort of broad statement seems useless, at best, deceptive and detracting from the actual markers at worst.
I had a conversation with my father once, something along the lines of, "We really all just get better at pretending, don't we?"
I'm not sure what my "Central point" of this post is, (and it's far from my more rigorously argued ones) so take it as a collection of thoughts on how I've found the most "personal enlightenment" regarding adulthood, as a rather transparent contrived construct; realizing this was (perhaps ironically given my thesis on this) my internal moment of "I have reached adulthood".
[+] [-] coffeemug|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] javajosh|10 years ago|reply
In this mode, there is little time or urge for compassion, or play, or joy. You are a cog in a large machine that values you only and precisely according to your economic function, who's body participates in multiple overlapping patterns of decay, and that's it. Maybe, if you're religious, you can look forward to a happy afterlife (and indeed one can imagine the role of religion in such a person's life is to offer a reason to not act out on the rage that inevitably underlies such an existence).
Almost everyone on HN is lucky to not have to endure this (or at least, for any length of time). And indeed, startups cannot succeed with that grimness. You must maintain your sense of play and joy, I think, to be successful in this space, because this is the most playful and joyful part of the economy! We make stuff that makes people go "ooh" and "ahh", and how can you really do that if you're an adult?
[+] [-] Raphmedia|10 years ago|reply
There is a transition when people stop caring for you and you care for yourself but for no one else yet. We call this teens.
Call it what you want, it's not really age dependant. We have simply put words on psychological changes and tied them with age.
Some people become adults at 12 years old. Other at 40. I've met "adults" that are only tall children and children that are short adults.
[+] [-] norea-armozel|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] acconrad|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] TranquilMarmot|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] rikkus|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] egru|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] wglb|10 years ago|reply
The whole topic is centered around Adulthood is a social construct. For that matter, so is childhood. And, at some level, you should realize the classification is, well, hogwash.
I first drove a truck when I was 11. My dad drove tractor all summer starting when he was 9. The 3 year old in Dune killed dying enemy soldiers when 3. These are all presumably adult activities. I substantially took care of a farm at the age of 12.
If you are lucky enough to figure out who you are at a young age, the rest is semi-interesting narrative.
Forget the classifications that others would impose on you. Do what you love, and the rest will sort itself out.
I once had the following conversation with my daughter, i think when she was 15. I said, a bit tongue in cheek, "Be patient with your parents, as they are only now catching up to the notion of who you are, or were, and know they will know no more about you or your life than you did when you were six." She gave a silent smile.
[+] [-] x3n0ph3n3|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] sdegutis|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] InclinedPlane|10 years ago|reply
Notice that this has nothing to do with style, fashion, or entertainment choices. You can drink scotch, smoke cigars, wear suits every day, and drive a luxury automobile, that doesn't make you more mature. And you can chew bubblegum, watch cartoons, play videogames, wear jeans and hoodies, that doesn't make you less mature.
[+] [-] j45|10 years ago|reply
Beyond that, I think as an adult it's a critical moment to realize it's not about what you get from the world, but what you are able to give, and your ability to think about others as much as you think for your self is critical when you have to work and function with any combination of working in the world, relationships, family and kids.
[+] [-] joefkelley|10 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Outdoorsman|10 years ago|reply
That is, you've managed your own affairs so that you're now in a position to help others who need help managing theirs...
That's the cornerstone of a healthy and productive society--accomplished elders mentoring the young on a consistent basis...
[+] [-] anonbanker|10 years ago|reply
I didn't consider making a baby adulthood, or getting a $100k/year job to be adulthood. If anything, I was _less_ responsible for my own actions (ballooning to 360lbs), because I started focusing on the things I _had_ to do, and let my personal development stop due to not having time.
Oddly, I realized and _grasped_ the concept that I had to take responsibility for my actions at around 19. But thinking that I had to check these checkboxes off my "Steps to Adulthood" list, I put off everything else in order to achieve it. I didn't actually achieve adulthood from that path, I just had the trappings and appearance of adulthood. But I was still about 13 years old inside.
I didn't consider myself an adult until the second time I made a judge run out of the courtroom (I declared a de jure court mid-sentencing after serving him notice of that right). The actual reason is less than relevant, but it was the taking control of my potential, and using it responsibly to help someone else, that brought me to adulthood.
[+] [-] Kapow|10 years ago|reply
What does this mean? Google has no results for that phrase, using any verb tense.