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I Have No Idea What This Startup Does and Nobody Will Tell Me

131 points| joeyespo | 10 years ago |gawker.com | reply

46 comments

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[+] aresant|10 years ago|reply
Top comment on the article is probably partially correct, if snarky:

"Well, at the very least, it’s the most elaborate iteration of “Daddy needs a tax deduction” that I’ve ever seen."

That the pocket-square emblazoned founder of a sexy non-profit is the son of a well-heeled VC is old hat.

"Changing the world" is one of the well established paths for masters-of-the-universe in training.

But the attachment to also running his own "Venture Fund" as a 20 year old made me realize what a crazy good time to be young, in any Ivy / forward thinking school and have a pocket full of cash - just saw the official UC Berkeley House Fund (1) news last week in this vein.

As an investment thesis getting your money first in line before the next Zuck or Gates drops out of Harvard / Yale / Berk ain't a bad idea

(1) http://news.berkeley.edu/2016/04/22/the-house-fund/

[+] gr3yh47|10 years ago|reply
Helena sounds vaguely like Builderberg Jr to me
[+] tsunamifury|10 years ago|reply
The first time I met a few semi-prominent VC partners to casually chat about an startup I was thinking about, I was surprised at how well received my napkin idea was. At the end of the walk around building they had said they would love to help find an angel round and I was taken aback at how eager and positive they were. I even mentioned that it seemed unreal that they'd be willing to jump in that quickly. One of the partners laughed and said "Are you kidding, you gave me a solid pitch with technology we believe you can build. I spend half my day sorting through pitches that involve some obscure form of perpetual motion or pyramid schemes. Our chat was better than most formal presentations we get."

I've since made it a bit of habit to gauge the quality of pitches a VC I talk to has gotten recently. Many of the stories I've heard make this pitch seem almost competent.

[+] beat|10 years ago|reply
The absolute worst thing about going to events where a bunch of people pitch is just how awful most startup ideas are. Not awful in the too-crazy-to-work sense (like Uber or AirBnB), but awful in the entering-a-crowded-market-with-a-very-timid-idea sense. Things with no reasonable path to monetization.

The opposite of pg's "frighteningly ambitious" is "unfrighteningly unambitious". There are too many startups out there that won't scare anyone - especially their founders.

[+] raverbashing|10 years ago|reply
This hurt to read.

It seems this Helena was made by some Markov chain or CNN that read too many startup and corporate prospects

Oh of course it already has a board and investors

And it's going to use synergy to empower the next level of corporate creativity or something like that

Really

One of the commenters gives a plausible idea: 'Well, at the very least, it’s the most elaborate iteration of “Daddy needs a tax deduction” that I’ve ever seen.'

[+] CiPHPerCoder|10 years ago|reply
I wonder if we can get some of their investors in on board for @TheDailyMarkov?
[+] Zanta|10 years ago|reply
I got a good laugh out of his bio line 'After leaving traditional high school to compete on the international ski racing circuit...,' trying to throw off a genius-playboy-athlete vibe.

His FIS profile has him as a 100 point skier (1). I was a 100 point skier, and I sucked ass, miles away from any reasonable standard of international competition.

(1) http://data.fis-ski.com/dynamic/athlete-biography.html?secto...

[+] arihant|10 years ago|reply
This is harsher than it needs to be. A lot of us as sophomores started clubs, companies, organizations. I sincerely think this guy is trying to do something similar. He just seems to have better contacts. We also made (or projected) embarrassing mistakes at our first ventures. He maybe doing some of those too.

But from the look of it, it is simply an intellectually curious kid trying to keep himself busy. He also has a venture firm which backs that he has that kind of flare.

Not every 20-year-old student venture should be a Snapchat. Relax and let the guy do what makes him happy.

[+] CPLX|10 years ago|reply
> A lot of us as sophomores started clubs, companies, organizations. I sincerely think this guy is trying to do something similar.

He hired fucking Rogers & Cowan, the global PR firm and division of Interpublic, to handle media relations. That's not similar.

If he wanted to mind his own business and stay out of the press (and it's attendant judgement) he certainly had that option.

[+] overcast|10 years ago|reply
It's actually right on point. Don't act like this is just some kid in his dorm coding up a new idea. This is just a giant money laundering scheme for the rich father.
[+] tdaltonc|10 years ago|reply
I'm super glad that my sophomoric musings didn't have this kind of reach, but it does seem odd that someones can.
[+] Havoc|10 years ago|reply
Would be nice though if they weren't trying so hard to avoid saying...well anything
[+] joezydeco|10 years ago|reply
"How does a 20-year-old college kid come to be the CEO of an international startup and the owner of a VC firm? If his last name is familiar, it’s probably not just because he is the Founder, CEO and Chairman of the Helena Group, but because his dad is Bill Elkus, a successful venture capitalist (“one of the top 50 to 100 Venture Capitalists in the United States by Forbes Magazine in its annual Midas List on three separate occasions,” according to his website bio)."

Is it really that hard to figure out this is just something to keep the kid busy (and maybe brush up against some Hollywood starlets)?

C'mon, at least mount a hostile takeover of zombo.com or something.

[+] sharkweek|10 years ago|reply
Wow zombo.com what a throwback -

"Anything is possible... at zombo-com"

[+] jasonlfunk|10 years ago|reply
I think it's clear that the company doesn't know what they are doing. It's hard to be that consistently unclear. It sounds like they are trying to pull a bunch of smart people in a room and come up with a problem they can solve. Most people figure out what they want to do first and then start a company. It appears that they decided to start a company and then figure out what they want to do.
[+] maffydub|10 years ago|reply
"Most people figure out what they want to do first and then start a company."

...and then figure out that no-one wants them to do that, and hopefully pivot to something people do want?

</cynical> ;)

[+] beat|10 years ago|reply
I heard a couple of founders pitching the other day, and answered a question from a VC with (and I paraphrase) "We'll implement this, and then figure out what problem it solves".

To an extent, you can work by simply building a basic technology and, as William Gibson said, "The street finds its own uses for things". But doing that requires a fundamental new tech.

Likewise, you can work by simply getting a bunch of smart, powerful people in a room and seeing what happens. But at best, the street finds its own uses for things. At worst, it's a venue for networking and a free catered dinner. If you don't bring them a problem to solve in advance, they'll just do what they want, which probably won't be useful to anyone but themselves.

Looking at this, though, the one thing that does stand out from all the mush is the idea of getting different generations to work together. Which is (I say this as an old fart) stupid. A bunch of entitled college kids complaining that the old people who run the world don't listen to them or let them "innovate" solutions? Feh. All those old people were young once, too. They remember being young. They remember being absolutely certain that they understood how the world worked, and how to solve all the problems, and they remember knowing that the main impediment to saving the planet was all the old people who were running everything not listening to them. The reason the Boomer masters of the universe don't take Millenials seriously is because they've been around long enough to know just how naive kids are, and that there's no wisdom in being naive.

But I rant. Anyway, this is BS. Nobody is going to solve any problems by getting the stupid old people to listen to the brilliant young people.

[+] stepvhen|10 years ago|reply
Silicon Valley on HBO did just have its Season 3 premier yesterday. Could this (hopefully) be some huge fake marketing stunt?
[+] UniZero|10 years ago|reply
Helen: an influential think group that answers to the highest bidder.

It doesn't seem as complicating as the article suggests.

[+] hooo|10 years ago|reply
Completely agree... nicely worded. They should have that on slide 1!
[+] traviswingo|10 years ago|reply
To me, this looks like they are attempting to gather people, who have a "voice" in the world, in order to speak out about issues that affect the masses. It's a company whose sole purpose is to accelerate and "change" the human race. Pretty cool if you ask me.

We're a self-destructing group of selfish individuals who, more often than not, cannot see further than the tip of our nose. I'm glad there's a group who is trying to shine light on that.

[+] southclaw|10 years ago|reply
I feel like they will "speak out" about promotions more than anything to be honest... maybe I'm just pessimistic!
[+] basch|10 years ago|reply
it s a quid pro quo "you hock my cause, ill mention yours."

it s an upvote brigade.

i see little they promise to do besides increase visibility.

its a way for people to use an influential social network as a megaphone.

[+] fs111|10 years ago|reply
funny how this "suddenly" drops off the frontpage...
[+] pak|10 years ago|reply
The gawker domain might have triggered a few genuine flags, but I found that odd too.
[+] coldcode|10 years ago|reply
This is really funny. Maybe not intentionally. It belongs on Comedy Central as a series.
[+] bko|10 years ago|reply
Helena reminds me of George Constanza's The Human Fund: Money for People
[+] mozumder|10 years ago|reply
It's a networking/social/party group, like ivy.com.
[+] jrnichols|10 years ago|reply
If anything, it reminds me of the Better Off Ted episode with "Jabberwocky."

Nobody knew what it did or what it was, but everyone wanted in on it... somehow.

[+] CPLX|10 years ago|reply
If my chin was as advanced as those of Henry, Noah, or Benjamin, I would certainly try to leverage that competitive advantage as well.
[+] cat-dev-null|10 years ago|reply
Some folks just haven't heard of stealth mode and formation.

It's hard to call something BS when they're not yet ready or publicly-launched.

PS: Gawker is bankrupt, content quality on Gizmodo is also suffering terribly.