[LCDninja]

I accidentally euthanised my father because I misunderstood the conversation I was having with a nurse. He had a stroke and was in intensive care, we were told he probably wouldn't live - and if he did - he'd require care for the rest of his life. He had fallen into a coma when the nurse kept asking me if I thought he was in pain and needed more morphine. She kept giving him more, returning to ask the same question and doing it over and over. I can't remember how many times. He began Cheyne–Stokes breathing, and eventually died.

I remember feeling strange about the situation, and years later I connected the dots between the amount of morphine given, the breathing (symptomatic of morphine overdose), and his subsequent death. Understanding that I was responsible was something that took a long time to cope with.

My mother faced terminal cancer a few years ago, and I found myself in exactly the same situation. Thankfully I understood what was happening. The decision to take her off fluids and to "help her along," was made by a team of medical staff with myself deeply involved in the discussion (which looking back, was a desperate attempt for me to negotiate any way I could for her life). At least Mum understood she was going to die, and I'm glad my eyes were open to what was happening.

I feel that the economics of hospital beds have a lot to do with this. Beds in the oncology ward are in demand, as of those in intensive care. I've seen all of my families previous generation die of cancer in either in the same way - in hospital, in oncology or intensive care, always assisted death.

It makes me think that if I ever go down that road I don't want to be anywhere near the medical industrial complex.

[utexaspunk]

My grandfather had Alzheimer's and after several years of accelerating decline, he fell and broke his hip and over the course of another year slowly deteriorated into him being wheelchair-bound and basically catatonic, until he developed a wound which would not heal.

It finally got bad enough that he was moved to hospice. The doctors and nurses at his hospital did not make any sort of suggestions about "helping him along" and it was my wife (whose mother works for a probate/guardianship attorney and has observed the process many times) who suggested that they use the code words to "help him along". My parents and grandmother, ever in denial, would not consider it.

So instead he lay there being given palliative care but no food or drink, only water sponged on his lips to keep them moist, for 2 weeks before he finally died of either starvation or dehydration. It was awful- his urine turned a dark purple and it was like he melted from the inside.

I wish the doctors had been a little more forward about it. There was absolutely no purpose in making him endure that. I can only hope his mind was by then too far gone to suffer, but it sure looked like suffering to me. My wife and I have discussed it and both know that's we would prefer a little help. Sometimes it really is the most humane thing to do.

[edc117]

This is ghoulish. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and it honestly makes me terrified of having to deal with it when my parents pass someday - my father has already had a stroke, and told me he does not want to go through it again, that he would rather be taken off life support and be allowed to pass peacefully. I can't even imagine having to watch someone I cared for starve to death in front of me.

[three14]

One might argue that giving "no food or drink" is simply a crueler version of assisted suicide.

With a lot of these stories, I get the impression that the goal is to reduce the medical professionals' suffering, which may or may not coincide with minimizing the patient's suffering.

[mfoy_]

Reading this, and other comments, makes me realize there is a secret assisted-dying dance in play in the medical system. If you say the magic words "I think he is in pain" repeatedly, then the medical staff can legally administer a coincidentally lethal amount of morphine.

If assisted-dying was legal, regulated, and a well accepted practice there would be none of this "Do you think he is in pain? wink" nonsense and they could directly ask whether or not you would like to have him humanely euthanized.

Then no one else would ever have to begin a comment with "I accidentally euthanized my father" ever again. That is just too tragic. Even if it was honestly the best course of action, I'd want to at least be cognizant of my decision, not to just piece it together years later. :(

[betlinebutter]

I was worried I see a lot of comments like this. Your concerns are legit, but it's far worse for people to watch their loved ones suffer.

The discussion I have with families is usually very up-front about the fact that our comfort-care medications can hasten death. But in the ICU that I practice in, that's almost always a good thing. Sometimes use continues infusions to avoid the correlation between a dose given and subsequent respiratory arrest. But I have no doubts about the ethical nature of this. Just wish we could be more open about it, as the article suggests.

[boie0025]

I agree, I think the situation with possible miscommunication is now, to me, one of the better arguments for legalization of assisted-dying. What a tragic story; but I'm glad I read it, I will surely now be cognizant of it should I find myself in a similar situation.

[fixermark]

Honestly, I don't think the overriding factor is economics. I think the overriding factor is that medical professionals know what a dying person looks like, have some understanding of what continuous, inescapable pain might feel like, and want to do the most humane thing possible.

Having been in a room with a terminal cancer patient fighting through her body shutting down, it wasn't a question of "How fast can we clear this bed." It was more the sense of "This is what every second of the rest of her life is going to be. Should that life be hours or minutes long?"

[PantaloonFlames]

you didn't accidentally euthanize your father. The nurse purposefully did, and she was covering her butt by involving you. You were an unaware observer (Sorry). She knew what was the humane thing to do, and she knew you were not up to it, and so she assumed responsibility.

Death of parent is difficult. Sorry that you had do go through such a difficult time.

[pc86]

There's another word for that - murder.

I am totally in favor of euthanasia under the right circumstances. A nurse tricking someone who is certainly is shock into nodding their heads and saying "ok" is not under any conditions the right circumstances.

[deelowe]

As others have said, the nurse knew it was the right thing to do and was just involving you to avoid any liability. You aren't a trained medical professional and didn't know what was going on. Trust that the medical staff made the right decision. It sounds like they probably did.

[cbhl]

If I was legitimately in that much pain, my greatest fear is that my loved ones would choose to keep me alive (and in pain) just so I could "live" a bit longer.

[kazinator]

> I accidentally euthanised my father

Oh my god! That is horrible, and you are absolutely not to blame in any way. From the way you tell it, the instigator was the nurse. At the bed-side of your dad in a coma, you are in no shape to rationally process what is going on and grasp the full meaning of the questions; and in fact it took you years to "connect the dots". The nurse knows exactly what morphine can do and what are the limits on dosing; she had the dots all connected.

You must rid yourself of the every last trace of blame; to be caught in the flow of events does not imply being the root cause. Start by taking back the sentence I accidentally euthanised my father. It isn't true; you didn't do that, accidentally or otherwise.

Have a great day!