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pastProlog | 9 years ago
Some guys come to think that they are not cocky/jerky, but other guys are, and that this behavior "works well with some women".
It's odd to me how they can think this, although it's odd to me people have religious or other irrational beliefs.
An attractive man can be so attractive that he can be cocky or a jerk and yet still be attractive. It is that simple. If a man is less attractive, if he is a jerk that makes him even less attractive.
Let us say for the sake of argument that Dan Bilzerian acts like a jerk towards women. He is still a famous, fit, young millionaire. So that can be seen as one minus among a number of pluses. Perhaps another guy is unknown, very overweight, ten years older and broke. He acts nice, but gets little response, then sees Dan be a jerk, yet still be attractive. The reaction to this is not, "maybe I should work out and get fit" or "maybe I should work and make money", but "maybe I should be a jerk instead of being nice". Sorry, adding one more negative attribute to your pile of negative attributes is not going to help. Attractive guys are attractive despite the ability to be a jerk, not because of it.
I mean, Michael Jordan or Muhammad Ali might be cocky before a match, but they could back it up with skill. Them talking trash before some matches is not what is central to their ability. It's an outgrowth of it. The crummiest player can talk trash before a match too.
I guess if a guy is unattractive, it's more comforting for him to think it is not because he out of shape or narcissitic or broke or unsocial or uptight, but it's because he's too nice and too great of a guy. It's surely one of the roots of this bizarre idea that girls don't want someone nice, they want a jerk. Actually, they want someone so attractive that girls still want them even if they act like a jerk.
whamlastxmas|9 years ago
You're entitled to your opinion, and your opinion is based on your experiences. You don't really say what your experiences are so it's hard to discuss where I think you're thought process is wrong.
If you take the adjective "jerk" literally then yeah you're right, it's not very effective. When I say "jerk" I say it tongue in cheek, because that's how men describe it when they're passive push-overs without any confidence to do anything other than be entirely submissive to women.
Being a "jerk" is: independence, confidence, aloofness towards incoming negativity, tenacity in facing superficial barriers, and a healthy lack of ego while maintaining a sense of self-worth. People who lack these attributes have their self-esteem threatened when they see others who have it, hence the reason they look like "jerks" even though that's a list of great personality traits.
Also something worth mentioning: women want both. They want a jerk and they want a nice guy. They want to date the jerk but marry the nice guy. The problem is a single man struggles to be both. This means you have women who are unhappy that their jerk boyfriend won't commit, or they're unhappy because they're sexually unattracted to their nice husband despite how good he is with the kids. This is of course a huge hyperbole and generalization, and there are plenty of marriages where a man provides both roles just fine. My point is that lots of women want both roles, but it's hard to find both in a single man.
aianus|9 years ago
It's like the female version of the Madonna–whore complex
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
hilop|9 years ago