[estefan]

What sort of things do you want examples of?

This approach opens you up to far more opportunities. Say you have a spare weekend and you aren't sure what to do with it, but feel like going out. You could use the opportunity to try something you wouldn't normally do: go to an event on something you know nothing about, or even on a subject you don't really like. When you're there, find people who are really into the subject and try to understand from them why they like it. Maybe you'll see what they see, maybe you won't. But this curious mindset will pay dividends if you need to be creative, or develop rapport with people, or just want to see what's out there.

I'd had some things going on and wanted a holiday. So I went on my own. I went out to bars on my own, which I wouldn't have done before because I'd have thought I'd have a had a rubbish night. But I ended up meeting a few people, then a few more and had an amazing night. I realised that it was down to me to make the effort to have a good night, so I started speaking to the people around me.

There are so many opportunities every day just waiting to be taken. I used to close myself off from them because I wanted to somehow cherry-pick in advance only those that would make me happy, or lead to 'good' outcomes. When you remove that constraint, you become open to much more of life.

[Agamus]

I have rarely heard this insight and perspective put so well. I have often "felt drawn to the bad" for the experience dividends and by the same reasoning. In some ways, I have always tried to train myself to be drawn to things I do not prefer. Lowering happiness expectations is a better way to express this and gets you there quicker! I would take it further, and recommend dropping all expectations, but I suppose at that point we arrive at zen or taoism.

(Were we friends years ago on MBS?)

[estefan]

> I would take it further, and recommend dropping all expectations, but I suppose at that point we arrive at zen or taoism.

Yeah that's the natural extension of it, but I'm not quite at that stage yet :-) I think with Zen, Taoism, etc. it's far better to reach the same insights and realisations - have more "A-ha!" moments - than try to push yourself into things before you want to do them and understand why. Most of those traditions are just roadmaps to the territory (definitely useful, but maps all the same), but I digress.

> (Were we friends years ago on MBS?)

I doubt it. MBS isn't ringing any bells...

[dominotw]

Enjoyed reading your comments. I can see applying some of this to my own life, what you said about cherry-picking is spot on .