I live in Europe so I unfortunately cannot recommend ways to find the best dentist in the states. Dentists here choose depending on need first because a lot is covered by insurance anyway. However you should definitely see more than one dentist and ask all of them for a care plan. It's called therapy and cost plan here, there surely is something similar everywhere.By the way, don't be scared. I have no excuse also, and thats very liberating. Distance yourself from the story in the head - for it is root of all suffering in this world. Underneath, everything is and is okay like that.
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