As my psychotherapist put it yesterday: people that seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way are vampires. "You have to become your own bloodsource" she said.
When you seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way, you do things to get approval/validation from others. You'll suck some blood from girls who like you, suck some blood from jobs you apply for that want you, tell friends about all the high-end interviews you have and the cool things you're doing. But after you've gotten what you need from the girls, the jobs, the friends, you realize you never really wanted any of them. And that you wasted your time in the process when you should seek what YOUR OWN PATH is. Self-compassion/kindness is when you become your own sustainable bloodsource of self-esteem and it is critical for your survival and success.
No disrespect intended, but this is so American someone should use it as an academic linguistics example of culture-specific communication!
(eg. psychotherapy, negative third party social group stereotyping, pop culture references, second person framing of self-help advice as casual banter, capitalia, shameless and fundamentally American reformation of compassion in an ego-linked context...)
Or maybe just rephrase the self esteem thing. The innate desire to fit some imaginary view, feeling not good enough until X happens, or Y likes you. <= What is the source of that emotion, that silent fear that make you run after ghosts.
I'm still a bit like that, very often I did things for wrong reasons, validation. My brain was very efficient and very pleasuring when seeking mental complexity, appearing smart; but socially inept to interact emotionnaly with people in sane honest ways.
> Self-compassion/kindness is when you become your own sustainable bloodsource of self-esteem and it is critical for your survival and success.
I think this is the opposite of what the article was saying.
The article says that instead of looking for "self-esteem" from your successes (and avoiding failures), you should stop chasing self-esteem altogether, and instead choose self-compassion.
> it is critical for your survival and success
I think the article is trying to say "It's okay not to succeed, go easy on yourself."
There was an article about procrastination that really stuck with me and it argued something similar: One of the reasons we put off work is because we don't look at our "future selfs" as the same person or even as someone you feel sorry for. Basically, we think "I don't give a damn, let my future self deal with the consequences!". By thinking of your future self compassionately, you can much better motivate your current self to do work you'll depend on being finished at a later date.
This might sound weird but I try this sometimes. "Thanks, past self, for having done this on time, now I can enjoy the weekend because I'm done with this tedious work!" You don't have to literally talk to yourself or anything, but it's IMO a healthy state of mind. It's also the only way I've found to directly tackle the underlying problem of procrastination instead of just telling yourself to "not be lazy, stupid!".
I fundamentally agree with the basic insight of this essay, but I'd like to add that we should strive to be those friends to each other so we don't need to "auto-sympathize" to such a degree. If the people that you value don't value you for how hot your girlfriend is, or how much money you make, then you won't feel the compulsion to build yourself up that way--to such a degree. Of course, the pervading culture still makes it difficult to ignore those sirens.
And of course, social media plays a huge role in this reduction of the complexity of emotional life to more superficial things, to what can fit in a camera lens or a blurb.
The kind of self-esteem that people have, I imagine, must be like malnourished populations that are also obese. They don't have any lack of social interaction quantitatively, but they're still emotionally/spiritually hungry.
We only spend so much time with our friends, while we talk to ourselves all the time, mostly in very unfriendly manner.
This self talk is the basis of Default Mode Network and you can start to notice it after a couple days of total silence.
Great friends are great, obviously, but we also need to internalise them.
Friendship and community work better than both. I was actually in the middle of finding evidence to post, but its so numerous it really isn't necessary. Form good unconditional friendships and your happiness will exceed to new heights.
How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers. One thing I might add is that, at least in my experience, a bad friendship is actually worse than being alone (though one might hesitate to call it a friendship to begin with), so tread carefully.
> Form good unconditional friendships and your happiness will exceed to new heights.
I think human relationships come with conditions. If there is not some reciprocation of affection, support, time, kindness, etc, then what you have is not a positive relationship, usually for either side, though they may not see it. I think we see good relationships as "unconditional" because the reciprocation comes easily and without calculation, but there are still conditions.
I think that good, unconditional friendships and stable communities teach and model self-compassion - seeing others look at us with "that's cool, I've made mistakes too" opens the way for us to say that about our own weaknesses.
> How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers.
So, in the category of "It works for me, YMMV.":
I am active in two hobby related clubs, one is a local ham radio club, the other is a local robotics club. Both consist of a self-selected pack of nerds that share a common interest. The members of both tend to be quirky individuals... I suppose I am, too. Both communities are large enough that I have formed lasting friendships with compatibly quirky individuals from each.
The common interest anchors the relationship, so any peripheral differences can be glossed over or ignored while working together to solve a particular problem together.
Whether it's self compassion, self confidence, self esteem or some combination of them, what needs to be supported is a sense of agency. That sense that if one really needs to make a change or pursue an opportunity, that they have the wherewithal to do so.
Wherewithal might be 'on my own' or with assistance or guidance from others. It might require creativity or just persistence. But without it, we feel helpless, hopeless and ultimately dependent and depressed.
How can people who lack a sense of agency develop it in a healthy way?
My understanding of compassion is that it is more than trating yourself as a best friend -- that is a short-hand if you have diffculty generating loving-kindness for yourself.
Life does not always give you a choice. You are not always in control (though one should still keep their wits about them). A sense of agency can again, augment the false sense of self, no more different than self confidence or self esteem.
Self compassion is different. It is loving-kindness directed to oneseld whether one is doing great or doing bad, on top of the world or hiding in deep shame, heroically rising above or writhing in guilt, having a strong sense of agency or lacking it.
It is much more painful to recieve loving-kindness when you are wounded. Loving-kindness doesn't soothe away pain so much as bring it into greater attention and allow the pain to be felt, accepted, and change can take place. It is only then that there is a transformative effect.
It can be difficult to generate loving-kindness towards oneself if you've lived a lifetime of self-judgement and self-harm. You might have forgotten what it felt like.
The principal at my kid's high school called it "Self Advocacy". Kids need to have the mentality that they are in control of their lives, they are expected to stand up for themselves, and they need to seek help or speak out when they need something or see a problem.
She was pretty harsh on helicopter parenting, and she did a good job setting expectations with parents, teachers and staff that the students really are becoming young adults in high school and they need to be given respect and responsibility.
Her speech was pretty impressive, and I doubt my explanation is doing it justice, but it was the first I'd heard the term and it really struck a chord with me.
Not so sure about it. When you are compassionate you often understand how things had to be the way they happened, that everything was determined - at least to some extent.
When you see the power of cause and effect there's no place for blame, just compassion.
Albert Ellis (founder of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) railed against the concept of self-esteem most of his career. He remarked that you should rate your actions, not yourself as a person. This seems even more significant when you realize how important failure is to mastery:
> Striving, by its nature, often results in setbacks, and setbacks are often what provide the essential information needed to adjust strategies to achieve mastery.
(from the book on learning Make It Stick)
The self serves as a useful model for behavior, but it changes so much based on context. A universal self-esteem makes no sense when you accept the fact that a human being cannot ever exist in isolation (I always exist in relation to my environment).
Heh. My problem is that I am so damaged that when I become friends or find girls that care for me unconditionally, I devalue that relationship because it feels un-earned.
Something that comes un-earned to me has no value.
This extends to my relationship with myself. I'm hard on others so it only makes sense that I'm hard on myself.
This is what happens when your parents get divorced and you're raised by a shitty step mom. Not that my own mother was that great to begin with (cheated on my dad etc.)
What always blows me away is when people who've been watching their minds most of their lives and lived through the most amazing insights we can imagine, witnessing directly how the mind creates the world, how self is an illusion etc. (what neuroscientists can only state from intellectual perspective) tend to say: compassion is the highest form of wisdom.
Kristin Neff, the author of the research in TFA, brought these terms directly from her buddhist experiences AFAIK.
Karuna and Meta (compassion and kindness) are very important mind "algorithms" in the Buddhist framework that apart from social and behavioral effects also have quite significant cognitive function. It allows to see things so much clearer, when you understand how complex and interdependent the reality is and how little control over reality we all are.
It's especially telling when you look at the natural progression of these mind states that one is encouraged to develop: Compassion -> Kindndess -> Symphatetic Joy (appreciating wellbeing of others) -> Equanimity.
Reading this stuff is always eye opening for me. but actually making it a part of your thinking and perspective is a whole other ball of wax. Often, I end up just forgetting entirely as the days pass - not the content, because I can often recite that upon demand. But the actual adoption of it into ones own mindset.
Very often, I've found myself going "oh yeah, i'm trying to do that!". Along with several other things as well. this is largely what drove me to build my project to adopt such changes in perspective (http://willyoudidyou.com).
And in addition to yourself, it's good to show compassion to others. But it's definitely easier to do this for others once you have done it for yourself.
For this, start small. My mindset on this sort of thing changed largely by taking up a sport (I'm a capable athlete, but not stellar). I screwed up a lot. Instead of beating myself up about it, I looked at each "failure" (by some metric, varied by sport) as an opportunity to learn. It's exactly what I'd tell a friend or child in that situation. Pick yourself up, brush off the dirt, examine what went wrong, try again. Ask others for help and feedback, it may be embarrassing at first, but it's better than making a fool of myself every time by doing it wrong or poorly.
Failure is an option, because we aren't perfect. We will fail, and how we carry on afterwards is the part that matters. Developing this attitude in one area will carry over to others. Professionally, I had a terrible habit of thinking (impostor syndrome) that I should know what I was doing, wouldn't ask for help, suffered from analysis paralysis, etc. This personal growth helped me out tremendously there.
If you want to work on this the analog way, one thing that helped me is mantras. It's actually very simple - if you really want to hold on to something then boil it down to 5 words or so, and mentally repeat them until they feel like well-chewed gum. Repeat them every once in a while at completely random moments with no context, you're trying to generate a mental tic.
Eventually the thing you're trying to internalise becomes a mental habit, and starts to pop into your head all on its own at just those moments when you need it most.
> Reading this stuff is always eye opening for me. but actually making it a part of your thinking and perspective is a whole other ball of wax.
I think this is a good description of the effect of LSD.
A lot of the concepts that come up in your mind are things you have probably herd before, but in that moment you feel like you not only have understood their meaning, but also internalized it - attached an emotion to it so to say.
That's why I think it has such potential in psychotherapy: There might be a lot of useful concepts that you might have rationally understood, but actually 'discarded' them on an emotional level.
Looks like a neat project; that might help with forming some better habits for myself.
FYI, the top portion of the homepage is wider than my phone's screen, but I can't scroll sideways to read all of the text. Let me know if you want a screenshot...
I think it's a question of balance, depending on how strong a position you are.
If you are in a position of weakness, feeling sorry for yourself, recovering from something you are judging yourself on - then you absolutely should start with self-compassion, being kind to yourself.
To continue in this mode would ultimately hit your ambition and drive, so if you are in a bit of a stronger position mentally, a higher gear, then boosting your self-esteem is more important.
What if you find that your ambition is rooted in a lack of self-compassion and you don't need achievement as much as you thought you did? You seem to be starting from the position of thinking you know what you really want.
I guess being self compassionate when you are doing great does not bring a big benefit, but neither does it hurt. However as the article mentions, it's hard to have self esteem when you are not doing that great.
As a PhD student I have this imposter syndrome feeling whenever I hit a wall. Being self compassionate and realising that almost every PhD student hits one or more walls during their PhD has helped me to cope with this.
I think one of the points of the article is that you don't need to "boost" self-esteem, which comes on its own. What you are boosting instead are your self-importance and narcissism.
I don't know, at the end of the day what are ambition and drive really doing for you? Maybe you don't need it. You can just be you and get what you need.
It's interesting that both building high self-esteem and negative self talk (2 directions, same dimension) seem to be the basic activity of Default Mode Network - the mode of the brain activated during mindless mind-wandering. Usually people spend most of their lives in this state.
The amazing part is that there's strong positive corelation between the DMN activation level and how miserable we feel.
Judson Brewer has done lot of great research on this. Most meditation techniques go directly against DMN and sometimes result in turning it off for good (look up eg. Gary Weber - https://youtu.be/QeNmydIk8Yo) .
Most boys think of themselves as attractive and this is stable?
Is this statement true for most of you?
I was a fat kid (and fat young adult) and always thought I was unattractive. Even though it may not have affected me as much as it would had I been a girl, it remains prominent in my self image
I find the terminology a little muddy in this article, as I would not characterise the "narcissistic" behaviours described therein, and the expected rewards, as having anything to do with self-esteem. In my book, self-esteem is inherently intrinsic; appreciating the unconditional value that you, those around you, and every living creature on Earth possesses.
This talk given by Irish comedian Blindboy Boatclub (of Rubberbandits fame) describes the concept as simply, succinctly, and beautifully as I have ever heard.
There seem to be various definitions around. Even though a Psychology professor is cited, already at the beginning self-esteem and self-confidence are treated similarly. I really like the following definition of self-esteem: the feeling of (a) being in control of your basic needs and (b) deserving to feel good. This also solves the paradox stated, it just means that you should maintain a certain self-worth.
If your self-worth is too low, you may be used by other people. If it's over the top, you may act arrogant. So yeah...
Well, this article brings a very insightful perspective into view. It's not often you come across content that might profoundly affect your world views!
Also, at the opposite end of the spectrum here is a reference to a show called 'Black Mirror' with an episode which is about the need to constantly be seeking other peoples approval (for self-esteem boosting):
I'm going to assume you read the read the article and know the answer to your question.
To me, your comment reads as a cheeky way of saying that not all people are fluent in overt compassion and that this is fine.
I would agree, as long as there is an underlying implied compassion in these relationships, and that both parties have understanding of this. We are all human at the end of the day, and the need for social support is universal.
Being overconfident is a problem. Being confident isn't. Confidence is the (internal) certainty that you're in the right on something. Overconfidence occurs when you lack the ability to reexamine that position, and leads to ill effects (shattered ego after failure, posturing rather than persuading, inability to correct your course when in error).
When doing any task, you need to be confident that what you're doing is the correct thing to do, even if it's only an experiment and you accept that it may fail. When designing or writing a program, I choose a path, and proceed confidently. When I hit a dead end (a bad design, an unsolvable problem), because I'm not overconfident, I'm able to reexamine my choices and correct. If I lacked sufficient confidence to begin, I'd be stuck at the design stage trying to decide between the twenty different frameworks available, analysis paralysis. Or I'd be second guessing myself at each stage and progress would be remarkably slow.
When going out on the field or into a ring for a sport, you have to be confident in each movement so that the movement is fluid, deliberate. Lack of confidence induces hesitation, and hesitation is more likely to lead to failure (by some metric). Which creates a feedback loop continuing the reduction of confidence and the increase in hesitation, resistance to progress.
[+] [-] octygen|9 years ago|reply
When you seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way, you do things to get approval/validation from others. You'll suck some blood from girls who like you, suck some blood from jobs you apply for that want you, tell friends about all the high-end interviews you have and the cool things you're doing. But after you've gotten what you need from the girls, the jobs, the friends, you realize you never really wanted any of them. And that you wasted your time in the process when you should seek what YOUR OWN PATH is. Self-compassion/kindness is when you become your own sustainable bloodsource of self-esteem and it is critical for your survival and success.
[+] [-] contingencies|9 years ago|reply
(eg. psychotherapy, negative third party social group stereotyping, pop culture references, second person framing of self-help advice as casual banter, capitalia, shameless and fundamentally American reformation of compassion in an ego-linked context...)
[+] [-] hinkley|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] agumonkey|9 years ago|reply
I'm still a bit like that, very often I did things for wrong reasons, validation. My brain was very efficient and very pleasuring when seeking mental complexity, appearing smart; but socially inept to interact emotionnaly with people in sane honest ways.
A fun problem.
[+] [-] Lambdanaut|9 years ago|reply
> The Mountain Goats - Damn These Vampires
> Bright Eyes - Devil Town
[+] [-] erwnerve|9 years ago|reply
I think this is the opposite of what the article was saying. The article says that instead of looking for "self-esteem" from your successes (and avoiding failures), you should stop chasing self-esteem altogether, and instead choose self-compassion.
> it is critical for your survival and success
I think the article is trying to say "It's okay not to succeed, go easy on yourself."
[+] [-] nothis|9 years ago|reply
This might sound weird but I try this sometimes. "Thanks, past self, for having done this on time, now I can enjoy the weekend because I'm done with this tedious work!" You don't have to literally talk to yourself or anything, but it's IMO a healthy state of mind. It's also the only way I've found to directly tackle the underlying problem of procrastination instead of just telling yourself to "not be lazy, stupid!".
[+] [-] samirillian|9 years ago|reply
And of course, social media plays a huge role in this reduction of the complexity of emotional life to more superficial things, to what can fit in a camera lens or a blurb.
The kind of self-esteem that people have, I imagine, must be like malnourished populations that are also obese. They don't have any lack of social interaction quantitatively, but they're still emotionally/spiritually hungry.
[+] [-] aaimnr|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|9 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] _m8fo|9 years ago|reply
How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers. One thing I might add is that, at least in my experience, a bad friendship is actually worse than being alone (though one might hesitate to call it a friendship to begin with), so tread carefully.
[+] [-] stinkytaco|9 years ago|reply
I think human relationships come with conditions. If there is not some reciprocation of affection, support, time, kindness, etc, then what you have is not a positive relationship, usually for either side, though they may not see it. I think we see good relationships as "unconditional" because the reciprocation comes easily and without calculation, but there are still conditions.
[+] [-] sstradling|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dbcurtis|9 years ago|reply
So, in the category of "It works for me, YMMV.":
I am active in two hobby related clubs, one is a local ham radio club, the other is a local robotics club. Both consist of a self-selected pack of nerds that share a common interest. The members of both tend to be quirky individuals... I suppose I am, too. Both communities are large enough that I have formed lasting friendships with compatibly quirky individuals from each.
The common interest anchors the relationship, so any peripheral differences can be glossed over or ignored while working together to solve a particular problem together.
[+] [-] 11thEarlOfMar|9 years ago|reply
Wherewithal might be 'on my own' or with assistance or guidance from others. It might require creativity or just persistence. But without it, we feel helpless, hopeless and ultimately dependent and depressed.
How can people who lack a sense of agency develop it in a healthy way?
[+] [-] hosh|9 years ago|reply
My understanding of compassion is that it is more than trating yourself as a best friend -- that is a short-hand if you have diffculty generating loving-kindness for yourself.
Life does not always give you a choice. You are not always in control (though one should still keep their wits about them). A sense of agency can again, augment the false sense of self, no more different than self confidence or self esteem.
Self compassion is different. It is loving-kindness directed to oneseld whether one is doing great or doing bad, on top of the world or hiding in deep shame, heroically rising above or writhing in guilt, having a strong sense of agency or lacking it.
It is much more painful to recieve loving-kindness when you are wounded. Loving-kindness doesn't soothe away pain so much as bring it into greater attention and allow the pain to be felt, accepted, and change can take place. It is only then that there is a transformative effect.
It can be difficult to generate loving-kindness towards oneself if you've lived a lifetime of self-judgement and self-harm. You might have forgotten what it felt like.
[+] [-] jobu|9 years ago|reply
She was pretty harsh on helicopter parenting, and she did a good job setting expectations with parents, teachers and staff that the students really are becoming young adults in high school and they need to be given respect and responsibility.
Her speech was pretty impressive, and I doubt my explanation is doing it justice, but it was the first I'd heard the term and it really struck a chord with me.
[+] [-] aaimnr|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|9 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] SirensOfTitan|9 years ago|reply
> Striving, by its nature, often results in setbacks, and setbacks are often what provide the essential information needed to adjust strategies to achieve mastery. (from the book on learning Make It Stick)
The self serves as a useful model for behavior, but it changes so much based on context. A universal self-esteem makes no sense when you accept the fact that a human being cannot ever exist in isolation (I always exist in relation to my environment).
[+] [-] temp246810|9 years ago|reply
Something that comes un-earned to me has no value.
This extends to my relationship with myself. I'm hard on others so it only makes sense that I'm hard on myself.
This is what happens when your parents get divorced and you're raised by a shitty step mom. Not that my own mother was that great to begin with (cheated on my dad etc.)
[+] [-] aaimnr|9 years ago|reply
Kristin Neff, the author of the research in TFA, brought these terms directly from her buddhist experiences AFAIK. Karuna and Meta (compassion and kindness) are very important mind "algorithms" in the Buddhist framework that apart from social and behavioral effects also have quite significant cognitive function. It allows to see things so much clearer, when you understand how complex and interdependent the reality is and how little control over reality we all are.
It's especially telling when you look at the natural progression of these mind states that one is encouraged to develop: Compassion -> Kindndess -> Symphatetic Joy (appreciating wellbeing of others) -> Equanimity.
[+] [-] meesterdude|9 years ago|reply
Very often, I've found myself going "oh yeah, i'm trying to do that!". Along with several other things as well. this is largely what drove me to build my project to adopt such changes in perspective (http://willyoudidyou.com).
And in addition to yourself, it's good to show compassion to others. But it's definitely easier to do this for others once you have done it for yourself.
[+] [-] Jtsummers|9 years ago|reply
Failure is an option, because we aren't perfect. We will fail, and how we carry on afterwards is the part that matters. Developing this attitude in one area will carry over to others. Professionally, I had a terrible habit of thinking (impostor syndrome) that I should know what I was doing, wouldn't ask for help, suffered from analysis paralysis, etc. This personal growth helped me out tremendously there.
[+] [-] m_fayer|9 years ago|reply
Eventually the thing you're trying to internalise becomes a mental habit, and starts to pop into your head all on its own at just those moments when you need it most.
[+] [-] pantalaimon|9 years ago|reply
I think this is a good description of the effect of LSD.
A lot of the concepts that come up in your mind are things you have probably herd before, but in that moment you feel like you not only have understood their meaning, but also internalized it - attached an emotion to it so to say.
That's why I think it has such potential in psychotherapy: There might be a lot of useful concepts that you might have rationally understood, but actually 'discarded' them on an emotional level.
[+] [-] jurie|9 years ago|reply
FYI, the top portion of the homepage is wider than my phone's screen, but I can't scroll sideways to read all of the text. Let me know if you want a screenshot...
[+] [-] chrisweekly|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Tonester|9 years ago|reply
If you are in a position of weakness, feeling sorry for yourself, recovering from something you are judging yourself on - then you absolutely should start with self-compassion, being kind to yourself.
To continue in this mode would ultimately hit your ambition and drive, so if you are in a bit of a stronger position mentally, a higher gear, then boosting your self-esteem is more important.
[+] [-] qntty|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] flor1s|9 years ago|reply
As a PhD student I have this imposter syndrome feeling whenever I hit a wall. Being self compassionate and realising that almost every PhD student hits one or more walls during their PhD has helped me to cope with this.
[+] [-] Ensorceled|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] accountyaccount|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] aaimnr|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] gmarx|9 years ago|reply
Is this statement true for most of you?
I was a fat kid (and fat young adult) and always thought I was unattractive. Even though it may not have affected me as much as it would had I been a girl, it remains prominent in my self image
[+] [-] KhanMahGretsch|9 years ago|reply
This talk given by Irish comedian Blindboy Boatclub (of Rubberbandits fame) describes the concept as simply, succinctly, and beautifully as I have ever heard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz82P0WqUh4
[+] [-] unknown|9 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] blablabla123|9 years ago|reply
If your self-worth is too low, you may be used by other people. If it's over the top, you may act arrogant. So yeah...
Self-confidence is more like the
[+] [-] kelvin0|9 years ago|reply
Also, at the opposite end of the spectrum here is a reference to a show called 'Black Mirror' with an episode which is about the need to constantly be seeking other peoples approval (for self-esteem boosting):
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5497778/
I highly recommend watching this, very sobering.
[+] [-] sjg007|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] michaelborromeo|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Tharkun|9 years ago|reply
So swearing at myself, basically? Strange advice.
[+] [-] grasshopperpurp|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dwaltrip|9 years ago|reply
To me, your comment reads as a cheeky way of saying that not all people are fluent in overt compassion and that this is fine.
I would agree, as long as there is an underlying implied compassion in these relationships, and that both parties have understanding of this. We are all human at the end of the day, and the need for social support is universal.
[+] [-] hosh|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|9 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] ouid|9 years ago|reply
This is obviously false, counterexamples are everywhere you look.
[+] [-] Jtsummers|9 years ago|reply
When doing any task, you need to be confident that what you're doing is the correct thing to do, even if it's only an experiment and you accept that it may fail. When designing or writing a program, I choose a path, and proceed confidently. When I hit a dead end (a bad design, an unsolvable problem), because I'm not overconfident, I'm able to reexamine my choices and correct. If I lacked sufficient confidence to begin, I'd be stuck at the design stage trying to decide between the twenty different frameworks available, analysis paralysis. Or I'd be second guessing myself at each stage and progress would be remarkably slow.
When going out on the field or into a ring for a sport, you have to be confident in each movement so that the movement is fluid, deliberate. Lack of confidence induces hesitation, and hesitation is more likely to lead to failure (by some metric). Which creates a feedback loop continuing the reduction of confidence and the increase in hesitation, resistance to progress.
[+] [-] sillysaurus3|9 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|9 years ago|reply
[deleted]