[SFJulie]

I keep a diary: with following info day : arriving : departure : time of lunch // travel time.

Why ?

I noticed after 43h in a moving window of 5 days my focus, irritability is up to the roof and I make way too much mistakes that can lead to a dramatic mistake.

My work contract is 37.5 so everytime I reach too much overhead I talk to my manager ask him if he will need me one day to make extra efforts in case of emergency?

He says yes, I say I will abide but if we are working under normal load, than he needs me to rest and give me my time back.

He then picks on me, saying it is my responsibility to not stay to long at work, I make him notice it is because of the company management I have to stay late and the deadline.

He grumbles says it is not the right time.

I go to see the CEO say the same thing

They give me my family time back. I stay quite rested (add 2h30m / day (when the rail company has exceptionally no problem) of commuting with the worsts train lanes of Europa (1M commuters/days)) so it actually feels like commuting is working. Teleworking is denied for lack of control.

Oh! and lunch time is not counted as worked hours except for the other managers. (so I stay away from my family 10hours per day, I see my wife 5 hours a day).

That is the only diary I am keeping.

If I get overworked/burntout, it costs nothing to the company, but I will certainly get fired sooner or later and have a hard time finding a job with a sort of depression running.

[allover]

Sounds like you've mentally set up an adversarial relationship between yourself and 'them' (managers). This is only going to continue to drain you.

Ideally, look for a job with a smaller commute or better attitude to remote work, and get out now. If you can't do that and need to stay in this job for a while, think about changing your mindset to empathise with your managers, even if you dislike them. Be helpful, think about what they are 'actually trying to achieve', which might not necessarily be what they asked for. Remember this is only a stepping stone til your next, better job.

If you're never going to like working 8-10 hours a day you need to figure out the necessary stepping stones to move into working for yourself.

But whatever you do, don't spend years in a me-vs-them mental battle with management at your current role. I made this mistake and deeply regret the lost years (though I did teach myself JavaScript in that time so now I'm massively employable, fuck that employer, har).

[adaml_623]

I am sorry you are in a stressed situation and I hope that you find a favourable way to change it.

My thought would be that if you can manage a way to increase that 43h by just 10% or 20% then over time and transport delays will not be as worrying.

Can you incorporate stretching exercises or walking into your work environment? Try and keep a diary of the positive things that can help you cope with work.