[rustynails77]

I am the parent of an Asperger. Like many other parents in similar situations, I have dealt with many autistic kids (low and high functioning). I get quite annoyed at the playing of the victim card just because somebody is autistic. It only serves to make things worse for everybody.

When my child behaves unusually, the results from other children are negative. This would happen irrespective if my child was autistic or not. I used these negative opportunities to discuss standing out and blending in.

There are times where it is not possible to blend in (ie. because of highly keen senses causing a crippling effect). However, that can be offset by playing to strengths. My autistic child has gone from strength to strength. When other parents have asked me what I did, I say I never told my child they were a victim and tried to steer them to blend in. While I can't definitely prove that is the only criteria, i've had many other parents comment on how my child's growth has stood out from other autistic children we deal with, despite starting in a similar situation.

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy to separate what's essential (eg. separation from a noisy environment) from what sounds beneficial but wouldn't help (eg. I had to fight hard against using coloured cards instead of plain language to communicate). I am averse to gimmicks that make children stand out. These gimmicks can easily backfire and cause social alienation (i've seen a lot of it, first hand).

One thing that Aspergers often have as an advantage is an obsessive nature. They want to know everything about a particular topic. They study, analyse, and study further. It's amazing to watch. I can imagine that this obsession can lead to some amazing breakthroughs. On this basis, I would say that it is possible that Aspergers can achieve exceptional results that others are less likely to achieve. This theory of mine aligns with others [0]. I actually found this link after watching the movie about Srinivasa Ramanujan, the genius Indian mathematician who struck me as having asperger-like characteristics.

I am not fond of victim mentality articles. I'm not fond of turning people into victims. If you are a parent of an autistic child, please do your best to help them understand how they are different without creating a victim. Help them steer toward socially acceptable behaviour and to recognise their strengths. Everybody is different. Even the atypicals.

Disclaimer: I'm married to an Asperger who became an engineer on her own steam. Despite being an engineer (a no bullshit engineer with no sense of entitlement or victim mentality), she's not had an issue with discrimination in her decades long career. How do some people make it through with no issues? That's an excellent question.

[0] https://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v428/n6982/full/428470...