1. Theres zero information on that page. You never even hint at what is deficient in normal dog food, or what is the benefit of your proposed food, or even what it is.
Instead there is a profusion of upbeat yet wholly insubstantial buzzwords and phrases.
2. A very large proportion of the text is in bold for emphasis, giving it that humorous 'crazy person' look.
3. The very concept seems like a parody of the ridiculous 'Juicero'-like silicon valley startup. A proposal that could only be taken seriously in that bizarre, rarefied, and plutocratic environment.
Honestly it ticks all the boxes for a parody. It wouldnt seem out of place on 'clickhole' or 'something awful'
ps. I'm not trying to shit on your idea at all. I genuinely thought it was a parody and the above points explain how I got that impression.
You should have seen it when I first created the campaign. I wasn't going for a parody look but I am trying to go for a more "less-serious and goofy" approach. I do realize that I'm using too much bold emphasis. I'm not fully sure why.
On a more serious note, your advice is definitely useful to me. I am going to try to brush up on the delivery and make it look less like a parody.
This is also the first time I'm hearing of Juicero. Definitely rough happenings.
everyone|8 years ago
1. Theres zero information on that page. You never even hint at what is deficient in normal dog food, or what is the benefit of your proposed food, or even what it is. Instead there is a profusion of upbeat yet wholly insubstantial buzzwords and phrases.
2. A very large proportion of the text is in bold for emphasis, giving it that humorous 'crazy person' look.
3. The very concept seems like a parody of the ridiculous 'Juicero'-like silicon valley startup. A proposal that could only be taken seriously in that bizarre, rarefied, and plutocratic environment.
Honestly it ticks all the boxes for a parody. It wouldnt seem out of place on 'clickhole' or 'something awful'
ps. I'm not trying to shit on your idea at all. I genuinely thought it was a parody and the above points explain how I got that impression.
tonyrice|8 years ago
On a more serious note, your advice is definitely useful to me. I am going to try to brush up on the delivery and make it look less like a parody.
This is also the first time I'm hearing of Juicero. Definitely rough happenings.