Both of our kids are very verbal, they were speaking very clear sentences when a lot of their peers where barely intelligible for example. We are constantly amazed at their vocabulary and clever turns of phrase they come up with on their own.
My personal goal has been to make sure they feel like they have a voice and get to be heard. They have agency in their lives; choices and consequnces. We've always talked to them like people and encouraged them to use their words. When they were little I'd repeat back what they said and respond as clearly as I could, asking for clarification or whatever. They've been read over a thousand books by the age of 5.
I don't know how much of that is nature or nurture, but we definitely make time for them, and have the means to do so.
This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; is very tiring over time.
We've always been reading to him, and he enjoys words - and learning new vocabulary. I'm quite particular about grammar also, and he's always open to being learning this, being corrected, and he'll even correct his own after a few times. It's amazing to hear him "work" Google Home, modulating his questions until he gets what he wants.
So he's obviously got a very sharp brain, but from a parent's point of view it can take a lot of effort to stay engaged at that "11th hour" point - specially when tired and dealing with non-compliance.
Would appreciate if anyone has pointers here, if this resonates. We need to teach him that communication isn't just Transmit, but Transmit/ Receive (Tx/Rx).
It is hard and non intuitive to talk to newborns, but our hospital material suggested us this. We started talking from day one. And our kid is cooing significantly more and has advanced fine motor skills, according to the pediatrician. We have enrolled in a local library course to do the 1000 books before 5 program. It is very important to give time to kids, and it can be done relatively inexpensively through local government initiatives.
Do people really read ~300 different books a year?
We've been going through the same 10 books for more than a year now with my currently 3.2 year old: Karlsson on the Roof, Beechwood Bunny Tales, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear and a few more. I guess these contain multiple stories which can be counted as separate "books", but they are nevertheless enjoyed every evening. Even though we've probably read every story at least 10 times already.
This is one reason why too much phone time can be detrimental to child development. Modern kids are losing out on verbal skills because they are able to "hide" in their phones and avoid talking to adults. It is sad when parents fail to say to their kids, "hey, an adult is speaking to you, pay attention and answer them."
What makes you think that without phone kids would do talking instead of gazzilion of other activities?
Also I am sure having access to iPad helped my daughter to learn way more than I thought she could at that age (e. g. English names for colors; count in English and the alphabet song — before she even was three). Just to clarify — we do not speak English at home.
I had no phone or computer. Most of my time was spent in books. (Not bad for the vocabulary, I guess).
No. Though seemingly grim, this is actually a good use for technology for people who don't talk too much.
I don't speak much. Unless I'm in a group where conversation is free-flowing among all parties, then I'm not saying much. I will ask a direct question to a coworker. I have no issue with talking about something specific. However I can't contribute much to small talk unless someone else is driving the bus. In turn, that makes me a great listener. This is where the electronic reminder would come in handy for me.
I've played with nieces, nephews, cousins once removed, and when I was younger, I had a volunteer position with the Boys and Girls Club. I have no problem listening and participating in activities. But newborns and infants need you to speak to them even though they may not speak back. An infant cannot (for all intents and purposes) drive conversation with an adult, so my natural inclination is to make faces, imitate sounds if they're making any, and play.
I've seen it while out shopping. Mothers and fathers flying solo with their infants in the cart are getting groceries as usual. However, they're narrating their actions to the child so that the child may get a better grasp on the language. Something like this would have never occurred to me.
This isn't a dystopian future where we need robots to remind us to breathe. It's leveraging technology to help every live the best life that they can.
>The important thing is not just to talk to your child, but to talk with your child
Taking this to the next level, it's not about about talking per se but having meaningful communication. This entails noting interesting things, fun things and helping the child get what they want, helping the parent get what they want, deciding what to want next, etc. The ability to talk co-evolves with the content i.e. with the reasons to talk.
My brother bought up his kids beautifully, and when I asked him what the secret was, he simply said 'talk to them like people' which worked for us too.
My kids do tend to ask me things me now and prefix it with 'not one of your long answers, though dad'.
This is true for adults as well. I have great retention from speaking Japanese with taxi drivers, but the 900 words in my quiz program evaporated quickly. You need to really use it.
Indeed, and the conversation (allowing the child to experiment and reinforce its use of language) extends to reading as well: I remember we never "read" to our child, but always had an engagement '"Pippi jumped onto the roof", hey, do you believe she really could do that?'
We took one of the Hanen Centre parent education courses (“It takes two to talk”). I can’t recommend it highly enough - best training I’ve ever received:
It may not be availability so much as conversational style.
Anecdotal (I would most likely qualify as high-income for the purposes of that study): Most of the time when I am with my now-18-month-old daughter, I give her a lot of authority. If she can say where she wants to go or what she wants to do or what she wants me to do, then in general that's what happens. I have to imagine that creates a great incentive to learn to express your thoughts.
File under wisdom lost. I don't know if this asinine study and obvious result should give me hope or dismay. Did people really need a study to tell them that interacting with children is better for them? Countdown 7 years until the public sector of schooling adopts this into state-approved pedagogy.
[+] [-] le-mark|7 years ago|reply
My personal goal has been to make sure they feel like they have a voice and get to be heard. They have agency in their lives; choices and consequnces. We've always talked to them like people and encouraged them to use their words. When they were little I'd repeat back what they said and respond as clearly as I could, asking for clarification or whatever. They've been read over a thousand books by the age of 5.
I don't know how much of that is nature or nurture, but we definitely make time for them, and have the means to do so.
[+] [-] sundvor|7 years ago|reply
This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; is very tiring over time.
We've always been reading to him, and he enjoys words - and learning new vocabulary. I'm quite particular about grammar also, and he's always open to being learning this, being corrected, and he'll even correct his own after a few times. It's amazing to hear him "work" Google Home, modulating his questions until he gets what he wants.
So he's obviously got a very sharp brain, but from a parent's point of view it can take a lot of effort to stay engaged at that "11th hour" point - specially when tired and dealing with non-compliance.
Would appreciate if anyone has pointers here, if this resonates. We need to teach him that communication isn't just Transmit, but Transmit/ Receive (Tx/Rx).
[+] [-] iamshs|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mapleoin|7 years ago|reply
I'd really like to hear more about that. Did you mean that literally? How would you even acquire that many books?
[+] [-] dm3|7 years ago|reply
We've been going through the same 10 books for more than a year now with my currently 3.2 year old: Karlsson on the Roof, Beechwood Bunny Tales, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear and a few more. I guess these contain multiple stories which can be counted as separate "books", but they are nevertheless enjoyed every evening. Even though we've probably read every story at least 10 times already.
[+] [-] jcoffland|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] rimliu|7 years ago|reply
I had no phone or computer. Most of my time was spent in books. (Not bad for the vocabulary, I guess).
[+] [-] dangerface|7 years ago|reply
This is a very one sided attitude and conversation, why would any one want to talk to some one with this attitude?
As an adult I can call out this poor attitude, but a child cant, thats why they are hiding in their phone.
[+] [-] tudorw|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] noxToken|7 years ago|reply
I don't speak much. Unless I'm in a group where conversation is free-flowing among all parties, then I'm not saying much. I will ask a direct question to a coworker. I have no issue with talking about something specific. However I can't contribute much to small talk unless someone else is driving the bus. In turn, that makes me a great listener. This is where the electronic reminder would come in handy for me.
I've played with nieces, nephews, cousins once removed, and when I was younger, I had a volunteer position with the Boys and Girls Club. I have no problem listening and participating in activities. But newborns and infants need you to speak to them even though they may not speak back. An infant cannot (for all intents and purposes) drive conversation with an adult, so my natural inclination is to make faces, imitate sounds if they're making any, and play.
I've seen it while out shopping. Mothers and fathers flying solo with their infants in the cart are getting groceries as usual. However, they're narrating their actions to the child so that the child may get a better grasp on the language. Something like this would have never occurred to me.
This isn't a dystopian future where we need robots to remind us to breathe. It's leveraging technology to help every live the best life that they can.
[+] [-] jacobush|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] cinspicuous|7 years ago|reply
Taking this to the next level, it's not about about talking per se but having meaningful communication. This entails noting interesting things, fun things and helping the child get what they want, helping the parent get what they want, deciding what to want next, etc. The ability to talk co-evolves with the content i.e. with the reasons to talk.
[+] [-] Angostura|7 years ago|reply
My kids do tend to ask me things me now and prefix it with 'not one of your long answers, though dad'.
[+] [-] paulsutter|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ourmandave|7 years ago|reply
He explained how they teach you a language with 5 hours of class every day with 3 students per teacher.
Then take you to the local town or village to interact with little or no help. Like, sink or swim.
[+] [-] EGreg|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|7 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] gumby|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] maxent|7 years ago|reply
http://www.hanen.org/Helpful-Info/Articles/power-turn-taking...
We took one of the Hanen Centre parent education courses (“It takes two to talk”). I can’t recommend it highly enough - best training I’ve ever received:
http://www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/It-Takes-Two-to-Ta...
[+] [-] allcentury|7 years ago|reply
That said, are high income earners more available for conversation? Seems like a good question for economic researchers within child development.
[+] [-] mac01021|7 years ago|reply
Anecdotal (I would most likely qualify as high-income for the purposes of that study): Most of the time when I am with my now-18-month-old daughter, I give her a lot of authority. If she can say where she wants to go or what she wants to do or what she wants me to do, then in general that's what happens. I have to imagine that creates a great incentive to learn to express your thoughts.
[+] [-] gnicholas|7 years ago|reply
Knowing this helps parents with limited time to know that it's better to focus on back-and-forth than to just read more books all the time.
[+] [-] renox|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] angel_j|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|7 years ago|reply
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