That start-class wiki article explains a lot of Korean dramas right there.
Joking aside, today I learned what a "culture-bound syndrome" is. That right there is quite substantial evidence that culture is a very real thing, and just because it might be socially constructed doesn't make it any less real (in fact, it might make it more real because it is so widely experienced).
Touching article I can relate to. I lost my mother to leukemia two and a half years ago and I still am reminded of her everyday. This kind of grief is one that will never leave me. Every memory of her has the potential to bring tears to my eyes, but there are memories that give me a smile and there are many that inspire me to be better person.
My son just turned one year old a month ago. He is going through his cutest phase yet. He wants to play, walk, talk and say hi to everyone. I think often of what she would say to him, what she would cook for him, or the advice she would give me on raising him. So many things to wonder but then I see my son smile. He has my mom's smile and he loves to smile and laugh.
Life can be funny like that. Besides the teachings and memories I have of my mom, I am lucky enough to be also reminded of her smile every day through my son.
This article makes a very salient and poignant reminder of the struggle for immigrants (especially second-generation and beyond) to retain and remember one's cultural heritage. I am Cantonese by ancestry but I grew up in Canada; I recently moved to Outer Sunset, a neighborhood vibrant with businesses and products that remind me of home, and it's surprisingly helpful for staving off the gradual dwindling of my knowledge of my parental/ancestral culture and language.
Also, I just noticed that this article is by Michelle Zauner, also known as Japanese Breakfast [1]. She's one of my favorite musicians. A lot of the grief expressed in this article is also the central theme of her first album, Psychopomp.
Mixed tradition households do spawn so very odd, and hard to understand[1] angers when caught in one world or excluded from another. Some of them will even seem silly to friend and colleagues.
The grief she is experiencing is also shared by many of the Native Americans that were relocated off the reservation. The similarities are pretty amazing. Loss of familiar touch points are really hard for that pattern matching machine between our ears to reconcile. It is no wonder that the suicide rate in these situations is so high. A lot of people like to think they are free spirits and really don't need a grounding, but I've met very few who actually are. This is why historical preservation is so important to certain groups. Its not really about the past as much as it is patching holes in those still here.
1) although the writing in this article is excellent and captures the feelings well
I feel very sorry for her loss. This article and the NYT one by the Chinese daughter posted a few days back are really hitting me hard. As someone not really raised in the culture of my parents, it saddens me to think that I probably won't give my kids the same "immigrant parent obsessiveness" experience I had growing up (pros and cons of course, but a part of my upbringing I wouldn't change for anything)
I'm lucky enough to still have both my parents - but this has turned out to be one of my favourite articles - coming from a generation so different to my parents (and as a third culture kid to boot, albeit in a crap culture) it resonates very much.
We used to frequent the H Mart near us. It always has a great variety of vegetables at good prices, but for some reason they tend to go bad within a couple of days of purchase. Also, the produce is really only stocked on Saturday and Sunday. The produce mostly seems to be from "Rhee Brothers," which sounds like another Korean business. We now get our vegetables from the new Sprouts.
Their seafood selection is pretty good, though.
It's great to see the mostly Latino produce workers speaking some Korean to the management.
We go to H Mart mainly for their vegetables too, especially leafy green veggies (so many different kinds of choy!). I think leafy greens tend to go bad faster in general, and that's not any indication of H Mart's quality.
Their seafood is so cheap they are the entire reason why I get to eat salmon at all ($3 per pound!).
I visit the Burlington, Mass H Mart about once per month with my family. The experience walking the aisles and picking out dried seaweed, dried rice, frozen dumplings, kimchi, instant ramen, and various snacks is part of our kids' bicultural experience. I didn't think about how it may be an important part of their memories of their parents once we are gone.
You're welcome. It was previously submitted by @starpilot and @laurex a few days prior, and it did not receive the attention that it deserved. Third time was the charm.
H Mart is a gift given by heavenly messengers to bring the concept of flavor to the Upper West Side. There are so many people there who would love to help you, OP. In NYC, everybody's ersatz and everybody's frum. In NYC you are absolutely Korean. It's the city where you can be anything and you can tell anyone who says no, to get the fuck out.
I'm married to a first generation Korean immigrant, and the experiences and descriptions here really resonate strongly as deeply authentic. There's a really special relationship Koreans seem to have with food and the way that Korean parents show love through food seems to be something subtly different than what I've found in other parts of the world. I'm not really sure what else to say but this was awesome. Her band's music is also fantastic [1].
This was an interesting piece to read as a third generation immigrant who has only the most casual awareness of the culture (Albanian) and a few stories. I’ve occasionally wondered what it would have been like to know more but never really appreciated the downsides.
On a more pleasant note, her music is quite good if you like the style. Search for Japanese Breakfast on the usual streaming services.
My sympathies to the author. Clearly the article comes from a place of grief.
That said, if she wanted to get closer to her culture it shouldn't be that difficult. What about her grandparents? Does she have any Korean friends? What if she dated/married a Korean guy?
Second and third generation immigrants have an interesting relationship with that side of their culture. They predominantly identify as the nationality of the culture they were born into, and sometimes have no direct link to the country their parents or grandparents were born in. I'm very British, but am quite proud of the polish components of my name. My link to the country is tenuous though, beyond the yearly wigila. I was talking to a first generation immigrant recently, who described the piroshki that are traditionally eaten, and I realised my family had been doing it wrong all along. My grandmother is very much alive, yet our tradition had already been warped. That made me a little sad for how far away my heritage really was.
This article isn't about concrete actions or remediations for that feeling. I'm not going to marry a polish person to make sure my piroshki are perfect. It's about the way later generation immigrants naturally drift away from their heritage without noticing, and how that can be upsetting. I didn't notice it happening to me for a long time, and when I did, I didn't feel great.
Korean supermarkets, like H Mart & Lotte, all give me tears of joy. For many people of Asian heritage, these supermarkets offer rare but familiar tastes in the United States. This story reminds me that the meaning of it may be different for Koreans themselves.
Nostalgia hurt... It's called grief. Grieve for things we can not change, can not fix. Calling it 'just a feeling of alienation'...
This deeply oversimplifies the complexities of life, the deepest tragedies, emotional pain. To lose something so beautiful, and to know it is gone, forever. That is grief that lasts a lifetime. It is a burden oneself must make appear to lighten over time, but, some types of sadness go into one's own core, every fiber and every root of one's own being.
A broken spirit, heart, soul. Through a reminder in the present, the slightest twinge of it trickles through, in the form of a memory, a connection leading to every interwoven emotion. It can be a kind of sadness that feels as though it never mends.
This is not the sort of thing to cover up with pleasantries for the benefit of others. The memory of being completely and totally disconnected from a most defining connections in one's own life - that is a type of suffering everyone can experience, and a kind of suffering everyone should have a deep respect for. It's not just nostalgia, because nostalgia comes back in waves, the attempt to bring back what is lost. Sometimes this works. But the death of a loving, shaping parent, or loss of connection to one's essential culture - that is something that, nothing fills that void entirely. There has to be respect for this. Everyone should have respect for this type of loss.
Losing someone you love to the finality of death is the most intense experience I have ever had.
I related to many parts of this; losing touch with things or ideas you connected with your person can feel like a new grief yet.
In a larger sense, one’s place and perspective in the world or the universe has been permanently displaced, and one is left trying to make sense of an absurd existence littered with traces of the one you love.
It's striking how difficult it is for the children of transplants in the US to preserve (and pass along) the family language and traditions. There're communtities, there's a diaspora, books etc, yet somehow the whole aversion to 'accented' English may be off-putting to the youngsters that it stops them from fully absorbing their parents culture and language, turning it in all but a nuissance of 'old-folks'.
[+] [-] smoll|7 years ago|reply
Sorry for the author's loss, but crying alone in an H Mart out of bitter anguish and deep longing is probably the most Korean thing ever.
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_(cultural)
[+] [-] throwaway99111|7 years ago|reply
Joking aside, today I learned what a "culture-bound syndrome" is. That right there is quite substantial evidence that culture is a very real thing, and just because it might be socially constructed doesn't make it any less real (in fact, it might make it more real because it is so widely experienced).
[+] [-] grosales|7 years ago|reply
My son just turned one year old a month ago. He is going through his cutest phase yet. He wants to play, walk, talk and say hi to everyone. I think often of what she would say to him, what she would cook for him, or the advice she would give me on raising him. So many things to wonder but then I see my son smile. He has my mom's smile and he loves to smile and laugh.
Life can be funny like that. Besides the teachings and memories I have of my mom, I am lucky enough to be also reminded of her smile every day through my son.
[+] [-] sizzle|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] elvinyung|7 years ago|reply
Also, I just noticed that this article is by Michelle Zauner, also known as Japanese Breakfast [1]. She's one of my favorite musicians. A lot of the grief expressed in this article is also the central theme of her first album, Psychopomp.
[1] https://michellezauner.bandcamp.com/
[+] [-] teekno|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] protomyth|7 years ago|reply
The grief she is experiencing is also shared by many of the Native Americans that were relocated off the reservation. The similarities are pretty amazing. Loss of familiar touch points are really hard for that pattern matching machine between our ears to reconcile. It is no wonder that the suicide rate in these situations is so high. A lot of people like to think they are free spirits and really don't need a grounding, but I've met very few who actually are. This is why historical preservation is so important to certain groups. Its not really about the past as much as it is patching holes in those still here.
1) although the writing in this article is excellent and captures the feelings well
[+] [-] johntiger1|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] avh02|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] supahfly_remix|7 years ago|reply
Their seafood selection is pretty good, though.
It's great to see the mostly Latino produce workers speaking some Korean to the management.
[+] [-] noobhacker|7 years ago|reply
Their seafood is so cheap they are the entire reason why I get to eat salmon at all ($3 per pound!).
[+] [-] ilamont|7 years ago|reply
I visit the Burlington, Mass H Mart about once per month with my family. The experience walking the aisles and picking out dried seaweed, dried rice, frozen dumplings, kimchi, instant ramen, and various snacks is part of our kids' bicultural experience. I didn't think about how it may be an important part of their memories of their parents once we are gone.
Thank you for sharing, @wallflower.
[+] [-] wallflower|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ABCLAW|7 years ago|reply
Thank you for this post.
[+] [-] slr555|7 years ago|reply
H Mart is a gift given by heavenly messengers to bring the concept of flavor to the Upper West Side. There are so many people there who would love to help you, OP. In NYC, everybody's ersatz and everybody's frum. In NYC you are absolutely Korean. It's the city where you can be anything and you can tell anyone who says no, to get the fuck out.
[+] [-] bane|7 years ago|reply
1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFKH42R8wak
[+] [-] acdha|7 years ago|reply
On a more pleasant note, her music is quite good if you like the style. Search for Japanese Breakfast on the usual streaming services.
[+] [-] fatjokes|7 years ago|reply
That said, if she wanted to get closer to her culture it shouldn't be that difficult. What about her grandparents? Does she have any Korean friends? What if she dated/married a Korean guy?
[+] [-] lclarkmichalek|7 years ago|reply
This article isn't about concrete actions or remediations for that feeling. I'm not going to marry a polish person to make sure my piroshki are perfect. It's about the way later generation immigrants naturally drift away from their heritage without noticing, and how that can be upsetting. I didn't notice it happening to me for a long time, and when I did, I didn't feel great.
[+] [-] unknown|7 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] equalunique|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] patriot_prayer|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] voltagex_|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] GBond|7 years ago|reply
[+] [-] yonatron|7 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] yonatron|7 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] 1996|7 years ago|reply
It is just a feeling of alienation.
TLDR: nostalgia hurt when thinking about a dead parent, or a culture we can no longer fully relate to.
[+] [-] s-shellfish|7 years ago|reply
This deeply oversimplifies the complexities of life, the deepest tragedies, emotional pain. To lose something so beautiful, and to know it is gone, forever. That is grief that lasts a lifetime. It is a burden oneself must make appear to lighten over time, but, some types of sadness go into one's own core, every fiber and every root of one's own being.
A broken spirit, heart, soul. Through a reminder in the present, the slightest twinge of it trickles through, in the form of a memory, a connection leading to every interwoven emotion. It can be a kind of sadness that feels as though it never mends.
This is not the sort of thing to cover up with pleasantries for the benefit of others. The memory of being completely and totally disconnected from a most defining connections in one's own life - that is a type of suffering everyone can experience, and a kind of suffering everyone should have a deep respect for. It's not just nostalgia, because nostalgia comes back in waves, the attempt to bring back what is lost. Sometimes this works. But the death of a loving, shaping parent, or loss of connection to one's essential culture - that is something that, nothing fills that void entirely. There has to be respect for this. Everyone should have respect for this type of loss.
[+] [-] stochastic_monk|7 years ago|reply
I related to many parts of this; losing touch with things or ideas you connected with your person can feel like a new grief yet.
In a larger sense, one’s place and perspective in the world or the universe has been permanently displaced, and one is left trying to make sense of an absurd existence littered with traces of the one you love.
[+] [-] unknown|7 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] zoomablemind|7 years ago|reply
It's striking how difficult it is for the children of transplants in the US to preserve (and pass along) the family language and traditions. There're communtities, there's a diaspora, books etc, yet somehow the whole aversion to 'accented' English may be off-putting to the youngsters that it stops them from fully absorbing their parents culture and language, turning it in all but a nuissance of 'old-folks'.