[Senderman]

This comment might sound like I'm being difficult, but I'm genuinely asking.

You imply a downside for Bob in his avoidance of shared-vulnerability-relationship, you didn't explicitly state it - you said it hurts others who have expectations over him. Maybe the details of their marriage, which are none of my business, are where the answer is - but my question is: what is the downside for him?

[jamesissac]

Maybe the downside is that Bob will observe that others express displeasure at his behavior, having let down their expectations(maybe unreasonable) of him. Now Bob isn't callous by nature so this will weigh upon his conscience.

[majos]

Bob still loves Alice, so something that hurts Alice hurts Bob.