[manuka]

Well, selfhating thoughts are TRICKY... Trust me, I'm pro on the subject. :) The tricky part is: you can never be sure that you are objective about yourself. 90% of the time this bad thinking is linked to hormons.

The thing with hormos is this: WHen chemistry kicks in, you start to paint EVERYTHING in black colors, your mind just switches circuits and you can not reason with it (some of the pathways are just off). So immediate advice to you: well... no metter what I say, your brain will process it depending on what type of hormon reaction is dominant in your body :) So, most of the time logical advice will not help.

I envy your 19years old... I got to know logarithms in my 30... and started to code at the same time... Danm I wish I started earlier... I would have be Einstein or he would have been second Me. :))

Remember one thing: you can NEVER be sure that your ranking of yourself is objective. It might be genetically programmed into you to struggle in that particula age...

Remember Darwin: no metter what keep existing that's how you win in the long run.

Practical advice: Start from the beginning. Find a math book for school and start again. Page after page. If stuck, find another book of the same category... and so on.. I used to read about 40 (no joke) books on linear algebra before my first undersanding kicked in. (mind you 90% of those were abandoned in their first 1/5 text, cause I just stopped understanding the material (it got too complex). Of those 40 books only once I was able to finish a book with complete understanding. (it was the last of the bunch :)

[Saderen]

>. I would have be Einstein or he would have been second Me. :))

This made me laugh :D

>Practical advice: Start from the beginning. Find a math book for school and start again. Page after page. If stuck, find another book of the same category... and so on.. I used to read about 40 (no joke) books on linear algebra before my first undersanding kicked in. (mind you 90% of those were abandoned in their first 1/5 text, cause I just stopped understanding the material (it got too complex). Of those 40 books only once I was able to finish a book with complete understanding. (it was the last of the bunch :)

Oh, wow, that's a hell of a lot of books. I'll look into it for sure. After reading or quasi-reading all of those books, did they change the way you thought?

Thanks for replying :)

[manuka]

Of course they have changed me. In what ways? 1. I know that I can learn anything. BUTTTT I never rush. If you have a deadline, it will ruin everything. No rush, no deadline. I learn because I LOVE it. I'm high when I start to undestand complex subject, I wasn't able even to be able to think about. Like entropy, "pull backs", probabilities ect.

No time limits, no deadlines for learning.

2) If you have a goal to reach some point of undestanding... that's not good either. Goals MUST NOT define you. What must define you - activities you like to do. If you set goals you'll never reach them (that's life) and you'll feel miserable. But if you just like doing things, how can it ruin you? No metter what goals you would achieve you still had a great time doing the thing (achieving)... thus you'll die of old age having spend your life doing fun things. No goals reached? Who cares? Fuck'em!

[manuka]

THere is one more thing i've learned. I got to have an ability to spot the exact time I loose the sence of the subjet. It's like: you read, read, undestande that and this, but then new chapter and you lose the meaning of the subject (some times it's authors falt, he just skipped something trivial, but you are dumb and don't know "trivial things" like "entropy maximisation principle" :)

WHen you feel you're losing it, stop, rewind, read again from the beginning. (THAT is vital!) Everty book starts at page 1, read every book from this page, never skip even if you know what's there (it's repetition what is important and small things you might miss if you skip, what's important).

Repetition of the same thing over and over in different words in diferent font, book, ask internet in the middle of it about some tricky parts...

[manuka]

mm, sorry for the delay. 1)40 books on Linear algebra? You know why? Books on math aren't meant to be read as some literature. THey are hard, and the more abstract, the more value they have, but the harder to read they become. You just need an author which will find a key into your ignorance. They all say same thing (linear algebra), but in different words, that's a key: different wording. You just need to find "your wording".

[manuka]

another thing I started to understang is that, in school children DON"T know what they are doing. They know the patterns in equations but, hell no, they don't undestand why and what's it all about. The success of human math is based in the ability of the founding fathers to invent mathematica writing notation which can be taught to school studends without explaining them why and how it works.

Riemann integral? I bet NO ONE understand what it is in reality on this planet. Evene those who got A+ on the subject in school. They were able to pass their exams because they are good at PATTERN recognition (learining rules to mindlessly shift things around in the equation).

I hate mindless math magic. I just stop and throw the book out. I need REASON why Integral was invented in the first place, how it's different from all other integrals, i leave the calculation to PC. I hate caltulation! I need reasons. I hate learning patterns! I need mindful math manipulation where I understand each bit, every operation. You are old enough to follow this path, leave pattern juggling for A+ students. Stay with us: dubm fucks who can't understand why we can divide one equation by another! ANd that does it mean to "divide equation by another".

That is hard path, but it's fun once you leave your ego in the trash. Ego is the killer. From now on tell every one of you stupidity (I always do), this throws the load off your shoulders and you can ask any stupid question whithout the fear of being discovered as a stupid fuck. :)