[comesee]

This is a bad explanation. No one is saying that context doesn't matter. The entire argument for using the n word is precisely that context matters. If you use the word referentially, or otherwise not in a malicious way, it's not reasonable to be regarded as a racist.

This is the difference between a strange woman calling you honey in a compassionate personal way, and someone saying "does your wife call you 'honey'?" Or sarcastically "you're a real honey, aren't you?"