[gyardley]

You're feeling what you're feeling because you're trying to treat your mental health issues yourself, and your mental health issues are interfering with your attempt at treatment.

Instead of trying to self-treat, you really should go see a mental health professional; that's what they're there for. Your work very likely will cover it; if not, well, this is why you have savings. Once a professional has helped you deal with your unhealthy attitudes towards work and what could very possibly be depression, then you can determine the best way to move forward with your life.