[silvat]

You're characterization of these people simply as deadbeats trying to avoid responsibility is both extremely insensitive and simple minded. How deep a person can gets caught up in addiction is usually a reflection of their emotional health. They're not trying to escape responsibility, they're trying to escape being alive.

[lawnchair_larry]

We’re saying the same thing. I am not concerned with being sensitive, sorry. Facts don’t care about feelings. I think this mentality that we can’t speak the truth out of fear that we’ll hurt their feelings, and encouraging a victim mentality only makes things worse.

Recognizing that you are a deadbeat, and deciding that you don’t want to be is the only way to even begin recovery. I’ve seen this up close. Anyone who has any experience helping addicts will tell you the same thing. That’s why forced treatment doesn’t work and will never work.

Trust me, you’ll look at this differently after you have pulled family members out of crack houses that you thought only existed like that in the movies, had them steal your motorcycle and sell it for drugs, had them give your address to their crackhead friends where your wife and kids sleep, etc. Some of us are way past worrying about hurt feelings.

And this isn’t something that happens with weed users at all, which is why I don’t think people really understand what it means to be a drug addict when they mention weed. There is just no comparison.

[dijksterhuis]

I agree with what you’re saying, factually. I completely disagree with the way you’re saying it unfortunately.

The important point to remember is that addicts already punish themselves waaaaaaaaay more than anyone in the real world ever could.

Like, in my own experience, it’s like having a spade in my head that constantly smashes me in my face me every few minutes. It’s absolutely punishing.

I genuinely thought I was one of the worst human beings alive.

Referring to them as deadbeats is not the right way to go because it:

a) reinforces those punishing beliefs even more

b) reinforces the isolation and separation, which is a key element in the problem

c) provides an excuse to keep going through stereotypes and stigma (“once an addict, always an addict” etc.)

d) addicts, by our very nature, fight. Pushing an addict is like poking an angry snake. It doesn’t help anyone. Playing the snake calming music does though (ie being nice).

Edit:

One of the reasons I’m still clean is because of the guilt and shame I felt about how badly I treated people. People who were genuinely very nice to me. It takes time to see it, but it’s very important to be kind and to not judge. It’s tough, especially when an addict hurts someone so much and so often.

Of course what you’ve been through sounds like hell. And Addiction doesn’t just affect the individual. It affects everyone around them, unfortunately.

[dijksterhuis]

I really wanted wanted to reply to the parent comment too, but you’ve done a better job than I ever could. Thank you.