More important though are the seasonal words. A lot of non-Japanese haiku misses this and for me it misses the point of the haiku entirely. You goal is not to construct a meaningful sentence with a certain number of syllables (or mora in Japanese), but to construct a sense of place and occasion in that structure. It has been said (though I don't know by whom) that to be Japanese is to be intimately aware of the weather. Historically Japanese people lived in insubstantial houses that were very open to the elements. Even now, many older people don't use heat in the winter or air condition in the summer. There are types of flowers that mark each passing season as well. If you make reference to these seasonal things, then it brings the reader into your space.
Basho's famous poem of a frog is a good example (this is my attempt at a 5-7-5 translation):
Into an old pond
a frog jumps in suddenly.
The sound of water.
I added "suddenly" to make up the the 7 in the second line, which I think is in keeping with the story that Basho never actually saw the frog. It was that the world's silence was broken by the sound of the water from the jumping of the frog.
But the key for anyone who has lived in the countryside is that frogs appear in the spring and their noise can be deafening. So to be aware of the sound of the frog's splash, one has to be at the start of spring, when the air is still cool and the world is just waking up from it's winter's rest. It creates a connection to the feeling of being lost in thought and suddenly awakening though the sudden sound of a splash of water. You get the feeling of renewal, rebirth and starting afresh. Or at least, this is what the poem says to me.
All this to say to the OP, I think if you try to think of a place or a situation that is iconic to you and then use a "seasonal" word to refer to that situation, then you will get more out of your haiku. For example, I really, really like juped's "before clicking Post" line because it evokes that feeling that we all know on HN -- a kind of shared experience.
And, yes, the syllables are not so important in my mind as long as it's close. It is said that more important than the syllables is that you have a break in the middle somewhere. So you should usually aim for 2 sentences/thoughts in your three lines with some kind of break of structure to indicate the division. In Basho's poem you get the "sound of water" that stands in contrast to the frog jumping in.
juped|6 years ago
Counting syllables
quickly on the fingertips
before clicking Post
mikekchar|6 years ago
Basho's famous poem of a frog is a good example (this is my attempt at a 5-7-5 translation):
I added "suddenly" to make up the the 7 in the second line, which I think is in keeping with the story that Basho never actually saw the frog. It was that the world's silence was broken by the sound of the water from the jumping of the frog.But the key for anyone who has lived in the countryside is that frogs appear in the spring and their noise can be deafening. So to be aware of the sound of the frog's splash, one has to be at the start of spring, when the air is still cool and the world is just waking up from it's winter's rest. It creates a connection to the feeling of being lost in thought and suddenly awakening though the sudden sound of a splash of water. You get the feeling of renewal, rebirth and starting afresh. Or at least, this is what the poem says to me.
All this to say to the OP, I think if you try to think of a place or a situation that is iconic to you and then use a "seasonal" word to refer to that situation, then you will get more out of your haiku. For example, I really, really like juped's "before clicking Post" line because it evokes that feeling that we all know on HN -- a kind of shared experience.
And, yes, the syllables are not so important in my mind as long as it's close. It is said that more important than the syllables is that you have a break in the middle somewhere. So you should usually aim for 2 sentences/thoughts in your three lines with some kind of break of structure to indicate the division. In Basho's poem you get the "sound of water" that stands in contrast to the frog jumping in.
palimpsests|6 years ago
in fact it doesn't even have the right amount of lines
devmunchies|6 years ago
kempbellt|6 years ago