[bigj0n]

Theyre not mutually exclusive.

Human communication is impossible to get perfect. You have to strike a balance between a bunch of priorities. I could write an essay on this topic, but nobody would read it. Thus I sacrifice clarity for brevity, and make a comment that can be read in a minute.

If I highly prioritized kindness and told you how much I respected your viewpoint and appreciate your taking the time to engage with me- that would naturally require a number of words. Which means I either make my comment longer- which reduces engagement, or I shorten the meat of the argument- which reduces clarity.

So you can see how these different priorities can come at cost of one another. While I'd like to find the ideal sentence every time I communicate that sacrifices nothing- I just dont have the communication skills to do so.

[calcifer]

> If I highly prioritized kindness and told you how much I respected your viewpoint and appreciate your taking the time to engage with me...

... you would be patronizing me, not showing me kindness.

[antepodius]

When kindness transitions into patronisation depends on the listener. There are people for whom all kindness in speech is patronising.