I once took a “hero dose” of 1500 units, (15 ministamps) as my first dose - i used LSD 3 times after that.
My first experience was ... very holy. Time stopped. I had hallucinations of spider webs weaved into my visual space, and it mixed with sunlight. I felt i was eternal.
I understood what love is, and what grief is, and why (bear with me now ..) if god would to exist, he would have been the loneliest thing, and in his grief and loneliness, he gave birth to otherness, and here we are. I was my own mother, i was my own father, i was everything that ever was, and i did it all because i had one moment of terrorizing loneliness that i (as god) couldn’t take.
It was all for me, a show i put on to entertain my eternal self, i thought about death and i felt immense gratitude, and i suddenly realized how scared everyone else must really be ... i felt extreme grief and love for my parents.
My other experiments, at much lower doses just made me feel anxious. I watched the joker on 400 units, and I nearly cried. it was extremely intense and jarring. I generally find that LSD will amplify your base emotions, sort of like turning a volume dial to max.
It’s a drug to be respected, the kinds of convictions it can generate in the human mind are intense and the impression they leave is significant.
Its definitely not something i would lightly take, or take often, but am thankful for trying.
It was a little surreal to read your post. The "putting on a show to entertain myself" is essentially word for word how I would describe it.
I generally have a hard time explaining it to others without starting to feel it's a ridiculous, convoluted or even egotistical (especially the whole "we're all god in a way"). In a way, whereas I used to be terrified of death, I now accept that immortality would be the more dreadful alternative. I remember treading on these ideas before having tried any type of drug. I've only ever gotten actually high on weed since then, but those experiences were generally not all that pleasant, e.g. had me becoming anxious/paranoid or generally overly introspective. That's also the reason that I've only ever microdosed LSD before as I fear getting actually high and falling into a more extreme version of that weed-induced paranoia/anxiety.
Out of curiosity, do you still hold onto that experience of oneness or do you just leave it as a "drug-induced" hallucination?
Watching a movie like The Joker on psychedelics seems a bad idea to me. The movie is already emotionally disturbing and I wouldn't want that disturbed world to get amplified and burned into my brain. Unless you are super experienced and know what you are getting into I would use psychedelics only for positive and supportive experiences.
Having been there, do you feel that your attitude towards death has changed?
For me, the experience was interesting but ultimately of limited practical applicability. I can totally relate to the "holy thoughts" you describe, but when back in baseline reality, I'm still the same neurotic, doubtful, agnostic rationalist.
Just want to add that I had a somewhat similar experience under the influence of THC (I had several edibles). I took away much the same 'revelation' of the true existential terror of 'oneness'. I felt like I was stuck in a 'perception loop' where I (and all of the world) was in an infinite self-referential loop and I was identical to that loop. The true terror came from me trying to 'break out' of the loop, and being unable to. I remember continually asking the question 'who perceives the perceiver?' and then reaching for an answer, only to be kicked 'up a level' in this recursive loop and starting the process all over again. Eventually I was overwhelmed by a Sisyphean resignation; I was condemned to exist in this loop for all time, continually confused, with nothing to ground 'myself' and in a constant battle against 'myself'.
Looking back, the feeling of being 'trapped' was somewhat reminiscent of my experience of 'sleep paralysis' (and also occurred as I was falling asleep) though on an ineffably more terrifying scale. I'm not sure if other people who've experienced bad trips on weed (that are hallucinogenic in nature) have felt something similar.
When I awoke the next day, I suddenly had the distinct realization that the existence of other living beings and their eventual death (as my own) was an immense gift. Eternal existence as some monistic 'God' suddenly appeared to be the ultimate hell.
I don't know the dose and will ask, but your experience matches my only experience and I hadn't looked into it before. Everything resolved to one entity, which was almost nothingness at the same time. As a solipsist, the experience and events leading up to it, including the peers that appeared to be guides, remain with me today.
This was something I read leading up to it, http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
is a "ministamp" the same slang as "tab"? 15 tabs of LSD at once is beyond anything I've ever heard of. One tab of what i would take in college would yield about a 12-15 hour high. Granted, LSD has decreased significantly in potency over the years where marijuana has increased.
I've did LSD quite a bit in college. When it goes right it's unlike anything you've ever experienced, when it goes wrong it's... unlike anything you've ever experienced.
For anyone thinking about trying it, i'm not going to say you should or should not. Just understand, you're dealing with something poorly understood and incomprehensibly powerful.
I think everyone should experience it in some way. I hate the hazy feeling of being "high"-high, but there's a depth to LSD which I find incredibly fascinating. I think the mystique and non-communicability of the experience add to that. Lots of oxymoronic phrases come to mind.
Thanks, anyone considering taking any drugs would do themselves a great service to look it up on erowid first at the least. It doesn't have all the information, but it has enough to make a decently informed decision.
My experience with drugs is limited to stuff like mdma and cocaine. I've always wanted to try a powerful psychoactive / hallucinogenic but I have issues with depression and I've been told if you have mental issues LSD and their like can make them much worse! But I've also heard they can be great for people with depression / self asteem issues.
Honestly, despite them being safer than other drugs with regard to things like addiction... They kinda scare me! In ways that harder drugs don't!
"I've been told if you have mental issues LSD and their like can make them much worse!"
That's the usual received wisdom. However, back in the old days there was some research in to treating various mental disorders with LSD. Here's an example of treatment of childhood schizophrenia with LSD and psilocybin: [1]
LSD has also been used to treat alcoholism (with the most famous case being that of Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous).
All of these studies were done decades ago, so I'm sure contemporary scientists would have lots of objections regarding their methodology, ethics, and so on. But the early studies do show promise, and I hope one day these avenues of research will be further explored with modern tools.
Even now there is ongoing research in to using psilocybin to treat depression and end-of-life anxiety in cancer patients.
Of course, it is important to note that such research was in to using psychedelics in a therapeutic setting, with trained, experienced therapists, and not just haphazardly taking psychedelics to "get high", "party" or "have a good time". The results of haphazard use without proper guidance, particularly for people with mental health issues, is likely to be far riskier.
> I've been told if you have mental issues LSD and their like can make them much worse!
I'm not sure that's true, or at least not the way people say it. You can have a bad time, but it's all about the people you're with and the environment you put yourself in. If you take a small dose (You should), your "trip" will be very subtle but very noticeable to you.
Some examples of things I've noticed: You'll be compelled to smile at everything, but not in a bad way - it just seems unavoidable, but you're smiling because you want to rather than because you have to. I find that some people are listeners and some people are talkers, be that about nothing or anything - totally anecdotal, but I find that people who find knowledge for the sake of knowledge compelling tend to be in the latter. Ergo, the acid scene in Bandersnatch (the giggling is bang on, the visuals not so much).
Some advice for a good time (just treat as a fun day out rather than a life changing experience, expect nothing):
* Do it with someone - it makes people really honest and talkative, even if you don't know them that well (Obv. YMMV). And maintain some kind of isolation, i.e. you don't have to be alone but if you're new to it make sure you can maintain some separation (Or anonymity)
* Have something to do - e.g. watch. I think people have bad trips because they spiral rather than a sudden descent, so having something to follow other than your own thoughts is a help.
* Avoid authority - You'll think everyone knows you're high, they won't (Apart from the eyes...) - but that doesn't matter because it will feel like (say) someone is towering over your shoulder even if they're just having a look at your monitor.
> if you have mental issues LSD and their like can make them much worse
If you are predisposed to schizophrenia, LSD may trigger your break. Then again, a stressful life event may have done it anyway, so it's not like it caused the condition.
Some issues may get better(depression?), some may get worse(anxiety?). We really don't have enough data to make recommendations on who should or should not do psychedelics. My personal experience was that I had a significant worsening of symptoms for several years(panic attacks, anxiety, bipolar swings). If I could rewind time and never do psychedelics, I would avoid them. However, now that I've done them more and have experience with how they affect me, I'm looking forward to doing them again when I'm retired and have time to recover.
Hmm, I will say that usage indoors vs outdoors will result in drastically different experiences, and so you should be careful in evaluating anecdata.
In regards to "making x worse", every trip I've done only seems to amplify whatever thoughts are in my mind. If you're alone, and you start thinking about something that depresses you, you will almost certainly be in a bad place. If you force yourself (/have a friend or two) to explore your thoughts positively, you won't. That applies to indoor trips. Outdoor trips are dominated by your inner feelings about the outdoors. For instance, if you get anxious in the woods sober, tripping outdoors will probably be a bad time. Personally I get overwhelmed by how awesome nature is, so I've never had a bad experience outdoors.
Generally I ended up confronting something in my thoughts every time (anxiety, major decisions, relationships, etc) and seriously appreciated lsd for it. Even a "bad trip" gave me some nice insights.
If you're worried about "bad trips" there are generally two kinds.
1. You realize you don't want to be tripping at some point during the trip, overwhelmed by the high/new perspective. Every time I tripped with someone for their first time, they encountered this to some degree. You have to psychologically prepare to spend ~12 hours in an altered psyche.
2. Staring into the abyss. Having dark thoughts that spiral into more negative thoughts, etc. Usually friends can help here, but ultimately this varies a lot between people. I've been with people where this happened, but I've never gone through anything I couldn't easily talk myself back out of. They all came back to normal, but for some amount of time they each silently freaked out in a corner or similar. Pretty easy to spot if you have a "guide" to trip with. A friend who's done it a few times works best in my opinion, but many people choose a sober trip sitter.
If you have specific questions, I may be able to answer them. I've done lsd probably 3 dozen times, in many different environments.
Maybe look in to psilocybin mushrooms? I’ve heard they are very helpful for people with depression, but not good for people with schizophrenia.
I found this podcast to be a great fact based overview of the latest research on psychedelic therapy. The results from major research institutions are promising, though there is less research on use outside of a research institution.
> I've been told if you have mental issues LSD and their like can make them much worse!
I'm not sure why you just believe what people tells you when it comes to illicit drugs. I would advise you ask for sources next time. Bringing hearsay to a conversation about something as serious as illicit drugs seems like it is not a good idea.
> 21,967 respondents (13.4% weighted) reported lifetime psychedelic use. There were no significant associations between lifetime use of any psychedelics, lifetime use of specific psychedelics (LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, peyote), or past year use of LSD and increased rate of any of the mental health outcomes. Rather, in several cases psychedelic use was associated with lower rate of mental health problems.
> The present findings reinforce the view that psychedelics elicit psychosis-like symptoms acutely yet improve psychological wellbeing in the mid to long term. It is proposed that acute alterations in mood are secondary to a more fundamental modulation in the quality of cognition, and that increased cognitive flexibility subsequent to serotonin 2A receptor (5-HT2AR) stimulation promotes emotional lability during intoxication and leaves a residue of ‘loosened cognition’ in the mid to long term that is conducive to improved psychological wellbeing.
To whomever removed my previous comment: So word of mouth is good enough for guidelines on using illicit drugs but not good enough for religious teachings?
Generally, you need a guide. Someone more experienced who can spot things going wrong and bring you back. Something as simple being asked your name can make all the difference in the world. An experienced guide can help you through the effects and keep it on a peaceful path.
>Experiments on mice with radioactively labeled LSD have established that intravenously injected LSD disappeared down to a small vestige, very rapidly from the bloodstream and was distributed throughout the organism. Unexpectedly, the lowest concentration is found in the brain. It is concentrated here in certain centers of the midbrain that play a role in the regulation of emotion. Such findings give indications as to the localization of certain psychic functions in the brain.
>Note: LSD, My Problem Child appears in this library under the "Fair Use" rulings
regarding the 1976 Copyright Act for NON-profit academic, research, and
general information purposes. Readers requiring a permanent copy of
LSD, My Problem Child for their library are advised to
purchase it from their book supplier.
I wrote a comment here attempting to appeal to a specific segment of Anglo-American intelligence and knowledge. I actually expected to receive upvotes, social currency, and acceptance, but instead the opposite effect occurred. As a result of having processed the event after a long amount of time, I decided to apologize for any disruption of intended human activity and for my presumptions: I apologize for any disruption of intended human activity and for my presumptions. I promise to do better next time as I learn to interact with your valuable Hacker News society and culture.
[+] [-] idclip|6 years ago|reply
My first experience was ... very holy. Time stopped. I had hallucinations of spider webs weaved into my visual space, and it mixed with sunlight. I felt i was eternal.
I understood what love is, and what grief is, and why (bear with me now ..) if god would to exist, he would have been the loneliest thing, and in his grief and loneliness, he gave birth to otherness, and here we are. I was my own mother, i was my own father, i was everything that ever was, and i did it all because i had one moment of terrorizing loneliness that i (as god) couldn’t take.
It was all for me, a show i put on to entertain my eternal self, i thought about death and i felt immense gratitude, and i suddenly realized how scared everyone else must really be ... i felt extreme grief and love for my parents.
My other experiments, at much lower doses just made me feel anxious. I watched the joker on 400 units, and I nearly cried. it was extremely intense and jarring. I generally find that LSD will amplify your base emotions, sort of like turning a volume dial to max.
It’s a drug to be respected, the kinds of convictions it can generate in the human mind are intense and the impression they leave is significant.
Its definitely not something i would lightly take, or take often, but am thankful for trying.
[+] [-] Calamity|6 years ago|reply
I generally have a hard time explaining it to others without starting to feel it's a ridiculous, convoluted or even egotistical (especially the whole "we're all god in a way"). In a way, whereas I used to be terrified of death, I now accept that immortality would be the more dreadful alternative. I remember treading on these ideas before having tried any type of drug. I've only ever gotten actually high on weed since then, but those experiences were generally not all that pleasant, e.g. had me becoming anxious/paranoid or generally overly introspective. That's also the reason that I've only ever microdosed LSD before as I fear getting actually high and falling into a more extreme version of that weed-induced paranoia/anxiety.
Out of curiosity, do you still hold onto that experience of oneness or do you just leave it as a "drug-induced" hallucination?
[+] [-] Ididntdothis|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] isoprophlex|6 years ago|reply
For me, the experience was interesting but ultimately of limited practical applicability. I can totally relate to the "holy thoughts" you describe, but when back in baseline reality, I'm still the same neurotic, doubtful, agnostic rationalist.
[+] [-] gbjw|6 years ago|reply
Looking back, the feeling of being 'trapped' was somewhat reminiscent of my experience of 'sleep paralysis' (and also occurred as I was falling asleep) though on an ineffably more terrifying scale. I'm not sure if other people who've experienced bad trips on weed (that are hallucinogenic in nature) have felt something similar.
When I awoke the next day, I suddenly had the distinct realization that the existence of other living beings and their eventual death (as my own) was an immense gift. Eternal existence as some monistic 'God' suddenly appeared to be the ultimate hell.
[+] [-] dross|6 years ago|reply
This video, during the experience, now defined as my most manic episode, was ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWOdtReCVw It's hard to define.
[+] [-] omarchowdhury|6 years ago|reply
You might enjoy this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Hidden_Treasure
[+] [-] codebolt|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mijoharas|6 years ago|reply
Out of interest, why go for a dose that large? No judgement, I'm just genuinely curious.
[+] [-] ailideex|6 years ago|reply
You have that in SI units or something? I mean even imperial will help.
[+] [-] chasd00|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Chris_Chambers|6 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] freyr|6 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] webdva|6 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] kneel|6 years ago|reply
You could do serious psychological damage to yourself at those levels.
[+] [-] chasd00|6 years ago|reply
For anyone thinking about trying it, i'm not going to say you should or should not. Just understand, you're dealing with something poorly understood and incomprehensibly powerful.
[+] [-] mhh__|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] 0xdeadb00f|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] martinesko36|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] pmoriarty|6 years ago|reply
https://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/books_online.sht...
[+] [-] AngryData|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] LandR|6 years ago|reply
Honestly, despite them being safer than other drugs with regard to things like addiction... They kinda scare me! In ways that harder drugs don't!
[+] [-] pmoriarty|6 years ago|reply
That's the usual received wisdom. However, back in the old days there was some research in to treating various mental disorders with LSD. Here's an example of treatment of childhood schizophrenia with LSD and psilocybin: [1]
LSD has also been used to treat alcoholism (with the most famous case being that of Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous).
All of these studies were done decades ago, so I'm sure contemporary scientists would have lots of objections regarding their methodology, ethics, and so on. But the early studies do show promise, and I hope one day these avenues of research will be further explored with modern tools.
Even now there is ongoing research in to using psilocybin to treat depression and end-of-life anxiety in cancer patients.
Of course, it is important to note that such research was in to using psychedelics in a therapeutic setting, with trained, experienced therapists, and not just haphazardly taking psychedelics to "get high", "party" or "have a good time". The results of haphazard use without proper guidance, particularly for people with mental health issues, is likely to be far riskier.
[1] - https://maps.org/news-letters/v07n3/07318fis.html
[+] [-] mhh__|6 years ago|reply
I'm not sure that's true, or at least not the way people say it. You can have a bad time, but it's all about the people you're with and the environment you put yourself in. If you take a small dose (You should), your "trip" will be very subtle but very noticeable to you.
Some examples of things I've noticed: You'll be compelled to smile at everything, but not in a bad way - it just seems unavoidable, but you're smiling because you want to rather than because you have to. I find that some people are listeners and some people are talkers, be that about nothing or anything - totally anecdotal, but I find that people who find knowledge for the sake of knowledge compelling tend to be in the latter. Ergo, the acid scene in Bandersnatch (the giggling is bang on, the visuals not so much).
Some advice for a good time (just treat as a fun day out rather than a life changing experience, expect nothing):
* Do it with someone - it makes people really honest and talkative, even if you don't know them that well (Obv. YMMV). And maintain some kind of isolation, i.e. you don't have to be alone but if you're new to it make sure you can maintain some separation (Or anonymity)
* Have something to do - e.g. watch. I think people have bad trips because they spiral rather than a sudden descent, so having something to follow other than your own thoughts is a help.
* Avoid authority - You'll think everyone knows you're high, they won't (Apart from the eyes...) - but that doesn't matter because it will feel like (say) someone is towering over your shoulder even if they're just having a look at your monitor.
[+] [-] 01100011|6 years ago|reply
If you are predisposed to schizophrenia, LSD may trigger your break. Then again, a stressful life event may have done it anyway, so it's not like it caused the condition.
Some issues may get better(depression?), some may get worse(anxiety?). We really don't have enough data to make recommendations on who should or should not do psychedelics. My personal experience was that I had a significant worsening of symptoms for several years(panic attacks, anxiety, bipolar swings). If I could rewind time and never do psychedelics, I would avoid them. However, now that I've done them more and have experience with how they affect me, I'm looking forward to doing them again when I'm retired and have time to recover.
[+] [-] eyegor|6 years ago|reply
In regards to "making x worse", every trip I've done only seems to amplify whatever thoughts are in my mind. If you're alone, and you start thinking about something that depresses you, you will almost certainly be in a bad place. If you force yourself (/have a friend or two) to explore your thoughts positively, you won't. That applies to indoor trips. Outdoor trips are dominated by your inner feelings about the outdoors. For instance, if you get anxious in the woods sober, tripping outdoors will probably be a bad time. Personally I get overwhelmed by how awesome nature is, so I've never had a bad experience outdoors.
Generally I ended up confronting something in my thoughts every time (anxiety, major decisions, relationships, etc) and seriously appreciated lsd for it. Even a "bad trip" gave me some nice insights.
If you're worried about "bad trips" there are generally two kinds.
1. You realize you don't want to be tripping at some point during the trip, overwhelmed by the high/new perspective. Every time I tripped with someone for their first time, they encountered this to some degree. You have to psychologically prepare to spend ~12 hours in an altered psyche.
2. Staring into the abyss. Having dark thoughts that spiral into more negative thoughts, etc. Usually friends can help here, but ultimately this varies a lot between people. I've been with people where this happened, but I've never gone through anything I couldn't easily talk myself back out of. They all came back to normal, but for some amount of time they each silently freaked out in a corner or similar. Pretty easy to spot if you have a "guide" to trip with. A friend who's done it a few times works best in my opinion, but many people choose a sober trip sitter.
If you have specific questions, I may be able to answer them. I've done lsd probably 3 dozen times, in many different environments.
[+] [-] TaylorAlexander|6 years ago|reply
I found this podcast to be a great fact based overview of the latest research on psychedelic therapy. The results from major research institutions are promising, though there is less research on use outside of a research institution.
https://psychonauts.co.za/
[+] [-] ailideex|6 years ago|reply
I'm not sure why you just believe what people tells you when it comes to illicit drugs. I would advise you ask for sources next time. Bringing hearsay to a conversation about something as serious as illicit drugs seems like it is not a good idea.
Psychedelics and Mental Health: A Population Study, Teri S. Krebs - http://dx.doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0063972
> 21,967 respondents (13.4% weighted) reported lifetime psychedelic use. There were no significant associations between lifetime use of any psychedelics, lifetime use of specific psychedelics (LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, peyote), or past year use of LSD and increased rate of any of the mental health outcomes. Rather, in several cases psychedelic use was associated with lower rate of mental health problems.
The paradoxical psychological effects of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) - https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291715002901
> The present findings reinforce the view that psychedelics elicit psychosis-like symptoms acutely yet improve psychological wellbeing in the mid to long term. It is proposed that acute alterations in mood are secondary to a more fundamental modulation in the quality of cognition, and that increased cognitive flexibility subsequent to serotonin 2A receptor (5-HT2AR) stimulation promotes emotional lability during intoxication and leaves a residue of ‘loosened cognition’ in the mid to long term that is conducive to improved psychological wellbeing.
To whomever removed my previous comment: So word of mouth is good enough for guidelines on using illicit drugs but not good enough for religious teachings?
[+] [-] chasd00|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] idclip|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ailideex|6 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] max_|6 years ago|reply
The Irony...
[+] [-] unknown|6 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] egdod|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] bookofjoe|6 years ago|reply
[+] [-] webdva|6 years ago|reply