(For those who don't know, Byuu is a member here and will likely see comments in this thread.)
Hi Byuu. You don't know me, but I've been a fan of your work since the early days of bsnes. I've also seen at least some of your "detractors'" criticisms, while lurking. (My "favorite" was that you don't know enough math to emulate the 3D graphics of the N64, because you didn't stay in school. I didn't know they taught how to write SNES emulators in school either... Maybe I was sick that day.)
Anyway... Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're more mature than most(?) of your critics, and more importantly, you've made several comments and actions that make me think you have a genuine desire to self-improve.
Social graces seem to come more naturally to some people than others. The rest of us have to work it out for ourselves. You're a smart person, so I know you can do this if you devote the time to it. Of course, thinking of yourself as smart tends to be an obstacle, and the journey tends to start where you least expect it.
If you'll allow me to give a word of caution, avoid distractions. Spend some time by yourself pulling back from people online, and not writing code either. There are problems in life that no amount of code can help. If you really want to solve this, don't get too caught up in exploring Tokyo either. :)
I'm sorry if bsnes/higan hasn't made you happy, but if you still have some energy left, I know you can find a way to get what you really want out of life.
Working on bsnes and higan were the things that made me most happy. Well, bug hunting was of course stressful but the joy of fixing a bug and seeing new games running was always well worth it! I'm definitely going to miss it a lot.
It was everything else that was a problem. If I could have just been left alone to code in peace and without all these pesky health and work issues, I'd be very happy to continue.
I think I still have a ways to go on the self-improvement, but it's hit a point where I think I need a few months' break to go at it offline, and maybe let my hands rest a while from typing so much. I ended up coming back to things the last two bouts of depression, so we'll see.
> . If you really want to solve this, don't get too caught up in exploring Tokyo either. :)
Why?
The way I see it, detaching yourself from your routine environment for a while, disconnecting from everything toxic or anchoring, and instead rediscovering who you are and what you want - in an environment that has no preconceptions or preconceived expectations of you - is a great way to find what matters to you and who you can be, how you can express who you are and how you feel.
Not to mention that working abroad is a great opportunity that is very much different depending on age and personal status, so I do hope he makes the best of it, and really discovers the beauty of Japan and its culture and people.
It's truly been an honor! I've always greatly appreciated the links to my articles shared here, and the discussions with everyone on these and other submissions on the site.
I'm hoping to return one day when things settle down a bit in my life. Hopefully when that day comes I'll have some great new things to share. Until then, take care everyone!
I totally feel the "I hate that my only talent is computer programming." I am in the exact same boat. I really don't even like the career anymore, other than the money, which I would trade in a heart-beat for a stable job that allowed more leisure time and made OK money.
I worked extremely hard on a start-up for half of my 20s and I ended up with basically nothing to show for it. Employers do not seem that interested in my start-up, they want "People with experience scaling large systems." Whoops.
Now I'm sending out my CV and I'm not getting many bites.
Please please dont be hard on yourself. I actually "wasted" my 20s (and most of my 30s) in startups and "learning". But employers really dont care for this (I am in a FAANG hiring committee) and are no different than recruiters who care more for nothing more than the latest buzz words ("scaling distributed systems"). What is worse is even startups who are meant to value diversity/breadth of skills are doing the same.
But would I trade my breadth of knowledge and learning. Nope. Would I try to become a one-trick-pony? Not at all. Do I still code - Yep totally but on things I care about and enjoy rather than on a yet-another-engagement-driver while also building up on other hobbies.
Also where are you based? DM me if you are looking at roles in the bay-area. (Unfortunately as much as Id hate to see it die, leetcode is unavoidable at a FAANG interview :) ).
Byuu, your code base is awesome and I've been studying it a lot lately. I'm not programming emulators, I'm studying your architectural design more than anything. Your passion and dedication really shows. Best of luck in your future.
I've also had bouts of RSI and it can really be frustrating, especially when what you do shapes so much of how one thinks of oneself, and that starts to whittle away.
Thank you kindly! The structural design aspects of programming was one of my favorite parts. I may've gone a bit too far in the final releases of higan with the reference-counted tree to describe system states (specifically serializing the tree is quite involved), but I'm still really happy with the result ^-^;
Hopefully a respite from coding in my spare time will help my hands recover a bit.
Good luck, byuu! Your emulation work is an inspiration. :) I'm jealous of your Tokyo move - I tried last year but failed to secure a work visa (only time being a college dropout has actually hurt me).
Thank you for everything you've accomplished. The world is immeasurably richer because of you and everyone who helped make these accurate emulators a reality.
I think an important facet of open source is portraying the right expectations.
I feel like I have an inverse problem to the one the author describes. Personally I work on projects for a really long time in private, not having to worry about dealing with other people since everything is done by me only, and wonder how I should eventually portray the project to the public. My motivation to do things shifts wildly from week to week, and I can spend months at a time on one single project and suddenly just stop cold one day as if it never happened. I keep wondering how that's compatible with involving yourself with the community, if they'll wonder where I'm at a month from now. In my case the project is specifically meant for contribution for other people or it won't take off (a mod system) so it feels inevitable I'd have to do it some day. But I don't know if I can keep it up after it's announced without getting burnt out by interacting with people, and delivering on the things I want to accomplish. I'm reminded of the author of uBlock Origin specifically refusing donations for this reason, to ensure he feels no sense of responsibility to "make good" on what people give him. He also mentions the same motivation issue.
I have at one point been in a spot where I've worked on something with a similar amount of zeal for months on end, literally every single day, then dropped it out of nowhere, then had someone come up to me and ask me to finish it with them, and then literally being unable to get myself to write more code. Like, I was sitting at the screen, doing nothing at all for hours, unable to bring myself to care. Even though this person reached out to me personally over one of my projects, which had never happened before in my life, and I liked their company! Part of me still wanted it to be finished too. But I just didn't feel like it anymore. I feel a lot of guilt over that, still. So I know I have been in that spot before.
I keep working at my current projects though, regardless of the amount of progress. It's just an interesting hobby right now, if a somewhat obsessive one. I'm always reminded of the portrayal of Robert Graysmith in the film Zodiac, where he explains he does so much investigation into the titular case "because nobody else will." That's exactly how I feel with my long-term projects. Perhaps byuu felt the same at some point. Maybe that attitude is what got me this far all along.
Still, so many times I feel like I'm just grasping at straws or not making the progress I want. But giving it to the community leaves a sense of obligation if I have these goals that are still left unfulfilled, which I easily end up imagining worst-case leading into whatever drama of "such and such project not doing what it envisions." And of course I will never expect someone to pick up the torch, tempting as it feels. They could, but in the end it's their choice, and I have no right to obligate them.
This thought bothers me a lot. What reminded me of this in relation to the article specifically was the author's mention of wishing he could just code in peace without all the extra baggage surrounding the project and other things in his life he describes. Currently I would describe myself as "coding in peace," it being closed-source at the moment, and I'm wondering if I'll end up getting myself into all that someday. Then again, the alternative feels like wandering aimlessly in this solitary coding marathon for months on end at a glacial rate of progress, not quite knowing if my designs or implementations are the "right" way to advance the project, which feels equally troublesome. I don't feel smart (or perhaps arrogant) enough to believe that outright. And also, wasn't I supposed to use this thing if it does get finished? Otherwise why spend so long coding it up at all?
After a while this cycle of thinking wears me out. I can totally understand the author's feelings, even if they aren't quite caused by the same reasons. It's a lot of time spent on a small amount of things, in the pursuit of these potentially lofty goals. I guess it's necessary to step back every once in a while and reframe things.
That doesn't even go into careers, which is a different boat entirely.
All that might have been a random tangent. It's just a thought I've been mulling over.
Anyway, I should say this: Thanks, byuu, for all your contributions to the emulation scene over the years. Give yourself a good block of vacation and go explore Tokyo sometime. You deserve it.
Whatever it is, it wouldn't shock me if he were being too hard on himself. I have seen him comment here for instance, and I do not follow the scene at all, but many of those were interesting comments.
I am only skimming the linked article elsewhere in the thread and it seems too hard on him too.
I give you my word, they've had a go at me online since 1998. I'm not worried about criticism directed my way. I mostly deserved it anyway.
But they went after my friends. Someone on an imageboard compiled a list of my friends' real names, photographs they had posted, locations where they lived ... really creepy stuff.
I'm stepping down because I don't want my personal friends and the dozens of volunteers who helped develop my emulators caught in the crossfire.
Wanting to preserve art† (which people make with an expectation that it will be shared and preserved, even after their death), and waiting to preserve every detail about the minutiae of people’s lives, are very different wants.
Certainly, cultural anthropologists wish we had more preservation of life-minutiae, because it would make their own jobs easier; but most people don’t agree. Meanwhile, basically everyone agrees we should be preserving art.
† Where by “art”, I mean works made in lasting media. The preservation of performance art is... divisive, to say the least.
I removed the archive.is check, and requested the entire site to be crawled, which is now done. The entire site is mirrored here: http://archive.is/byuu.org
I also sent an e-mail to the archive.org staff requesting the exclusion to be removed.
I hope this will satisfy your request, and that you can sympathize with why I chose not to do this until retiring.
Same. It seems he's also blocking other archiver tools by showing "Please click the button below to enter byuu.org: [I am not a robot button]": https://archive.vn/NYreE
btrask|6 years ago
Hi Byuu. You don't know me, but I've been a fan of your work since the early days of bsnes. I've also seen at least some of your "detractors'" criticisms, while lurking. (My "favorite" was that you don't know enough math to emulate the 3D graphics of the N64, because you didn't stay in school. I didn't know they taught how to write SNES emulators in school either... Maybe I was sick that day.)
Anyway... Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're more mature than most(?) of your critics, and more importantly, you've made several comments and actions that make me think you have a genuine desire to self-improve.
Social graces seem to come more naturally to some people than others. The rest of us have to work it out for ourselves. You're a smart person, so I know you can do this if you devote the time to it. Of course, thinking of yourself as smart tends to be an obstacle, and the journey tends to start where you least expect it.
If you'll allow me to give a word of caution, avoid distractions. Spend some time by yourself pulling back from people online, and not writing code either. There are problems in life that no amount of code can help. If you really want to solve this, don't get too caught up in exploring Tokyo either. :)
I'm sorry if bsnes/higan hasn't made you happy, but if you still have some energy left, I know you can find a way to get what you really want out of life.
Thanks for your incredible effort, and godspeed.
byuu|6 years ago
It was everything else that was a problem. If I could have just been left alone to code in peace and without all these pesky health and work issues, I'd be very happy to continue.
I think I still have a ways to go on the self-improvement, but it's hit a point where I think I need a few months' break to go at it offline, and maybe let my hands rest a while from typing so much. I ended up coming back to things the last two bouts of depression, so we'll see.
Thanks for the kind words, take care as well!
advance512|6 years ago
Why?
The way I see it, detaching yourself from your routine environment for a while, disconnecting from everything toxic or anchoring, and instead rediscovering who you are and what you want - in an environment that has no preconceptions or preconceived expectations of you - is a great way to find what matters to you and who you can be, how you can express who you are and how you feel.
Not to mention that working abroad is a great opportunity that is very much different depending on age and personal status, so I do hope he makes the best of it, and really discovers the beauty of Japan and its culture and people.
raphlinus|6 years ago
byuu|6 years ago
It's truly been an honor! I've always greatly appreciated the links to my articles shared here, and the discussions with everyone on these and other submissions on the site.
I'm hoping to return one day when things settle down a bit in my life. Hopefully when that day comes I'll have some great new things to share. Until then, take care everyone!
honkycat|6 years ago
I worked extremely hard on a start-up for half of my 20s and I ended up with basically nothing to show for it. Employers do not seem that interested in my start-up, they want "People with experience scaling large systems." Whoops.
Now I'm sending out my CV and I'm not getting many bites.
flashgordon|6 years ago
But would I trade my breadth of knowledge and learning. Nope. Would I try to become a one-trick-pony? Not at all. Do I still code - Yep totally but on things I care about and enjoy rather than on a yet-another-engagement-driver while also building up on other hobbies.
Also where are you based? DM me if you are looking at roles in the bay-area. (Unfortunately as much as Id hate to see it die, leetcode is unavoidable at a FAANG interview :) ).
beefhash|6 years ago
aidenn0|6 years ago
reassembled|6 years ago
I've also had bouts of RSI and it can really be frustrating, especially when what you do shapes so much of how one thinks of oneself, and that starts to whittle away.
byuu|6 years ago
Hopefully a respite from coding in my spare time will help my hands recover a bit.
a_t48|6 years ago
matheusmoreira|6 years ago
serf|6 years ago
nonbirithm|6 years ago
I feel like I have an inverse problem to the one the author describes. Personally I work on projects for a really long time in private, not having to worry about dealing with other people since everything is done by me only, and wonder how I should eventually portray the project to the public. My motivation to do things shifts wildly from week to week, and I can spend months at a time on one single project and suddenly just stop cold one day as if it never happened. I keep wondering how that's compatible with involving yourself with the community, if they'll wonder where I'm at a month from now. In my case the project is specifically meant for contribution for other people or it won't take off (a mod system) so it feels inevitable I'd have to do it some day. But I don't know if I can keep it up after it's announced without getting burnt out by interacting with people, and delivering on the things I want to accomplish. I'm reminded of the author of uBlock Origin specifically refusing donations for this reason, to ensure he feels no sense of responsibility to "make good" on what people give him. He also mentions the same motivation issue.
I have at one point been in a spot where I've worked on something with a similar amount of zeal for months on end, literally every single day, then dropped it out of nowhere, then had someone come up to me and ask me to finish it with them, and then literally being unable to get myself to write more code. Like, I was sitting at the screen, doing nothing at all for hours, unable to bring myself to care. Even though this person reached out to me personally over one of my projects, which had never happened before in my life, and I liked their company! Part of me still wanted it to be finished too. But I just didn't feel like it anymore. I feel a lot of guilt over that, still. So I know I have been in that spot before.
I keep working at my current projects though, regardless of the amount of progress. It's just an interesting hobby right now, if a somewhat obsessive one. I'm always reminded of the portrayal of Robert Graysmith in the film Zodiac, where he explains he does so much investigation into the titular case "because nobody else will." That's exactly how I feel with my long-term projects. Perhaps byuu felt the same at some point. Maybe that attitude is what got me this far all along.
Still, so many times I feel like I'm just grasping at straws or not making the progress I want. But giving it to the community leaves a sense of obligation if I have these goals that are still left unfulfilled, which I easily end up imagining worst-case leading into whatever drama of "such and such project not doing what it envisions." And of course I will never expect someone to pick up the torch, tempting as it feels. They could, but in the end it's their choice, and I have no right to obligate them.
This thought bothers me a lot. What reminded me of this in relation to the article specifically was the author's mention of wishing he could just code in peace without all the extra baggage surrounding the project and other things in his life he describes. Currently I would describe myself as "coding in peace," it being closed-source at the moment, and I'm wondering if I'll end up getting myself into all that someday. Then again, the alternative feels like wandering aimlessly in this solitary coding marathon for months on end at a glacial rate of progress, not quite knowing if my designs or implementations are the "right" way to advance the project, which feels equally troublesome. I don't feel smart (or perhaps arrogant) enough to believe that outright. And also, wasn't I supposed to use this thing if it does get finished? Otherwise why spend so long coding it up at all?
After a while this cycle of thinking wears me out. I can totally understand the author's feelings, even if they aren't quite caused by the same reasons. It's a lot of time spent on a small amount of things, in the pursuit of these potentially lofty goals. I guess it's necessary to step back every once in a while and reframe things.
That doesn't even go into careers, which is a different boat entirely.
All that might have been a random tangent. It's just a thought I've been mulling over.
Anyway, I should say this: Thanks, byuu, for all your contributions to the emulation scene over the years. Give yourself a good block of vacation and go explore Tokyo sometime. You deserve it.
Bananaman28|6 years ago
AdmiralAsshat|6 years ago
asveikau|6 years ago
I am only skimming the linked article elsewhere in the thread and it seems too hard on him too.
contr-error|6 years ago
jpgvm|6 years ago
[deleted]
unknown|6 years ago
[deleted]
srtjstjsj|6 years ago
byuu|6 years ago
But they went after my friends. Someone on an imageboard compiled a list of my friends' real names, photographs they had posted, locations where they lived ... really creepy stuff.
I'm stepping down because I don't want my personal friends and the dozens of volunteers who helped develop my emulators caught in the crossfire.
Mindless2112|6 years ago
[deleted]
derefr|6 years ago
Certainly, cultural anthropologists wish we had more preservation of life-minutiae, because it would make their own jobs easier; but most people don’t agree. Meanwhile, basically everyone agrees we should be preserving art.
† Where by “art”, I mean works made in lasting media. The preservation of performance art is... divisive, to say the least.
DeepYogurt|6 years ago
byuu|6 years ago
I removed the archive.is check, and requested the entire site to be crawled, which is now done. The entire site is mirrored here: http://archive.is/byuu.org
I also sent an e-mail to the archive.org staff requesting the exclusion to be removed.
I hope this will satisfy your request, and that you can sympathize with why I chose not to do this until retiring.
nayuki|6 years ago
unknown|6 years ago
[deleted]