Ask HN: Need help and support to fight through challenges

[hestipod]

I've been struggling a long time. Some of it I admit is self inflicted due to my own weaknesses and inability to move past pain and problems, but most is external and there has been a lot. I have failed to grab securely the occasional lifelines I have had over the years. One from a kind member here. Not long ago I completely gave out and tried to stop living. Now I am trying to recover from that and new issues and feel very alone and adrift. I have no holistic support or care. Each day is such a fight, each moment. If anyone has the time and energy I could use real caring, love, strength. "If I could just go back" is my mantra but its not served me at all I see. I need to go forward but things are SO bad now I don't know how and am getting pawned off by the local people I asked for help. The healthcare system has failed me repeatedly. So another desperation post. Few people have written me in past but I lost all messages/contacts as I seem to have deleted the accounts content. I want a life...a future...but I am simply not able to do it alone. Timing of world events makes it even worse I know. Please if you have the energy reach out. Email is in profile. I am probably even beyond trying to stay anonymous as its so critical and desperate. I am past forums or crisis texts etc. I need real people and real guidance.

Thank you

[iwantdonuts]

Hey dude, hope you're doing okay. Lately, I've been telling myself that there are times when just staying alive is enough, and I think that's what you need right now. There are a lot of different ways we hate on ourselves, but always try to remember, you lived, and you survived the day. Try not to think of surviving as doing nothing, you're always doing something for every moment you're on Earth.

I know you mentioned this, but just remember that times are hard for everyone right now since most of us are sheltering in place, so you're not alone there. I had always hoped that the internet would be a great resource for people like us, but I do agree with you, forums and crisis hotlines can only go so far. I don't think there's really much else we can do with the internet.

[hestipod]

I appreciate the well wishes. I am really struggling hence the post. I don't see myself making it like this, but am being hemmed in with no options. I really want a path and a life. I have burned out most of the people who seemed to care at all because things just don't get better and they can't stand constant failure and loss. A couple people who truly love me will be there to the end...but they are far away and have their own great struggles so I cannot lean to hard on them.

I feel like this was just a pause and the weight of it all will crush me again any way. I really need better doctors, some mental care, and a social network. I failed to capitalize on the most recent chance out of fear since everything keeps failing so I messed it up by trying to do it right instead of just doing it. Lesson learned too late. Don't see another chance happening.

I want a life so badly...this experience just proved it to me...but I think I am out of people and roads. I regret letting my fears and bad past get in the way of great hopes. I ruined them because I didn't have enough sense and awareness. Lesson learned too late. Now I feel pushed right back to the dark place and ending it. So terrifying and angering. I don't deserve this...nobody does. We all just want safety and love for ourselves and families.

[helph67]

I suggest you regularly going for a walk (at least 30 minutes), in an area with plenty of greenery. Perhaps a park. The change of scene (from being inside) plus the exercise, sunshine and face to face contact with others should help.

When you're at home, play music regularly and often. https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/en-au/articles/10-heal...

While listening to your music a little DARK chocolate may also help. https://healthyeating.sfgate.com/dark-chocolate-serotonin-le...

[hestipod]

I would love to go for a long walk or better run. I have a disability, one of the things that led to this act, that makes walking very painful so I shuffle around short distances often outside to try and get sunshine. It really does help. But I live rural so no other people. Listening to Satie now and just ate an Andes Mint...no dark around. I am trying. Fighting. I am just losing again after already losing one and botching that. At the time I need the most support and love, I have the least. The ironies of my life keep hitting.