[PappaPatat]

THE thing I wished more developers knew about databases: they are badass when it comes to data manipulation.

Stop sucking all data and manipulate it in your language of choice. Tell you DBA what you want done and let her do it for you.

Really, DB's may look like they are the special needs kid in the chain, but they're magnificent powerhouses when it comes to 90% of what you are trying to do to data.