The author seems to have a bit of a money fixation. She is obsessed with how much money she has -- her blog graphs her net worth publicly! -- and with the image of thriftiness. Saying that someone who orders an appetizer at a restaurant, considers dessert, or has more than one drink must "handle money differently" from her is just obnoxious. I bet she smiled knowingly to herself, and maybe shook her head a bit, when those appetizers were ordered -- some people don't know how to save money!
In this blog we are merely observing the firings of someone's ego who identifies as "thrifty" and a high earner. I'm sure any awkwardness with her friends is created by her!
It is awkward, especially when you aren't sure how others are going to take it. Because American culture doesn't really condone talking about personal finances, you have a hard time gauging someone's reactions when the subject comes up, which causes a sort of opacity feedback loop.
I have a very good friend who just graduated law school and got his first job with some firm in Virginia. He helped me move cross country last summer, and got the job offer on the drive. On the drive, he mentioned his salary as a way of bragging (he likes to do that), and I casually mentioned that was a great salary for someone effectively right out of school. He asked what I made, and I told him it was in the ballpark of double his new offer, and that pissed him off. I had to remind him that I've been doing this professionally for five years, that I've got a strong track record of getting shit done and that I also have a grad degree in my field. It didn't really help, and it made things awkward for the remainder of the trip. I'm not sure why, though. We have another friend who makes far more than either of us ever will (he's some sort of associate director for a hedge fund), and although we don't know specifics it's fairly easy to come to grips with the fact that all of us make different amounts of money. I'm just not sure why the contrast between my attorney friend's salary and my own was such a shock, and it makes me very hesitant to discuss money with them in the future.
Brand new lawyers are really terrible in this regard. Out of the young lawyers I know, two are really in it because they love the law and justice. The other 95%+ are in it for money and prestige, not because they actually like doing the job.
If he's in the latter group, what he heard was "You've worked like a dog in school and now you're going to have to work 80+ hour weeks to make half as much as I do." In contrast, he's probably able to rationalize the hedge fund guy as a lottery-type combination of talent, ridiculously hard work, and luck.
What has worked for me, is to downplay importance of money in those situations. Actively give off the vibe that it is not meaningful in the grand scheme of things and point out how both parties are fortunate.
On the flipside, I focus by questioning on what effort the person had to expend to achieve a great salary and what other benefits they feel they get with their line of work. Concluding with a 'very cool' or something similar.
In both cases, you end up downplaying the sums of money, and focus instead on meaning in context. Changing the perception that there is a dividing factor amongst parties and shifting to a meaning of solidarity is powerful in these situations or conflict resolution.
Cognitive dissonance of realizing a lowly engineer (you know, something those immigrants do) can make more than an attorney. Apparently he wasn't paying attention during the last 20 years.
$15K or $6K per year is a big deal in the first few years of your working life. It becomes much less important a metric later in life. Especially so when you look at all factors involved in a particular job: bureaucracy, a^ole boss, jerky workmates, long hours, too much water cooler gossip, hurry-up and wait, short notice deadlines, etc. Many of my friends would gladly take a pay cut to "own their life" and work from home, for example.
[+] [-] dgreensp|15 years ago|reply
In this blog we are merely observing the firings of someone's ego who identifies as "thrifty" and a high earner. I'm sure any awkwardness with her friends is created by her!
[+] [-] bartonfink|15 years ago|reply
I have a very good friend who just graduated law school and got his first job with some firm in Virginia. He helped me move cross country last summer, and got the job offer on the drive. On the drive, he mentioned his salary as a way of bragging (he likes to do that), and I casually mentioned that was a great salary for someone effectively right out of school. He asked what I made, and I told him it was in the ballpark of double his new offer, and that pissed him off. I had to remind him that I've been doing this professionally for five years, that I've got a strong track record of getting shit done and that I also have a grad degree in my field. It didn't really help, and it made things awkward for the remainder of the trip. I'm not sure why, though. We have another friend who makes far more than either of us ever will (he's some sort of associate director for a hedge fund), and although we don't know specifics it's fairly easy to come to grips with the fact that all of us make different amounts of money. I'm just not sure why the contrast between my attorney friend's salary and my own was such a shock, and it makes me very hesitant to discuss money with them in the future.
[+] [-] jtbigwoo|15 years ago|reply
If he's in the latter group, what he heard was "You've worked like a dog in school and now you're going to have to work 80+ hour weeks to make half as much as I do." In contrast, he's probably able to rationalize the hedge fund guy as a lottery-type combination of talent, ridiculously hard work, and luck.
[+] [-] Lost_BiomedE|15 years ago|reply
On the flipside, I focus by questioning on what effort the person had to expend to achieve a great salary and what other benefits they feel they get with their line of work. Concluding with a 'very cool' or something similar.
In both cases, you end up downplaying the sums of money, and focus instead on meaning in context. Changing the perception that there is a dividing factor amongst parties and shifting to a meaning of solidarity is powerful in these situations or conflict resolution.
[+] [-] unknown|15 years ago|reply
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