[hestipod]

The only place I have ever gotten quality care and felt it wasn't broken and about profits was a European social system. I've never been able to permanently move back there and it's going to result in my death. It infuriates me when nationalism and propaganda overtake reality and costs people their lives. I recently attempted suicide after 15+ years of severe chronic pain and the resultant disability that was caused by medical mistakes and unneeded surgery in the USA. That system stole my life. I was then denied social assistance. I was then told by a dozen lawyers "You have a legit malpractice case but the costs are too high, award caps are too low, and we cannot afford to take it and it's not like people believe from pop culture". I was then dependent on the same system that harmed me to "help" me survive that harm, but couldn't afford it nor get adequate care. When so much goes wrong, against what people believe SHOULD happen, they nearly always blame YOU to preserve their world view. I struggled for so long piecing things together and reducing my life and trying to find a way out but I could never get off of Maslow's bottom rungs in this country. Family and people turned away because victim blaming is common and my family are not generally caring and decent people. I live with an emotionally, and now physically abusive parent, as a middle aged man. Isolated. No access to things I need without begging and fighting. It's better than being homeless, but even that is held over my head if I don't "act right".

The expected results of such a life like depression, anxiety etc are then retconned and blamed as the root cause and people treat you badly. I now have more, and more serious medical issues as a result of being "saved" against my documented wishes and the people and systems are treating me even worse now, with some even saying it's my own fault because of the attempt. I have doctors giving me opposite opinions on things and escalating the issue to more and more difficult to access and expensive specialties. I have no reliable transportation and live rurally. I have ever factor that caused me to try and kill myself to stop the suffering and now new and worse ones, yet there is still no "help". The system and society in this country are broken...selfish...greedy. I spent a night in the ER recently as things were so bad, and that's what my useless primary care doctor inssited I do, and while kind and professional, they were limited in what they could do beyond that night, and sent me right back out into that broken system and "home" to the broken rural hellhole with the cruel narcissists threatening me at the worst time. Can't get the help needed to live...not allowed to die...Now I am living my worst fear...that things are so bad I cannot even make a leap of faith or run away to start again even WITH help...I want it all to be over but even that is prevented and fought in some sick circlejerk of irony.

Healthcare should never be a business...it should be a service. People love to argue about economics when it's not their life on the line, or when it's conceptual. I have seen people in my situation saved by humane social systems. America's has killed me and even watching it happen to me has not budged the people around me and their extreme, nationalistic beliefs. They have decided it's my failure, fault, and this is the "greatest place on earth" and I should be grateful. I guess its probably some filter picking out inflammatory words but even this post isn't showing and makes me feel like my voice doesn't matter...as my life doesn't matter. I have met some very good people in my life so I know it's not ALWAYS bad...but I can forgive myself for thinking it usually is because people usually show it's all about them, ego, and profits. Other people are tools to that end and they don't seem to accept things until they are the victims...and then it's too late.