[mrburkins]

Anecdote: my son is 3.5 and has effectively not been around other children since we left NYC in February. Prior to leaving he was beginning to have a friend group. A group of parents have tried to keep them in touch with FaceTimes etc but to this day he still asks when he can see his friends in real life. We’ve also noticed social regression - especially being afraid of people leaving, not sleeping regularly and random bouts of anger. I’ve heard from other parents who’ve experienced the same. So much happens at this age - learning how to deal with anger, learning how to deal with other kids and their feelings etc. I tend to be a more hands off parent than my wife but even I worry. I hope for the best but I worry.

[actfrench]

I am not sure if this is helpful, but sometimes the best thing to do is simply reflect what the child is feeling and make sure that they really feel heard, rather than trying to make them feel better. When I first started dating my boyfriend, his 3 year old had a lot of discomfort around me. He kept telling me to go away and even butting his head against me or trying to bite me. (Little boys are strong!) I have been a teacher for 15 years and am used to children of all ages adoring me so I didn't know what to do with this situation. I could tell he was really stressed and this hurt my heart. Eventually, I just built a practice of reflecting back to him what he was feeling, making sure I really understood and that he knew I did. If I felt upset, I took some time to sit with my inner child. One night, I put him to bed and he confessed to me that he was afraid he was going to "throw me away." I reassured him that he was not going anywhere. After that things changed a lot between us.

This story might not seem that relevant to your situation, but I think my overall point is that childhood development is not necessarily linear. What seems like social regression could be a new phase he's passing through. Your child may not have had a trauma like COVID happen before and he's learning to deal with it. This crisis may not be parallel to anything we've experienced in our time, but we also do not know what is to come and we can give our children tools to navigate what lies ahead. We all have our ups and downs. As a parent or someone loves children, we yearn so much to help them feel better. It hurst our hearts so much when they are in pain. But sometimes the best thing to do is allow their pain, really listen to it, accept it, let them know we love them, that they're safe...and eventually it passes. This helps them stand strong and process emotions for their whole life. If you would like someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. I'd be happy to connect. It seems to me that if you're thinking about these things deeply that your son is very lucky and he will do quite well. It's been really hard for everyone and I hope you're taking good care of yourself.