[r77ruuddj]

It's a good sound bite but I don't think it really reflects the reality of parenting. I know reality is that helicopter parents have taken over but I'm a light-touch parent. To me parents helicopter because they're bad at politics. When my daughter had trouble with boys or tried drugs I knew immediately because I've never given her something I couldn't compromise at an unnoticeable level. On the other hand, I've never used this to force her hand.

If I know my daughter is being bullied or having trouble with a boy I wait for her to come to me or I make unassuming statements that give her the opportunity to decide if she thinks she should open up to me. Obviously if she got into something like meth the situation would be different, but in the case of things like weed or vaping I focus on topics that let her feel in control of her life because the point of parenting is imo to teach our kids to handle themselves when we're gone. For example, when she went through a weed phase I focused on noticing her grades had been slipping while stressing that I wouldn't be worrying if that hadn't been the case. The result is that she still smokes weed sometimes with friends but she's made a point to bring her grades up because she thinks it'll curb my concerns and convince me to give her more agency (which I do). To her credit, she seems to genuinely be trying to balance her peer group against the pressures I push on her and so as long as I don't think she's on a path that's destructive in the long haul I try to respect her choices.

Focusing on things like social trends or teen-tech is the wrong angle imo because the truth is that money is freedom and money comes from carefully considered action. Kids make mistakes and get hurt in hard ways sometimes, I hate that but it's the world we live in. So as long as my kid is chasing money and grades I don't mind giving her the freedom to make mistakes and get hurt (even if I hate it).