There is nothing from evolutionary point of view more important than having children. It would be highly unusual if nature didn't make that experience overall speaking as one of best things in life.
And yet, all the studies of people with children show that they make you less happy, while they are around, although more happy later in later, presumably once they have moved out. Years of relief built up I guess (just kidding, more likely the benefits of having an extended close family when you are older).
Speaking for myself, I know that I would hate to have my freedom taken away by having children. I also know that my sister, who has a four year old and a one year old, has been miserable and exhausted for much of the last four years.
I'm curious about these studies, how they measure happiness, and the possible confounding factors. I was really happy before kid (singular), and I'm still really happy. Happier, I think, then I would have been otherwise? I don't really know how to measure that.
As a not-yet-made-it startup guy it definitely feels like playing on "expert mode". But with a supportive partner and some careful life choices, it feels pretty good. It helps that my cofounder has a kid almost the same age as mine, and we've been going through this together.
Being a parent with two small kids in a foreign country and no family support (plus, you know, the usual global pandemic), it has definitely been the worse experience of my life.
My wife doesn't work, money is not a problem but the lack of sleep and freedom to do a lot of things is hard to swallow.
Nature plays a big role in it: I really felt like having kids (which surprised me) and I sure will do everything I can to protect them, but my life is a constant fight with depression.
There is probably the opposite mechanism at play: having invested years of pain in them, you value your kids the more time passes.
I'm sure things will improve once they're 4-5 and they're a bit better behaved / we can start sleeping again / we can start having some time for ourselves as well.
esperent|5 years ago
Speaking for myself, I know that I would hate to have my freedom taken away by having children. I also know that my sister, who has a four year old and a one year old, has been miserable and exhausted for much of the last four years.
davidhegarty|5 years ago
I cannot accurately describe the joy that fatherhood brings me.... despite the reduced sleep and increased stress.
By a magnitude of 10x, Fatherhood has surpassed anything i have experienced prior.
stickfigure|5 years ago
As a not-yet-made-it startup guy it definitely feels like playing on "expert mode". But with a supportive partner and some careful life choices, it feels pretty good. It helps that my cofounder has a kid almost the same age as mine, and we've been going through this together.
ALittleLight|5 years ago
If you could choose between a future where your happiness doubled but one of your loved ones died, or the unadjusted future, which would you prefer?
jokethrowaway|5 years ago
Nature plays a big role in it: I really felt like having kids (which surprised me) and I sure will do everything I can to protect them, but my life is a constant fight with depression.
There is probably the opposite mechanism at play: having invested years of pain in them, you value your kids the more time passes.
I'm sure things will improve once they're 4-5 and they're a bit better behaved / we can start sleeping again / we can start having some time for ourselves as well.