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dhaivat | 5 years ago

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can.

If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255's the number for National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And remember - this too shall pass, there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it.

Take care and happy holidays!

discuss

order

donretag|5 years ago

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it."

As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

cubano|5 years ago

Like what in life that's worth a shit don't take some effort?

Being lonely sucks yeah...but take at least a bit of responsibility for it and realize that people make major changes in their lives every-damn-day.

Heroin addicts get clean EVERYDAY...you think being lonely is worse than kicking that shit? Guess what...you're wrong if you do.

Take small steps. Smile more. Be interested in others. You can do it for sure.

toyg|5 years ago

Don't be so downbeat. A lot of execs really hate remote working, they are people-persons who thrive on conviviality. They will soon push again to have proper offices. You'll be laughing at all this in 2022.

dhnajsjdnd|5 years ago

I recently did the software engineer job search thing and most of the companies said I’d be required to work to the office when the pandemic is over.

em-bee|5 years ago

most of my friends i made past 30. it's just like doreen said here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25533168 it's about finding groups with common interest.

contributing to FOSS is a good place to make friends. other forms of volunteering too.

the difficulty is to do that without having 'to make friends' as the primary goal. that just makes you impatient because not every contact will turn into a friend.

to approach the office work problem, try finding people who would like to share a video connection while working. there are websites to facilitate that.

another way is mentoring. find juniors in your field, and guide them with your experience. i made a bunch of friends as a gsoc mentor and elsewhere.

any hobbies that you might have often also have online communities. join them.

post your interests right here. someone might respond.

as someone else here said, the light at the end of the tunnel is you. put up that light and use it to find friends

karlzt|5 years ago

You should probably rethink what your industry is :).

spondyl|5 years ago

In a similar but less urgent vein, if you're having a quiet holiday much like myself but could do with a(n asynchronous) chat, feel free to send anything through to the email listed on my profile.

Likewise, I'm sure other HNers may like to announce as such but just need a little nudge :)

---

I'm sure plenty of bios have contact invitations but us humans are pretty bad at the idea of cold calling strangers

I sort of wish there was a service for internet pen pals where the emails were purposely delayed come to think of it

ketanmaheshwari|5 years ago

Ditto. I too am available to chat / talk / zoom. My email is on file.

riku_iki|5 years ago

Someone should create hacker news discord server..

tonymet|5 years ago

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

hiddencost|5 years ago

I've volunteered fairly regularly on one of the member hotlines, and have personally attempted suicide.

Out of 1000 calls I had one person attempt, maybe 10 people decide not to attempt, and the rest were just people who were anxious or sad or scared and were having thoughts.

There's a very broad spectrum, and for someone who is hopeless or just lonely and sad, talking to a caring human who listens and is comfortable with your pain does help, yes.

For people in a crisis, having someone calm who can talk through what's happening without panicking helps, yes.

I'm curious where you're coming from on this, as I don't understand the perspective behind your comment.

warent|5 years ago

When I was a younger going through a very painful time there was a brief period of suicidal ideation and the suicide hotline would have been a very useful resource for me. I didn't know about it at the time, so I just called 911, and they were very kind to me but their response was absolutely awful. It was pretty clear they weren't trained for such conversations, and just send the police to pick me up. The police! Fortunately at the time I just needed anybody in the world to show that they didn't want me to die, and that was just enough. But the hotline probably would have been more effective and not ended in me in a police cruiser.

nom|5 years ago

Having met several people taking calls on similar numbers (in European countries though) and also called a few times myself, I can tell you: They help more than you can imagine.

Most callers are not suicidal, they just need someone empathetic they can talk to. 'Suicide hotline' is just one of the few keywords that are very effective, it catches people in their most vulnerable state right before it's too late for help. Type 'suicide' into google and they show you a number above all results.

To everyone who doesn't have a support structure, please just search for 'suicide/depression/anxiety/* hotline' in your language. You most likely will find someone who will talk to you for an hour at 4am. Don't feel bad about it, you are not bothering anyone, they often do it voluntarily and just want to help others.

tw25532050|5 years ago

It might help folks that can be helped by talking to someone. For someone like me, it would only make me feel bad, like I'm burdening someone else with the knowledge that I'm going to end my life; I know they won't be able to "talk me out of it".

I have no friends, no family, nor any coworkers since July. No one will notice me being dead then any more than they notice me being absent now. When the money runs out, I have the nitrogen tank ready to go.

Life isn't for everyone.

kodah|5 years ago

I have not used this number and sometimes when these kind of numbers are included in news pieces I have a big eye roll due to it looking like a rubber stamp. That said, I'm part of other groups that are certainly in on-going crises and I'd love to see our resources plastered everywhere, sincerity or not. At the very least it makes some people stop and think, some may donate, some may volunteer. That's worth my eye rolls.

ineedasername|5 years ago

If it trivializes suicide, that just means more people might call. But the same core of people that try need help will still be among them. Out of the countless people in distress that might attempt or succeed in suicide, there is a subset that are on that edge where they're looking for that last bit of help, wanting to try a last hope before taking an irrevocable step.

To be sure, by itself it is not nearly as effective as more personal and substantial interventions, but that is not it's purpose either. It is not there for treatment, it's there to help stabilize an emotional state enough to convince the person to seek those more substantial interventions.

systemvoltage|5 years ago

People who comment and provide whatever help they can - they're not doing this out of malice. They have good intentions. Whether it helps or not - people in trouble have the choice to accept the consolation or ignore it.

dhaivat|5 years ago

It might, even if one out of thousand who use it, I’d say it is worth it. A simple act of talking to someone is enough to walk someone off the metaphorical and literal ledge. That one call can lead to long term therapy and counseling. I know where you are coming from - it feels like a drive by post with a phone number.. but I really don’t have any other options to offer.

watwut|5 years ago

Afaik, number of suicides went down and number of calls went up when they first time started to put that thing under articles about suicide.

DanBC|5 years ago

If people just want a chat there's a Twitter thing called #JoinIn.

People get together for informal chats on Christmas day. It has a UK focus, which affects the times it'll be busiest.

goldenkey|5 years ago

Honestly, most of those of us who are lonely also hate corniness and artifice. And that sounds like both.

spzb|5 years ago

UK and European Union phone 116123

tonymet|5 years ago

It’s like the “thoughts and prayers “ cliche – something that sounds nice but lacks meaning

gerdesj|5 years ago

No, this is not a simple "thoughts and prayers" thing. This is a national helpline that saves lives.

I have family members that have been Samaritans (UK helpline) that have helped people. It's a bit like fight club and the first rule is ...

Actually it is rather more important than fight club: I know that Sammies never, ever discuss anything they are told in confidence - that is a point of honour and practice.

doliveira|5 years ago

Thoughts and prayers is literally doing nothing, though. Not comparable at all