[benkuhn]

I think you took me to be arguing for a stronger claim than I actually was. My preferred paradigm is also roughly “idiomatic go or rust.” But the OP isn’t arguing for idiomatic-go-or-rust, as far as I can tell they’re arguing against ever using methods or virtual dispatch (which are core features of both of those languages)! My claim is that the OP’s diagnosis of the problem—“virtual dispatch causes your code to be confusing, get rid of it”—is incorrect.

[GolDDranks]

The style OP is advocating lines well with Rust at least. Rust still tends to use method syntax, but it is very strict around mutability and virtual dispatch is rarely used, so you tend to write your programs with similar flavor as the OP is arguing for.