I think this is how you get highly superficial people with layers that don't make sense stacked on top of each other.
I've done this. Don't waste your time. If you'd like to do this in a real way, identify the values in the other person that lead to that trait. Then compare it to your values. Then pretend you're doing it and see what fears come up along the way. Talk to your fears about it and see if there's a way around it -- your fears are a part of you after all. And they're very much able to engage in conversation if you push a little consciousness their way and bring them to more of a conversational and not trauma-time-all-the-time kind of place.
The first approach may seem to work at first and will get you near and close, but not truly intimate with people. It's the loneliest kind of isolation and misery possible -- thinking you're the person that you've aspired to be, but still missing everything.
Learn from my mistakes on this one and please, I'd absolutely encourage that you avoid the author's advice too, if you can help it! :)))) Real and silly > perfect and pristine, any day, not matter what or how the opinions of others strike us (much to the despair of the parts of us that deeply rely on others and the opinions of others for our own self-worth).
Trying to cargo cult your way into being just like someone else is destined to fail.
However, there's nothing wrong with genuinely following in the footsteps of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve.
A good example is fitness: If you see a fit person, you can't simply capture the benefits of being fit by drinking the same brand of protein shakes they drink. You have to also do the work, going to the gym regularly and making fitness a priority in your life. Seeing that person as an inspiration can be a healthy way to pave the way to better habits, but it's still up to you to do the work and earn it.
This reminds me of the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck" by Mark Manson. The distinction between behaviors and values is one of the central points that book conveys. Despite being quite introspective myself, I found a lot of inspiring new personal truths in what the author points out (and it was neither as gratuitously profane nor nearly as single-minded as the title might suggest).
From a New Yorker article about another Chinese proverb， 邯郸学步：
"One of the best known is “Handan xue bu” (“learning to walk in Handan”), which refers to the story of a young man from the provinces who hears that the people of Handan are so sophisticated that they walk in a special way. He goes to Handan to learn, but, years later, he still hasn’t mastered the gait. Dejected, he heads home. He finds that he can’t remember his own way of walking, and has to crawl. The moral: don’t copy others, or you’ll lose yourself."
That was my thought as well after reading the first comment on this page, about identifying the roots of these traits and about avoiding superficial copies.
It is important to try to be yourself, know your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Because if you don't and blindly try to copy others' qualities, you are likely to have a wrong and superficial understanding of the way these traits are acquired. Due to the superficial understanding, the attempt to copy the traits is likely to fail in some cases, and get you crawling desperate about how you could not achieve your target.
Naturally, there is truth on both sides. Maybe the piece advice should have been: *be attentive* to remarkable traits in people around you, then *be inspired* by their good traits and try to avoid replicating their bad traits. The important parts are the self-consciousness and the effort to improve oneself.
Author here. Wow this got a lot more attention than I had expected. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, including critical ones.
The point about not being superficial/artificial and instead "just being yourself" sounds fair. To clarify, the copying/imitating I was referring to was much closer to the "imitate, then innovate" sense. That is, even if you make the best attempt to copy someone you admire, you end up with a mutated copy that is uniquely yours (because of your biases and life experience).
And to the point about it being shallow and simplistic — I agree, and the brevity was intentional. I treat this a mental model that is not universally correct, but is sometimes useful. To make sense of the world, I would use an ensemble of these models.
Sometimes this trait turns out to be "spent a significant percentage of their life thinking about and doing a particular thing". Copying it tends to require a similar time investment, in my experience.
So I've determined Einstein had the remarkable trait of mathematical and physical intuituon. Also Pavarotti had a remarkable ability to sing. Now all I have to do is copy them, sweet.
It would help if the author gave some more concrete explanation because otherwise this seems like really bad advice.
Things are really just not that simple. You can't for example look at someone and say "Wow, they're really compassionate" and decide that you're going to be compassionate too, if you aren't already. It took a series of experiences, not to mention some mix of biological predisposition, to instill that trait.
Attempting this strategy will just result in a series of shallow parroted behaviors that could actually risk alienating people who end up seeing you as insincere and lacking substance or "courage of your convictions". Traits aren't simply chosen, they are arrived at as the on-going result of an endless process.
Steal Like An Artist bypasses all the middle-brow arguments about superficial copying versus deep understanding. You can attempt to learn from the comments here but the faster way is reading that book.
Perfectly captures the philosophy, very short, and recommended by many.
Not sure if I follow the conclusion. The first half (copy it) makes sense -- the things that most keep me alive as a creator are constantly learning and selectively taking the parts I like from new trends and integrating them into my toolbox.
But the latter point (avoid it) is pretty dangerous, in my opinion. I used to do that, and it resulted in me missing the boat in some really retrospectively stupid ways. Instead, I take a more neutral wait and see approach for most things, reserving my avoidance for things I can tell are wrong.
Neutrality is important. Giving new ideas which aren't fully formed the space to breathe is a key part of any kind of innovation process. Prematurely abridging that in one direction or another can cause unforced errors. That doesn't mean you have to move slowly when you /do/ know. But it does mean that you should be cautious about trying to compress parts of the process which are fundamentally incompressible.
I now truly believe that you can not know if a trait is good or bad.
Based on your previous experiences, knowledge and views of the world you might view a trait as bad or good.
Look at the exact same trait 10 years for now and you might realize that now you view it as opposite.
For example the hustle mentality: you see someone who manages to work 12hours per day and be very productive and you might think WOW, that is a good trait, I want that. Then you might later realize that life is not all about working, and that having difference experiences and enjoying life might be a better trait.
I think it is important to have an open mind and realize anyone can teach you something. However the way the author positions people and relationships seems to commodify people.
'The Master said, "When I walk along with two others, they may serve me as my teachers. I will select their good qualities and follow them, their bad qualities and avoid them.'
Just googling for that proverb gave me a translation that makes much more sense. I don't think Confucius would imitate....
I think what everybody is missing in this post, is that is much less about copying and much more about OBSERVING. If you can see what you want to be, you are that much closer to actually being it. The observation is not just a property of the other but yourself.
I like to think of people's traits as immutable, environment somewhat mutable, patterns of behaviour as mutable and thought patterns as most mutable of all.
Folks who don't recognize this hierarchy and only try to change matters on one or two of the levels are often setting themselves up for limited success or failure.
It does make for a great self help industry however - telling people they can be so much more, if only they just control those thought patterns via meditation apps, 'clean their room' via Jordan Peterson, etc :)
One doesn’t simply copy traits. Actions are often driven subconsciously by emotions and it’s not always a case of choice. It can take ages to learn and rewire your brain.
Is it easy to even identify a remarkable trait, let alone copy it? Here, try this: tell me what's remarkable about warren buffett and then what I should copy?
Also, characteristics, not traits? Lastly, this is a very strange (to me) ethic to advocate when viewed through the lens of individualism. Is the idea here self improvement?
It seems remarkable that a short post with a shallow opinion, which only serves to confuse people who do not have a good grasp of themselves and others, is getting so much traction here.
I've found this happened naturally for me in terms of smaller mannerisms and phrases or silly voices. Nothing load bearing, mind. That's all hard work and self discovery.
tbalsam|5 years ago
I've done this. Don't waste your time. If you'd like to do this in a real way, identify the values in the other person that lead to that trait. Then compare it to your values. Then pretend you're doing it and see what fears come up along the way. Talk to your fears about it and see if there's a way around it -- your fears are a part of you after all. And they're very much able to engage in conversation if you push a little consciousness their way and bring them to more of a conversational and not trauma-time-all-the-time kind of place.
The first approach may seem to work at first and will get you near and close, but not truly intimate with people. It's the loneliest kind of isolation and misery possible -- thinking you're the person that you've aspired to be, but still missing everything.
Learn from my mistakes on this one and please, I'd absolutely encourage that you avoid the author's advice too, if you can help it! :)))) Real and silly > perfect and pristine, any day, not matter what or how the opinions of others strike us (much to the despair of the parts of us that deeply rely on others and the opinions of others for our own self-worth).
Just my two cents! :D :))))
PragmaticPulp|5 years ago
However, there's nothing wrong with genuinely following in the footsteps of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve.
A good example is fitness: If you see a fit person, you can't simply capture the benefits of being fit by drinking the same brand of protein shakes they drink. You have to also do the work, going to the gym regularly and making fitness a priority in your life. Seeing that person as an inspiration can be a healthy way to pave the way to better habits, but it's still up to you to do the work and earn it.
MauranKilom|5 years ago
m463|5 years ago
suifbwish|5 years ago
rahimnathwani|5 years ago
"One of the best known is “Handan xue bu” (“learning to walk in Handan”), which refers to the story of a young man from the provinces who hears that the people of Handan are so sophisticated that they walk in a special way. He goes to Handan to learn, but, years later, he still hasn’t mastered the gait. Dejected, he heads home. He finds that he can’t remember his own way of walking, and has to crawl. The moral: don’t copy others, or you’ll lose yourself."
m463|5 years ago
"All my life I wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
woko|5 years ago
It is important to try to be yourself, know your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Because if you don't and blindly try to copy others' qualities, you are likely to have a wrong and superficial understanding of the way these traits are acquired. Due to the superficial understanding, the attempt to copy the traits is likely to fail in some cases, and get you crawling desperate about how you could not achieve your target.
Naturally, there is truth on both sides. Maybe the piece advice should have been: *be attentive* to remarkable traits in people around you, then *be inspired* by their good traits and try to avoid replicating their bad traits. The important parts are the self-consciousness and the effort to improve oneself.
peterlk|5 years ago
The relevant quote (and my favorite quote from it) is:
> Stop trying to be Mark Zuckerberg, because the best you can possibly do is second place.
laybak|5 years ago
The point about not being superficial/artificial and instead "just being yourself" sounds fair. To clarify, the copying/imitating I was referring to was much closer to the "imitate, then innovate" sense. That is, even if you make the best attempt to copy someone you admire, you end up with a mutated copy that is uniquely yours (because of your biases and life experience).
And to the point about it being shallow and simplistic — I agree, and the brevity was intentional. I treat this a mental model that is not universally correct, but is sometimes useful. To make sense of the world, I would use an ensemble of these models.
And I love the quotes in the comments!
tonymet|5 years ago
egypturnash|5 years ago
eloop|5 years ago
Hjfrf|5 years ago
d23|5 years ago
laybak|5 years ago
ineedasername|5 years ago
Things are really just not that simple. You can't for example look at someone and say "Wow, they're really compassionate" and decide that you're going to be compassionate too, if you aren't already. It took a series of experiences, not to mention some mix of biological predisposition, to instill that trait.
Attempting this strategy will just result in a series of shallow parroted behaviors that could actually risk alienating people who end up seeing you as insincere and lacking substance or "courage of your convictions". Traits aren't simply chosen, they are arrived at as the on-going result of an endless process.
renewiltord|5 years ago
Perfectly captures the philosophy, very short, and recommended by many.
runawaybottle|5 years ago
MrDrDr|5 years ago
yowlingcat|5 years ago
But the latter point (avoid it) is pretty dangerous, in my opinion. I used to do that, and it resulted in me missing the boat in some really retrospectively stupid ways. Instead, I take a more neutral wait and see approach for most things, reserving my avoidance for things I can tell are wrong.
Neutrality is important. Giving new ideas which aren't fully formed the space to breathe is a key part of any kind of innovation process. Prematurely abridging that in one direction or another can cause unforced errors. That doesn't mean you have to move slowly when you /do/ know. But it does mean that you should be cautious about trying to compress parts of the process which are fundamentally incompressible.
XCSme|5 years ago
Based on your previous experiences, knowledge and views of the world you might view a trait as bad or good.
Look at the exact same trait 10 years for now and you might realize that now you view it as opposite.
For example the hustle mentality: you see someone who manages to work 12hours per day and be very productive and you might think WOW, that is a good trait, I want that. Then you might later realize that life is not all about working, and that having difference experiences and enjoying life might be a better trait.
bittercynic|5 years ago
Scims|5 years ago
nom|5 years ago
Just googling for that proverb gave me a translation that makes much more sense. I don't think Confucius would imitate....
darkerside|5 years ago
jedisct1|5 years ago
alexashka|5 years ago
Folks who don't recognize this hierarchy and only try to change matters on one or two of the levels are often setting themselves up for limited success or failure.
It does make for a great self help industry however - telling people they can be so much more, if only they just control those thought patterns via meditation apps, 'clean their room' via Jordan Peterson, etc :)
pruski|5 years ago
interdrift|5 years ago
amelius|5 years ago
gjvc|5 years ago
1) Fall in with a good crowd.
2) We all have a friend we shouldn't have and who is best avoided.
getlawgdon|5 years ago
hmwhy|5 years ago
Note to self: avoid it.
grenoire|5 years ago
Be yourself, not the idea of somebody else.
unknown|5 years ago
[deleted]
kleer001|5 years ago
unknown|5 years ago
[deleted]
david-cako|5 years ago