"Male" and "female" sound clinical; they're terms you apply to animals. When applied to humans, not only does it sound demeaning, but it sounds deliberate -- as if trying to present a false objectivity.
If nothing else, note that words do have shades of meaning. Even if you don't know what they are, you should assume that people "making a big deal" out of it are being honest about it. If you start with the assumption that they're doing so just to hurt you, then that relationship is in a dangerous place before you've even begun it.
They may not even be able to explain why they think the word is a problem. They mostly just know that they've heard the word before in unpleasant contexts. Look up any incel group and you'll hear them talk about "females" in a derogatory way, presenting them as the enemy -- as a separate group to be treated with distance. People know what words are used by people who dislike them, and that taints those words in other contexts.
So whether you get it or not, just trust that they do. Use the words they prefer, and avoid the ones they don't. It's just friendly and polite. If corrected say, "Oops, I didn't mean to do that," and then move on with the word they've asked for. It doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't make it a big deal; it can be over with just a quick change. It becomes hostile if you assume it's hostile.
jfengel|4 years ago
If nothing else, note that words do have shades of meaning. Even if you don't know what they are, you should assume that people "making a big deal" out of it are being honest about it. If you start with the assumption that they're doing so just to hurt you, then that relationship is in a dangerous place before you've even begun it.
They may not even be able to explain why they think the word is a problem. They mostly just know that they've heard the word before in unpleasant contexts. Look up any incel group and you'll hear them talk about "females" in a derogatory way, presenting them as the enemy -- as a separate group to be treated with distance. People know what words are used by people who dislike them, and that taints those words in other contexts.
So whether you get it or not, just trust that they do. Use the words they prefer, and avoid the ones they don't. It's just friendly and polite. If corrected say, "Oops, I didn't mean to do that," and then move on with the word they've asked for. It doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't make it a big deal; it can be over with just a quick change. It becomes hostile if you assume it's hostile.