[jeffyang]

It seems like you feel that you being open and friendly has hurt your chances at promotions/raises and then when you try to correct for that it also hurts your chances.

Instead of guessing if acting a certain way will get you a promotion, what you need to do is work with your manager to come up with a concrete plan with concrete steps to get promoted. Figure out exactly what criteria your manager is looking for and make sure you are learning how to do that, and whenever you make progress make sure your manager agrees with your own assessment of your progress. And if they don't agree, learn exactly why. Get it so clear that there is no hand waving or hiding behind excuses.

I am extremely open and friendly and I have had no problems getting promoted. On the other hand, at the beginning of my career I never got promoted despite being the best performer on every team I was on. Then one manager who noticed me started talking to me about what I needed to do to get promoted. Spoiler: It's not just technical skill. All of a sudden, my career took off like a rocket ship. Ever since then I've been the one who started the career conversations with my manager because I realized that I am the one in charge of my career and I don't want to rely on the competence of whomever I work for. I definitely wish I learned this lesson earlier, but I'm also happy that I learned it at all.