[gbog]

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks.

I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries).

I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hands (Unrelated to any ongoing pandemic.) I think it is the same in Japan, Korea, India, Pakistan, Indonesia, etc. Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life.

[coldtea]

>I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids.

And you'd be wrong. Hugging might not be big in your parts, but is a part of many cultures all around the world. Hardly a 5% rarity.

>Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life.

Nor do norms in a few countries.

I've travelled extensively, and I not sure where you got the idea that hugs are something only/mainly happening "between stars at international movie festivals".

From what I see "In traditional Chinese culture, hugging is not acceptable, particularly between people of the opposite sex. As Yang Chunmei, a professor at Qufu Normal University, has written, "public displays of affection are a source of embarrassment." Even among spouses, hugging, kissing, or holding hands in public is odd.".

But that's not universal. And even in China it apparently changes, if we're to believe this article:

https://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/07/more-hugs-pl...

[Baeocystin]

I've lived all over the place, and spent my childhood in SE Asia. While aspects of the respective cultures are more reserved about PDAs than the US, hugs were commonplace between friends and family of all ages, not just kids or spouses, pretty much everywhere. Some people don't like it, and that's fine and should be respected. But as far as I experienced, both personally and by observation, the majority do.

[gbog]

Maybe I was wrong but what I understand by "hug" is the fact to hold someone chest to chest, arms on the back of each other. I do not mean kids being held in the arms of their parents or lovers loving each other, or people holding hands or anything else. Then I maintain that this activity is reserved to very rare occasions, usually reserved to extreme emotion peaks, for instance at a burial of a close friend's relative, or when the national sports team win the gold.

To me, when meeting a friend or colleague at the first of the day, each culture has its own "hello sign" system, for French people it can be the kiss on the cheek or hand shaking (with many variants), for Chinese people it is a look in the eyes and "hi" with the hand or "吃了没?", for many other people (Germans?) it is purely hand shaking, and as far as I can guess the "hello = hug" is common in the USA.

I still do not think this "hello = hug" is universal or even the behavior of above 10% of the humans. I think most americans might believe it is nearly universal and always acceptable because nobody dares refusing the hug when they do it. It is actually very hard to stop a coming hug without becoming the very bad cold blooded person that has no feeling at all for others (personal experience here).

[Etheryte]

Your experience and perspective on life is not universal and I wouldn't be so quick to generalize. I've had the luck of travelling a fair bit in my life and I would say hugging is common in many cultures, family ties or not. For context I'm not from North America.

[lelandfe]

Yep - every culture (and even family) is different. Heck, I have a close Hong Konger friend who is one of the most physically affectionate people I’ve ever met

[bedobi]

While it goes without saying that wishes not to be hugged should be respected, and cultural norms differ, and the Western way of doing things is not the "correct" way that should be forced unto others

in the case of hugging

I can't help but think that the absence of hugging (romantic or casual friendly etc) and handshaking (formal or casual high fives etc) really is sad and really DOES rob people in China, Korea, Japan etc of one of life's simple pleasures and high points of the day

I too like you am a European who spent many years in East Asia (Japan, but I have many Korean and Chinese friends and have visited those countries too) and while I definitely had some uncomfortable hugs and handshakes, overwhelmingly, a good hug or handshake would produce big grins, squeals of joy, instant warmth and connection etc etc, irrespective of gender, age, whether between friends or complete strangers - despite language and cultural barriers.

Without exaggerating, sometimes it's almost as if you're allowing someone to experience something they've been denied their whole life and people just gobble it up and look like they've had an epiphany or something.

In case it seems like I'm just making this up in my own mind, I don't think so, because many, many people have told me that the rigid norms banning most types of affection from public life, and even in the home, is one of their pet peeves about their own culture and society.

Maybe there is some selection bias in that foreigners tend to be surrounded by people who are OK with or interested in or prefer the foreign way of doing things, but I don't think so either, I lived in an area with very few if any foreigners and have many friends who don't speak English and don't have much if any interest in going abroad etc, and they would still say the same thing.

I'm acutely aware of how cringe the above might sound but rest assured it's not because I think I'm some hot or cool guy or whatever. Just a human being who likes hugs and handshakes. Each to their own and YMMV!

[majkinetor]

Hugging complete strangers.... that is strange really. Why would you do that.

At least you should hang out a day or two...

[ChrisRR]

It's definitely cultural, I'm in the UK and I hug my friends when I'm saying hello or goodbye, but kissing on the cheek feels like something that old women do

[Terry_Roll]

The UK "hug" is this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxwHL0ObnaE

and this is it in operation in a social setting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGCK_9AJNL8

[michaelbrooks]

I'm also from the UK, and I do enjoy a hug, but some of my friends really don't like them. If I'm hugging a woman, and they lean their cheek into me, then I will give them a kiss on it. However, it can have some very awkward and funny moments.

[majkinetor]

In Serbia, man hug other man friends, and then man kiss to cheek woman friends.

Sometimes man kiss man on the cheek but its mostly considered a joke.

There is also religious 3 times to the cheek, I am gonna ignore that since everybody do it. That kiss is almost non existent tho, its more of a gesture.

[LilBytes]

Same here.

[distantaidenn]

I live in Japan, but lived in South Korea as well. I have to say, I have never seen so many public displays of affection as I did in South Korea (and I'm an American). Matching clothes -- down to the shoes, hugging, hand holding, piggyback rides, and on more than one occasion a loud lover's quarrel. Take from that what you will.

Another interesting thing I noticed about physical touch in Korea is that the culture doesn't seem to have the same hangups America does about two heterosexual male friends touching. School kids holding hands as they walk together, and guys in their twenties resting their heads in their friends lap as they lounge at the park. It was refreshing and enlightening.

[Vinnl]

I'm in the Netherlands, which is pretty close to France. Among younger age groups, hugging among friends is very common (and instead, kissing on the cheeks, especially between men, feels very intrusive).

Which is to say: don't be too quick to generalise.

[laurent92]

In France we kiss.

In Australia we hug. I discovered it the hard way.

When a girl walks up to you, at work in causal work situations, in France you start a kiss on the face. But in Australia she walks 20cm closer and the kiss lands in the neck, and it’s a very, very awkward moment.

(Fortunately she accepted my deep excuses while I babbled to explain what had just happened).

[potamic]

I have seen toddlers try to hug people. They run up, wrap their arms around your legs, whatever they can reach in a visibly affectionate way. Not sure if it's their intention to hug but definitely surprising in a culture where there's absolutely no hugging.

[bregma]

Amen friend. Please keep out of my personal space.

I'm fine with a good handshake in a professional setting to seal a contract. Shows peaceful intent to respect boundaries. Anything else is a rude intrusion and you're just trying to touch me for your own personal satisfaction. That makes you pretty creepy.

[majkinetor]

Too bad.

You must be having congenitally low levels of “cuddle hormone” :)

[bobsmooth]

Do you at least give side hugs to your friends?