[tidbits]

I read this whole thread and your responses remind me of myself earlier this year. I dont have anything new to add, but I would like to repeat what others have said that worked for me: see a therapist, change up your environment, and come up with some long term goals. Seeing a therapist helped me identify cognitive distortions (look it up) that were problematic for me. Therapist taught me how to identify negative thoughts and behaviors through various journaling methods. Turns out negative thoughts and behaviors lead to negative emotions. I was also fortunate enough to be able to crash at my parents for a month. The change in environment was monumental in helping me break out of the negative spiral. It also helped me realize how much I love my family and gave me a long term goal to help my parents finish paying off their house. That goal drives me every day to work hard on my career and my health so that I'm around to see it achieved. I think most people see children the same way. I talked to my dad a lot about life during that month and he confirmed that was the case for him. Which is impressive considering he grew up poor, one of 12 kids, to an alcoholic father and uneducated mother in Mexico. Personally, kids arent for me, but it just highlights the human need for purpose, whatever that may be. I hope you find some meaning for your life, it's hard. Really hard. But it gets easier, just gotta keep at it :)