[jplr8922]

By trying to bond with people on an emotional level rather than an intellectual one.

After all, do you want to *be right*, or do you want to connect? At some point I realized that it made no sense to complain about loneliness because I am a brainy type AND simultaneously refuse to engage with other's emotions because they are not brainy as I am.

The book which helped me the most is *non violent communication*. Its like an universal protocol, but still filter the bullshit.

edit: Of course, as other said, growing out of your mental tendency takes years and is still a work in progress. But with this type of thing the way is the destination.

[czbond]

I do think there is a space in between.

Yes, connecting with most people is hard because many can be feelers, highly emotional, dramatic, irrational..... we're in different universes. I look at them as though they are as alien as they think I am. I, personally, cannot bond at an emotional level at all - and must bond by problem solving. I don't mesh with most - and frankly don't care.

Saying that, I've found that my best friends have been "intelligent feelers". They like that I can live in the future rather than the "now", think probabilistically, make decisions detached from emotion, and absorb information.

I like that they help me become a bit closer to human. To be more accepting of people, to lighten up, and to entertain wider swaths of humans silliness as normal.

What worked for me - is finding people that pass my "personal filter" and then solving some kind of issue with them. (crisis, family, work, charity, whatever)

[hnuser847]

> By trying to bond with people on an emotional level rather than an intellectual one.

Exactly, but doing so requires opening and up being vulnerable, which is very difficult and/or scary for some people. It took me years to realize that I needed to open up if I really wanted to connect with people and make friends. It's kind of funny when I think back on it. I was willing to take risks with my career and join early stage startups. I was willing to risk starting my own startup (which end up failing miserably). I was willing to take on risky hobbies like rock climbing and sailing, and I was willing to make some risky financial investments (that ended up doing pretty well). But through the majority of my 20s, the one thing I was NOT willing to risk EVER was being vulnerable, embarrassed, or rejected.

[racl101]

> it made no sense to complain about loneliness because I am a brainy type AND simultaneously refuse to engage with other's emotions because they are not brainy as I am.

Reminds me of a funny story years ago:

I remember talking to a guy at work who complained about girls avoiding him like the plague, and they only talked to him when they had to cause he was an IT guy.

But sure enough, if you observed him for a few minutes, it was exactly like that SNL skit with Jimmy Fallon, the guy would berate and/or belittle coworkers for not knowing about technology as much as he did, even though it's not really their job.

The guy pretty much dried up the vagina.

And the worst part is that I tried to explain it to him and he just could not comprehend with all his intelligence, the notion that talking down to people just isn't sexy.