> Why would I ever go to a woman for "emotional support"? Her lived experience and frame of reference will be so radically different from my own that her advice is unlikely to be applicable. When I need support, I call my guy friends with ("Hey, I haven't encountered this problem in my life before. I believe you had a similar scenario in the past. Suggestions?"), and they do the same.
Emotional support goes beyond advice and suggestions. In fact, for many people (including many men), advice is the least important part and often unwelcome at first. What people are looking for is empathy, being heard and validated. Therapists don't share the same lived experience as most of their clients, yet they can still be exceptionally skilled at providing emotional support.
>>> In fact, for many people (including many men), advice is the least important part and often unwelcome at first. What people are looking for is empathy, being heard and validated.
Maybe I'm just wired differently, but I usually come away a bit frustrated if I reach out to someone and the conversation is basically "I feel you and can commiserate. But I don't have any recommended actions."
In contrast, I had a former roommate who would point out: "See at Step 2? You messed up by taking Action X. Next time do Action Y, and follow up with Action Z at Step 3. That's how you avoid this problem." I don't always agree with his advice or conclusions, but he gives me something actionable, or at least something that triggers thinking through a modified solution to whatever problem I'm trying to overcome.
Firadeoclus|4 years ago
Emotional support goes beyond advice and suggestions. In fact, for many people (including many men), advice is the least important part and often unwelcome at first. What people are looking for is empathy, being heard and validated. Therapists don't share the same lived experience as most of their clients, yet they can still be exceptionally skilled at providing emotional support.
post_from_work|4 years ago
Maybe I'm just wired differently, but I usually come away a bit frustrated if I reach out to someone and the conversation is basically "I feel you and can commiserate. But I don't have any recommended actions."
In contrast, I had a former roommate who would point out: "See at Step 2? You messed up by taking Action X. Next time do Action Y, and follow up with Action Z at Step 3. That's how you avoid this problem." I don't always agree with his advice or conclusions, but he gives me something actionable, or at least something that triggers thinking through a modified solution to whatever problem I'm trying to overcome.