[owly]

LOL. Getting old is 35.

ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K.

Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and no limitations.

As others have wisely stated, health is paramount. Challenge yourself with a physical activity you’ve never done before. You’ll meet new people on the way.

Rethink work. List causes you truly believe in, then find an organization which aligns with one and apply for a job in your specialty to expand their reach. Work with purpose even if it’s only a year. Consider is a sabbatical if you need to frame it in a non committal way.

[altdataseller]

I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.

[altcognito]

He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it.

OP is not wrong. Time is running out. His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified.

Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the truly unsuccessful alike.

OP is also probably right, it's probably time to find a new passion, in tech or outside of tech. All of the other advice in this thread to really make sure you're focused on your health in all forms from this age forward is spot on.

[prometheon1]

I'm not saying this is the case here, but there have been occasions where I got all up in my head about my problems and someone laughing at me and telling me not to take my problems so seriously was the perfect way to stop worrying and focus on better things.

[sound1]

I thought the parent made an excellent point, and encouraged OP to try new things without hesitation because there wasn't much he was going to lose, and because he was in that condition because he wasn't trying out new things (meaning there no serious psychological issues with him). I would be glad to get his advice.

[ianai]

It reads like a humblebrag to me.

[bitxbitxbitcoin]

Is deserves the right word? I’d say he is entitled to feel that way - not that he deserves it since that implies causality and almost seems like victim blaming.

[dsugarman]

Your broader post shows that you actually care to someone soliciting feedback and I know you didn't solicit any yourself but I hope I could add some value. You're trying to give the gift of perspective but the tone is just awful to receive, their feelings are valid whether they has $5, $500k or $5M in the bank, it's just a feeling based on their own goals and perspective. You can build much better relationships and people will listen and respect you more if you lead with empathy. You can deliver a much more powerful message by saying "I know you feel inadequate today, I've felt that way too and it's really tough, but if you put things in perspective you are way ahead of your peers on things that really matter (money, life experiences, etc.)" That's what you were really saying anyway in the first 2 paragraphs.

[Scea91]

> That's what you were really saying anyway in the first 2 paragraphs.

Maybe it would be more effective but OP was not really saying the "I've felt that way too and it's really tough" part.

I have a problem with this 'lead with (fake) empathy' approach that at broader scale it makes it seem like EVERYONE has depression, imposter syndrome, etc.

There are many of us who are genuinely happy with where they are at life and it feels almost improper to share that publicly.

[clysm]

If you want anyone to take your advice, you should find a better opener than laughing at them and being dismissive.

[DougN7]

You make a good point, but I have to admit, as someone in my 50’s, I also chuckled that some thought they were old at 35. I guess time changes all of our perspectives a day at a time.

[Trasmatta]

Sometimes that type of response can actually be helpful at putting your current situation into perspective.

[pm90]

> my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat

100% agreed.

Unfortunately we live in bodies that were hardwired to live in a hierarchical tribe; our early life is also a lot of rat racing. Just step aside from that, and know this: you are special in your own way. There’s nobody that’s just like you.

Also to be clear, if you had accomplished more you would probably feel like that wasn’t good enough either. Accomplishments just don’t satisfy inner needs unless they’re something you genuinely deeply care about (and not just to measure up in society’s totem pole).

[bredren]

> Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K.

Perhaps it would start to have meaning if the money was taken away.

[drzaiusapelord]

Yep this. The average rate of return is 10% so this is someone who can make $50k a year just off this money alone. The real median wage in the USA for workers who worked full time in 2020 was $56k. This person has enough money to nearly replicate the financial success of your average American via a do-nothing secondary income. Your average American retires with only $200k saved up by age 65 as well. $500k is a lot of money and its bothersome that its being played up here as being unsuccessful.

This person is doing very, very well and I suspect "I only have half a million dollars sitting idly by" is a humble-brag as that is obviously a lot of money.

Also 35 isn't 65. This is the prime age for most business people, artists, writers, etc. This is typically a professional and creative peak that lasts, at least, another decade or so. A person this age often has the drive and vitality of youth but the wisdom of someone older. Its no wonder so many great works are created by people around this age.

I think this post says a lot about the demographic here who lean towards worshipping money to the point where having half a million is being "unsuccessful" and being merely 35 is being "old." Capitalism does a great job of making people feel bad about themselves because they arent mega millionaires and commercial media sells images of youth because promoting anti aging things like makeup, drugs, surgeries, fitness, etc is so profitable. Hiring managers also discriminate on age because working young and naive people like dogs and leading them to burn out is "good business sense," while dealing with an older person who knows this con and understands class struggle and the dishonesty of management and the perverse incentive profit demands is "bad business."

My advice is that forums are a very, very poor place to get therapy. Go see a professional if you feel depressed. Forums like these are just echo chambers full of people with similar unresolved issues or with coping mechanisms that aren't healthy. And egotists who just want to tell you their life story, knowing full well stories aren't healing because if they were, we could cure all our malaise with just biographies of people who struggle.

So, no "fitness" or "hobbies" or "kids"[1] isn't it, maybe some of those things is part of it, but there's a lot more a human being needs who has lost their way in an ultra capitalist and competitive society. Part of it is seeing the forest for the trees and a professional can help them get the rational self-awareness they seem to lack, as well as address their emotional issues.

[1] If you are not dying to have kids then you shouldn't not have kids. There is a lot of toxic advice here about having children to "fix" things. Children should not be born as a way to fix yourself. It is 100% valid to not want children. I say this as a parent. Its a grueling and hard life compared to not having children, and if you have difficulty in life and don't even want kids, do not have them. They will not magically suddenly fulfill you or make your life easier. In fact, in many ways they will make things much harder for you in literally every avenue in your life. The world does not need more unwanted children or children used a marriage or personal emotional fixers.

[Xenoamorphous]

> If you are not dying to have kids then you shouldn't not have kids. There is a lot of toxic advice here about having children to "fix" things. Children should not be born as a way to fix yourself. It is 100% valid to not want children. I say this as a parent. Its a grueling and hard life compared to not having children, and if you have difficulty in life and don't even want kids, do not have them. They will not magically suddenly fulfill you or make your life easier. In fact, in many ways they will make things much harder for you in literally every avenue in your life. The world does not need more unwanted children or children used a marriage or personal emotional fixers.

So much this. I’m horrified at the number of replies here touting kids as some magical fix for all problems. I became a dad in December after being in the fence for a few years preceded by several years of “no way I’m going to have kids”.

It’s pretty darn tough. My quality of life has declined very substantially, we’re mostly at home and go for a walk in the morning and another afternoon in a very small radius and in constant fear the baby might get fussy. We don’t go to watch a movie, or restaurant or to a bar. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol (not that I was getting drunk before, just tipsy) as I have a baby to hold and move around the house. Even taking a shit requires some planning. I work remotely and switched to part time (4 hours per day) as I can’t fathom placing all the burden on the mother (on top of breastfeeding which only she can do and it’s also very tough) and hiring a nanny in covid times is not an option, but it’s still hard.

And the constant worry if the baby is ok, are those noises during sleep normal? Is she regurgitating too much? What are those twitches, is she having spasms? Is she developing well physically and neurologically?

And I think I’m blessed with a “good” baby that sleeps quite well at night, waking only 2-3 times for feeding and falling asleep again shortly after.

I recognize some of these issues are probably due to being a first time dad and/or my personality, and also that hopefully it gets easier over time. By the way none of this means I regret it, but still: OP is in no way in the right mindset to have kids right now.

[Aidevah]

>Also 35 isn't 65. This is the prime age for most business people, artists, writers, etc. This is typically a professional and creative peak that lasts, at least, another decade or so. A person this age often has the drive and vitality of youth but the wisdom of someone older. Its no wonder so many great works are created by people around this age.

The age of 35 does represents an important milestone for many artists; it is the age when their creativity fades in both intensity and volume. What used to arrive almost spontaneously now requires hard and conscious works. This is the age where even Mozart needed to increasingly rely on sketches, and some of those who relied on their youthful facility, such as Rossini, simply quit composition altogether. On the other hand, someone like Beethoven who always struggled with composition from the beginning of his career probably did not notice this creative slump (Beethoven's crisis came later in his mid-40s).

This barrier to creativity that arrives in the mid-30s is especially evident in the Romantic artists, not just Wordsworth and Coleridge, but also Holderlin, Schlegel, Chateaubriand and Senancour. Charles Rosen speculates that is is because the inspiration for the Romantics was "drawn directly from memories of adolescence, and as these memories receded into the past their evocation became more and more artificial, or else the writer found himself with a fully developed manner and no content."[1] In this sense I do believe 35 is in some ways "old" as it represents a paradigm shift in one's approach to the creative arts, and maybe life itself.

[1] Romantic poets, Critics and Other Madmen, 1998

[tayo42]

Where are you getting 10% guaranteed a year?

[nprateem]

10%?! On what planet? Where are you investing to get that kind of return now?

[tomhoward]

Nowhere does this person say that they feel poor. If anything they are acknowledging they are well off, but wondering why they feel lost and unfulfilled in spite of their material prosperity. It's not exactly an unknown notion, that people can feel unhappy despite being financially and materially well-off.

[aiisjustanif]

Where did OP ever compare themselves to any but their younger self..?