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CrispinS | 3 years ago
Unfortunately true; I opened up a few times to different friends, and it never went well. But more people talking about it is the only way to change that, so thanks for posting!
I was in a similar situation as you; I remember once leaving work at noon claiming to feel sick, but actually it was because I couldn't think of anything except how I wanted to kill myself.
A couple years later, I'm still around, and here's what helped me:
* Bupropion, 150mg XL * Some basic understanding of CBT * Adderall
> The obvious solution to these problems are SSRIs and other anti-depressants. These drugs are very powerful but have really bad side-effects for most people that take them.
SSRI's definitely have an unsettlingly long list of side-effects, but keep in mind two things:
1. Not everyone experiences them; anecdotally, my sister started Prozac recently, and she's told me it's been great for her 2. If you do experience side effects you don't like, you can just... stop taking them. There's lot's of different SSRIs with different effects, and from what I've read it's common to cycle though a few before finding what works best.
Also, SSRIs are not the only option. As mentioned, I'm taking Bupropion, which has virtually no serious side effects. Look it up. And if you want to try it, you can just ask a doctor for it; tell them your concerns about SSRIs and just ask for Bupropion. No doctor is going to force you on SSRIs if you don't want them.
Side note: the XL version is the 24, slow release version. Works much better for me than the standard 4 hour tablets I started with.
On the topic of CBT, as others in this comment section have recommended, I read Feeling Good by David Burns, and it did help. It wasn't enough on its own, but a basic understanding of CBT goes a long way. The basic idea is training yourself to recognize bad thought patterns and taking action before they affect your mood. Honestly, it's stuff everyone could stand to learn.
Finally, I also figured out that I had ADHD. This was related to my depression because, frankly, it was depressing to struggle to accomplish the basic tasks other people seemed to have no trouble with. Especially noticeable as a programmer, where intensely focusing on a single thing for a long time is... basically the job description. Adderall has been a life changer for me.
> Have you been able to triumph without chemical assistance and what did that look like? Is my utter terror of these drugs warranted or should I just bite the bullet and try them?
I totally get the mindset of not wanting to take drugs. It feels like a crutch; something you shouldn't need to do. But eventually I realized that taking drugs daily wasn't any different than wearing glasses daily. I need the glasses to correct a biological defect with my eyes. I need the drugs to correct a biological defect with my brain. Humans are fragile, and a lot us aren't built to spec. The great thing about living in the modern world is that we can actually fix these problems.
YuriNiyazov|3 years ago