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French fighter jet joy ride goes très, très wrong (2020)

675 points| curmudgeon22 | 3 years ago |caranddriver.com | reply

226 comments

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[+] ChuckMcM|3 years ago|reply
Ouch! I'm glad the guy is okay, that could not have been "fun" given the description of the ejection.

In Sunnyvale they used to train Orion P3 crews at Moffett field. Of course Sunnyvale and the surrounding towns had a few military contractors doing RADAR development who did not have many military targets to paint, so when a P3 flew over it made for a good "real life" test.

On one such flight, the check pilot decided to "spice up" the newbie pilot's life as they returned to Moffett field by casually flicked on the RADAR threat detector. Sure enough, one of the contractor's search RADARs was 'pinging' them, but unexpectedly they were also testing a tracking RADAR which then subsequently got a good lock on the plane. That made the RADAR LOCK alarm go off in the cockpit and the trainee, as he was trained to do, immediately hit countermeasures without thinking. (That will save your life!)

The plane was on final approach to the field, and when it activated countermeasures it consisted of both chaff and IR flares (bits of magnesium, lit and cast to the side to distract heat seekers) These mostly landed on the Sunnyvale golf course which is in the approach path.

I used to play that course, and after this event there were a number of burn spots where the flares had landed and then burned out on the ground, and for probably two months there were bits of foil chaff that could be found in various nooks and crannies around the course!

[+] Diesel555|3 years ago|reply
> That made the RADAR LOCK alarm go off in the cockpit and the trainee, as he was trained to do, immediately hit countermeasures without thinking. (That will save your life!)

And this is why there are armament switching which you turn on only when you enter approved airspace to employ weapons / countermeasures and turn off when you leave (and vocalize on the radio to do so for the rest of the jets in the formation). Then pushing the button which releases weapons or countermeasures does nothing.

[+] kakwa_|3 years ago|reply
It reminds me of a similar story I heard a while ago. As in your story, some military contractors were testing a new radar system at the factory. And conveniently, the factory was near an international airport, so they were using the civilian traffic as targets. As these planes usually don't have threat detectors, they were completely unaware they were used as guinea pigs for this new radar.

That was until someone had the brilliant idea to test the radar on an El Al plane...

This must have scared the hell out of the Israeli pilots and it seems this created a small diplomatic incident.

[+] oconnor663|3 years ago|reply
> immediately hit countermeasures without thinking

Out of curiosity, if this is the doctrine, why doesn't the plane just fire countermeasures automatically?

[+] inamberclad|3 years ago|reply
Love those old stories. I've climbed through the P-3 on static display outside the ramp, and I wish they still flew more of them around there. I used to be friends with a guy at the local grocery store who was a P-3 mechanic.
[+] jacquesm|3 years ago|reply
The downsides of peer pressure. If you don't want to do a thing: don't.

I've been called some pretty bad names by captains of industry for not wanting to partake in their chosen 'team building exercises', not a team player and so on. My body, my rules and if you want to bond over kayaking, parachute jumping, alcohol, drugs or bearing your heart out to perfect strangers that's perfectly ok with me. But I will join if and only if I feel like it. And any kind of pressure is going to turn a 'maybe no' into 'definitely no'.

And that goes for backseat rides in fighter jets as well.

[+] Ecco|3 years ago|reply
The copy of this article is so good. The entire piece made me laugh so hard. Thanks for posting this!
[+] bonestamp2|3 years ago|reply
Agreed. The phrase, "al fresco fighter jet" is enough to consider reading this article if you haven't already.
[+] vinay427|3 years ago|reply
Most Car and Driver pieces, even the relatively objective car reviews, tend to be better than average in this regard, with more editorialized pieces especially entertaining. It’s one of the main reasons I subscribe to the physical magazine despite its very large proportion of advertising, which is at least somewhat offset by a low subscription price.
[+] BrentOzar|3 years ago|reply
The author, Ezra Dyer, does spectacular work. He’s written many, many other brilliant automotive pieces around the web.
[+] system2|3 years ago|reply
Came here to say this. After reading SEO riddled garbage for years, this was a pleasant surprise.
[+] curiousgal|3 years ago|reply
The French words every here and there were cringy though.
[+] jwmoz|3 years ago|reply
I really disliked the style, sounded amateur.
[+] itronitron|3 years ago|reply
Back in the early `90's there was a funny article, from Japan, being shared about a US fighter pilot who had ejaculated to safety after some mechanical issue with their plane.
[+] kergonath|3 years ago|reply
Indeed. And then I felt bad for that old guy. But then it was really hard not to laugh again. Very glad nobody got seriously hurt.
[+] nickt|3 years ago|reply
It’s a Martin Baker seat. At least he’ll get a tie.

https://martin-baker.com/ejection-tie-club/

[+] lastofthemojito|3 years ago|reply
Irritatingly imprecise wording on that page:

> Here at Martin-Baker, we run an exclusive club that unifies all pilots whose lives we’ve helped save: life membership of the Ejection Tie Club is confined solely to those who have emergency ejected from an aircraft using a Martin-Baker ejection seat, which has thereby saved their life.

Does that mean you need to be a pilot to be a member of the club? Or does being a co-pilot or passenger qualify? And if you're testing the ejection seat (wittingly or unwittingly as in the case of this article) in a healthy airplane, such that it isn't a life-saving technique, do you still qualify?

[+] jll29|3 years ago|reply
I'm so sorry for the retiree. I'm sure the colleagues meant well with this unusual present, and it probably was an admin effort to pull it off, but he was clearly uncomfortable to receive his gift.

What hasn't been covered in the comments, to my surprise, is the aspect of peer pressure that made him accept the present. This wasn't a gift voucher for a flight in a hot air balloon, so colleagues should have planned for a "plan b" in case he wasn't going to have the flight for fear for his safety. Apparently, social pressure was exercised to coerce him - bad, shame on them!

[+] zoomablemind|3 years ago|reply
Nice read with a paced schadenfreude.

I just wonder if it's luck or just some fog of the accident? The hero's harness was said to had been loosen - which is what eventually prompted the "grabbing of the handle" at negative g - in ejection scenario this is exactly opposite of the prescribed tightening of most slack in the harness in order to minimize the risk of hitting something on the way out of the cockpit. Also it must've been a hellishly painful yank ...

Somehow it feels the story had too many "au contraire"s to it. Ground crew not tightening the straps to the guest? Someone had to arm that seat, yet not telling the guest about the purpose of the "striped loop"? The pilot "running away" from the jet after having just managed to land it literally in "hot seat"?

My disbelief failed to suspend in this case, so to speak.

Oh, well, good that all lived to tell the story!

[+] jacquesm|3 years ago|reply
I suspect he just wanted to pull himself back 'down' against the seat. I guess if the seat comes up to meet you that's roughly the same effect.
[+] scarier|3 years ago|reply
It’s wild that the ejection sequence failed. Some two-seat aircraft have a “forward both, aft self” ejection mode for these types of events where you don’t trust the guy in the back to make good ejection decisions, and I originally assumed that was what happened here. Oops.
[+] everybodyknows|3 years ago|reply
> the first ejection damaged the front seat, such that it didn't eject

This as well -- fairly damning evidence of failures in design and/or manufacturing. Fortunate that the extemporaneous round of belated testing happened over friendly territory!

[+] KennyBlanken|3 years ago|reply
What's wild is that a connector not being fully screwed in by mistake prevented a very expensive jet full of a lot of fuel from lawn-darting (and potentially killing a lot of people. Crashing fighters seem to have a knack for ending up in dense residential housing areas.)

The solo switch according to the youtube fighter pilot video is so that a solo pilot doesn't have to wait for the rear seat to fire if they activate an ejection.

[+] smileysteve|3 years ago|reply
It's also practical; as the plane is moving forward, the aft seat needs a head start to reduce chances of mid air collision, or even burns.
[+] graupel|3 years ago|reply
In my 53 glorious minutes flying in an F16 with the USAF Thunderbirds, the only thing I kept thinking was KEEP MY HANDS UP AND DON'T GRAB THE BIG YELLOW EJECTION HANDLE BETWEEN MY LEGS, even at .99 mach pulling 9.2G.
[+] KennyBlanken|3 years ago|reply
Edit: he apparently was not strapped in "well" (or at all) and when the pilot went negative G after a dramatic post-takeoff climb, the dude flew out of the seat and probably instinctively grabbed for something.

https://youtu.be/-zIxqKwoHsM?t=427

[+] short_sells_poo|3 years ago|reply
Are you a fighter pilot? I thought 9G is the upper limit of what even a seasoned fighter pilot can handle without passing out. I'd imagine most untrained individuals would pass out quite a bit below that.
[+] jaxomlotus|3 years ago|reply
I mean it sucks that this happened, but kudos to the writer, because this article is hilarious.
[+] frontierkodiak|3 years ago|reply
Ezra Dyer is such a great car writer. I loved the Car & Drivers of yore, especially pre-2010ish. Ezra’s pieces are the only ones left that remind me of why I was so obsessed with hoarding and re-reading these mags as a kid. Even so, I miss how clever & irreverent the old C&D was.
[+] kingcharles|3 years ago|reply
Ezra's column was always the first thing I turned to when C&D turned up.
[+] urban_winter|3 years ago|reply
When I worked at British Aerospace Dunsfold in the late 80s/early 90s, it was a hard rule that nobody got to sit on an ejector seat unless that had been training in its use. I am surprised that it's not an absolutely universal rule. The consequences of inadvertently triggering an ejection while in the maintenance hanger are pretty ugly.
[+] GekkePrutser|3 years ago|reply
I remember this story when it came out originally.

One thing I wonder: a 64-year old spine will not take kindly to the kind of pressures experienced in a fighter jet ejection. Even a trained fighter pilot in the prime of their life can sustain serious spinal compression injuries.

I'm sure the passenger survived but I doubt he was as healthy as before :(

[+] halotrope|3 years ago|reply
That was wonderfully written. Such a relief that right below the heading it was made clear that no one was harmed. The witty, yet restrained tone, combined with just the right amount of technical details is so refreshing to read. I wish there was more good writing in general.
[+] alduin32|3 years ago|reply
So wrong that the GoPro that the retiree was wearing was not even turned on, which is a shame, even if I doubt that the footage would have been released.
[+] Rapzid|3 years ago|reply
It's completely unsurprising though given everything else that wasn't in order lol. The ejection system wasn't fully connected!
[+] marcodiego|3 years ago|reply
Ejecting from a fighter plane is not only dangerous. It is relatively common that people who eject develop spinal injuries because of it.
[+] zabzonk|3 years ago|reply
There are other problems. My Dad had an engine fire in his RAF Vampire over East England, didn't have an ejector seat, and decided it would be better to belly-land the thing, which he did, succesfully, in a cabbage field.

He got out of the Vampire and trudged over to an old yokel who had been sitting watching all this.

Dad: Is there a phone around here?

Yokel: You'm will be paying for all them cabbages?

[+] vba616|3 years ago|reply
Meanwhile, in Soviet Russia:

"For improved pilot survivability the Ka-50 is fitted with a NPP Zvezda K-37-800 ejection seat, which is a rare feature for a helicopter."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamov_Ka-50

Yes, ok, it has explosives to blow away the rotors. But how many different ways could that go wrong...

[+] refurb|3 years ago|reply
This is my question. It's not unusual to be quite injured after an ejection - spinal injuries, wind blast injuries, parts from the canopy hitting you, hard landing.

It's not uncommon for 20-something military pilots to be retired from flying after an ejection. Or at least on medical leave for a year or more.

[+] rekabis|3 years ago|reply
Two years after first reading this, I still find myself giggling uncontrollably over the exquisite prose, especially this line:

> When either the fore or aft seat in a Rafale is triggered, the second one is supposed to follow automatically, on the theory that if one crew member makes an unscheduled departure, there's probably a good reason for the other to promptly join the exodus.

So bone-fucking dry. Gods I love ridiculous things delivered in a no-shit-Sherlock manner like it’s as boring as the weather.

[+] jug|3 years ago|reply
Now that's an article author that enjoys his job.
[+] slowhand09|3 years ago|reply
Loved the article. Following it thru roads less traveled and stumbled on the golden nugget.

John Stapp's Law (or Stapp's Ironic Paradox) states: "The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."