[mduerksen]

That doesn't fit my experience at all (I'm from Germany).

As soon as couples start to have concrete plans for children (or children are already on their way), marriage suddenly becomes very relevant for many relationships, and is often demanded by at least one side of the partnership.

This puts aside the romanticised view of marriage (which might be perceived equivalent to living together) and points to a more fundamental reason for marriage: Securing resources for your offspring. And offspring needs a lot of resources for a long time.

In the end, its commitment that counts. And marriage was built for ensuring commitment as much as humanly possible, with a high barrier for abandoning.

[hef19898]

Being married makes a lot of bureaucracy around kids and so on a lot easier. Especially in case one parent dies. The legal aspects of loosing your partner are less important without a house and mortgage on it and without kids.

I agree so that marriage is, also historically, as much about economics as it is about love.

[tsupiroti]

Good point, it's indeed common for couples to get married when having children.

Still, I think what's helping ensure commitment in that case are the children, rather than the marriage. It's much easier for a married childless couple to split up than for an unmarried couple that has children.

[mduerksen]

It is quite debatable if children actually stabilize marriages (I know a lot of counterexamples).

I would argue exactly the other way around: A lasting marriage is not itself the goal (though certainly nice to grow old together), but serves the purpose of raising offspring - that's what counts for every species that has survived.

[mensetmanusman]

“ I think what's helping ensure commitment in that case are the children, rather than the marriage. ”

This is the luxury belief. It feels true, it doesn’t conflict with secular values, but all the research points to it being false…

[giantg2]

In the US, the resources for the child can just be court ordered as child support even if you were never married. So the legal commitment to the child is there regardless.

[mduerksen]

A marriage establishes more bonds than just the legal/financial obligations.

- In-laws - you become a member of a new family, new levels of mutual privileges and responsibilities

- Public wedding - Proclamation to both social circles that the new family project now has officially started

- Family name - new Identity

- ...