[ldd]

As I get older (30 now), and perhaps spend more time alone, I feel that I do not mind this process as much as I thought I would.

Just as usual, I am able to read books and spend time with my dog. I'm only weary of the fact that I do talk to myself out loud every once in a while and there is the possibility that in due time, if it is not already the case, my lonesomeness may eventually be misinterpreted as madness.

[refactor_master]

I feel the exact opposite at 30. Every leisurely lone time that I once used to enjoy now feels like pointless escapism and filler, until the next meaningful social interaction. Until recently I had even been an avid solo traveler until I hit the wall of pointlessness hard. I can’t exactly point to what it is, but a guess would be “adult life after studies”. Now that I’ve experienced the rush of a handful of different jobs, it now seems like a “been there, done that”.

I have, at times, thought about e.g. moving to a different country, or changing to a much more demanding job, but I’ve done those things before, and they didn’t lead to “dramatic” social outcomes more so than the odd chance encounter in my daily life, so I figure “why bother?”

[strangegecko]

> Every leisurely lone time that I once used to enjoy now feels like pointless escapism and filler,

This is exactly how I feel. I've been looking towards early retirement through frugality as a means of escape from what has been a very stressful life to me, a life where I couldn't enjoy much because I pretty much constantly felt overwhelmed (almost bullied by the world in general) and anxious.

But as I'm slowly able to give myself more room, as I realize I absolutely could hide out at home and protect myself from that stress that's been tormenting since childhood, doing only what I really want to do, I'm also increasingly confronted with an emptiness, with not knowing what it is that I "want to do".

I suffer from depression though (which comes with the symptom of anhedonia, the difficult to enjoy activities), and I don't have meaningful social interaction in my life. Doesn't that interaction give you pointers on how to spend time by yourself? I've always imagined shared projects or goals could fill some of the emptiness I feel by providing purpose. I remember team activities as being motivating.