[giords]

> I've put in countless hours of work every day (70-90 hrs), being on-call almost 24/7, sometimes for straight 7 days for months despite only getting paid on a salary basis on 40 hr work weeks; being a loner helps with working long hours.

Many of your feelings come from here. You need a healthier work -life balance, where you may allocate some time for other things other than the rat race.

You're a person, before than a coder. Your work shouldn't be your sole source of self-esteem and content, in your life.