[hn_neverguess]

I like how you minimize the ethical implications by calling it a business decision. I do agree that screwing over a family member is different than screwing over a colleague, but let's also agree that both are bad.

And what appears to be a "business decision" could be a serious setback for the person on the other side of this transaction. Granted, as a startup founder, I am more exposed than someone at FAANG, but don't fool yourself - either way, someone wasted a lot of time and money on giving you a shot, and more importantly, they declined all other candidates. It really is such a selfish thing to do, and while sometimes you have no choice (health, etc), I didn't get the feeling from the OP that he felt particularly bad about it.

So to get back to your original question - no, I wouldn't give you a pass because you showed your dirty side in a business context. And if I thought you were dishonest, I would assume that your dishonesty extends across all facets of your life, and I would think I'd be doing my friends a favor by letting them know.

[Daishiman]

> And what appears to be a "business decision" could be a serious setback for the person on the other side of this transaction. Granted, as a startup founder, I am more exposed than someone at FAANG, but don't fool yourself - either way, someone wasted a lot of time and money on giving you a shot, and more importantly, they declined all other candidates.

Yeah, sucks, that's life, if that triggers you emotionally you have no business running a startup.

[scarface74]

I hate to be blunt. But as a startup founder, you probably don’t matter to many of the posters on HN. Most startup founders pay below what we could get at a public company and all you could offer is “equity” that would be statistically worthless.

[hn_neverguess]

No need to apologize - what you're sharing is the accepted truism. And yes, it makes it hard to compete for the same talent that's also considering FAANG. I will be even more blunt - yes, you're likely to retire sooner if you took a FAANG job.

But there are three caveats:

1. That last statement is only true because most of the people who start or join a startup don't see a material increase in the value of their equity. But a little known secret in the startup world is that you only have to be right once. It doesn't matter one tiny bit if your previous 5 startups failed, if the 6th one ends up finding the product market fit. My batting average is pretty poor, and even so I am way ahead of anyone I grew up with. You only have to be right once.

2. People think of startup success as this all or nothing thing, where you're either super poor or super rich. In reality, if you give it your best and do a decent job, even if you end up failing you'll be getting calls from people who you would have never met in any other way. For example, I failed with a startup about 10 years ago and ended up at Square only because of that exact same failure. There's no way in hell it would have happened any other way.

3. Most startups are run by first-time founders, and most first-time founders are still early in their learning process. A direct consequence of that is that they are cheap. But every once in a while you come across someone who's had one or two big exits, and I guarantee you that they are thinking differently about comp. In PG's words, Apple could have given Steve Jobs 95% of their equity to lure him back, and it still would have been a great deal for them. Experienced startup founders know that, and they have levers that FAANG doesn't. There are two senior people in my current startup that I poached directly out of FAANG.

[dudul]

Always funny when employers realize that "at will" works both ways.

You can easily let someone go any day of the week? Well, I can also leave any day of the week. If you don't want this sort of liability you can hire me with a contract.

You call me dishonest, I call you hypocrite.