[turtledove]

Sorry, "would be super useful" be "would have helped me".

Maybe those have different meanings to you? They mean more or less the same to me?

[TameAntelope]

One is an objective statement of the world, the other is a subjective statement about you personally.

If these things mean the same to you, you're not parsing the English correctly, which points to a larger comprehension issue that further explains why you didn't get the original sarcasm.