For you or them? I think if they don't want to get better or admit they have an issue it is very hard. In my experience and from what the article says, it seems to stem from the internalized feeling that you are helpless (because other people traumatized you) but also that you are at fault (because you should've known better or you should be able to control your responses 100% of the time). This sets up a very adversarial and resentful inner view of conflict. As your responses destroy both your own health and your relationships, these views are reinforced.
Learning to accept that you are NOT ruined, that other people's actions aren't your fault, and that people don't hate you just because you have conflict seems to be the stem of this for me. From the therapy side, that seems to be what has helped my symptoms. Extremely freeing and I'm very happy to hear that there is a name for this.
My ex. She won't leave me alone. We do have a kid together, but it's a bit over-the-top.
I can't post anything online under my real name (her mission in life is to protect the universe from me). If she finds out I'm associating with anyone, she'll try to network in to warn them off. Everyone in my life has been told that I'm abusive in some way or another. There's random harassment litigation. It's boundless. She just emailed me today saying she sent over a hundred bucks to some random political organization in my home country, which is invariably part of some convoluted scheme. She's broken into my computers before. Etc. She's smart, and there's never quite enough evidence for a restraining order or similar legal channels (and she's a much better communicator than I am; everyone believes her).
She divorced me, but she won't leave me alone.
Dealing with her nonsense is like a full time job.
hydrok9|3 years ago
Learning to accept that you are NOT ruined, that other people's actions aren't your fault, and that people don't hate you just because you have conflict seems to be the stem of this for me. From the therapy side, that seems to be what has helped my symptoms. Extremely freeing and I'm very happy to hear that there is a name for this.
blip54321|3 years ago
I can't post anything online under my real name (her mission in life is to protect the universe from me). If she finds out I'm associating with anyone, she'll try to network in to warn them off. Everyone in my life has been told that I'm abusive in some way or another. There's random harassment litigation. It's boundless. She just emailed me today saying she sent over a hundred bucks to some random political organization in my home country, which is invariably part of some convoluted scheme. She's broken into my computers before. Etc. She's smart, and there's never quite enough evidence for a restraining order or similar legal channels (and she's a much better communicator than I am; everyone believes her).
She divorced me, but she won't leave me alone.
Dealing with her nonsense is like a full time job.
hydrok9|3 years ago