[SJSque]

Just a comment on your second and third paragraphs: it's a bit odd that you invoke general relativity ("curved spacetime") for the Moon's basic orbit, and then discuss classical mechanics ("tidal forces are literal forces") for the second-order effects. Tidal forces are of course also gravitational effects, just differential (i.e., the result of the fact that we are not talking about point masses, but rather extended objects).

[sgtnoodle]

shrug I was just trying to help someone develop an intuitive understanding of orbital dynamics. As far as I know, all cows are indeed spherical.